Would you like to fall asleep easier and have a more restful night? I have 10 simple tips for you today that I hope you'll enjoy, because there is nothing like a good night's sleep.
Do you have trouble falling asleep? This is something that I hear over and over again as I work with women, whether in coaching or in counseling. Today, it actually came up in our membership community about how to have routine for bedtime, as well as how to make sure that you can fall asleep more easily. You know, sometimes people have trouble with falling back asleep after they wake up in the middle of the night. Sometimes people have trouble falling asleep to start with. Sometimes people have trouble staying asleep early in the morning. So, they can mean different things and be for different reasons.
Sometimes anxiety will wake you up in the middle of the night. Sometimes depression will leave you sleeping longer than you would normally want to sleep. Some people have the absolute reverse. Then, there are people who are just in between for whatever reason, whether it's a bathroom break in the middle of the night, too much caffeine before bed, or too much blue light.
Today I'm going to give you my top 10 tips for falling asleep as simply as possible. When we think about the routine, notice what is ideal for you. Your routine is going to be customized for your needs. If you work nights, it's going to look different for you as far as a routine than somebody who works during the day. If you're a new parent who has to get up with an infant in the middle of the night, or several times in the middle of the night, it's going to look different for you. These are adaptable and they need to work with your routine. Don't try to fit into somebody else's.
Top 10 Tips for Falling Asleep
- Consistent Bed Time Routine: Make the routine yours, not based on what you think it should be or what somebody else's might be or what you've heard could work. I want you to make this yours. You know when your body is tired, and you know when you're pushing past those limits. So, first notice your needs and then make this be customized to you. Be aware of whether you are tired or not, whether you're pushing past your point of where sleep would be good, and whether you're trying to do too much at a time where you should be winding down. Go to sleep at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning. This regularity is what's going to help you. So even if your days and nights are reversed, making a routine that works with that so that you have predictable times of going to sleep and predictable times of waking up as much as possible can really help so that you don't have a sleep deficit and your body knows what to expect so that it can work with your natural rhythms and customize it to you.
- Pamper Yourself with a Sensory Routine: The second tip is to have a routine that you do once you head to your bedroom. Perhaps it's starting with a nice cup of tea before bed or brushing your teeth. Something that just signals, okay, I'm winding down. Once you get into bed, turning on the lighting to be soft or putting on some music that you enjoy. Some people like worship music or putting on something nice and relaxing to listen to, like a meditation on an app or something like that, then you might want to bring in other senses. You might like to spray some lavender on your pillowcase or to have your favorite hand lotion or foot cream...something that allows you to have a sensory experience that you enjoy whether it's the smell, the feel, or the texture. Make sure your bedding is comfortable and your room is cool. Kind of notice those things about the aesthetics. So, number two is to have a routine and build in a physical experience that makes going to sleep something you enjoy.
- Protect Your Eyes from Blue Light: Number three starts before you even get there, and you've probably heard this like crazy, and yet you may be an offender. Please realize that it is good to be off of your phone and devices. That iPad could be tucked away until the next day during business hours, right? There is no need to be on your phone late at night. Now, if you have your Bible on your phone, as I do, or you like to read from the library (Libby app) or from your Kindle, get yourself some blue light glasses or go into your settings and switch to the filter for nighttime so that you actually are not affected by the blue light trying to keep you up. This is the same for television, electronics, and things like video games before bed. Oftentimes, that's more men who do that, but if you happen to be a gamer, that might be something that you want to wear the glasses for or to wind down. If you can do this an hour or optimally 2 hours before bed, where you turn down the blue light and the exposure, that can really help.
- Control Body & Room Temperatures: If you want to take a shower at night, take it, but don't do it close to bedtime. Make sure that you do it a couple of hours before bedtime so that by the time you're ready to go to sleep, your temperature is in a good place. Take notice of the temperature of your skin, the temperature in the room, the way you feel in your skin, and is it a good place to be able to sleep? Along with this is to make sure that the temperature of the room is cool enough to sleep, but warm enough for you not to shiver.
- Relax Muscles: Remember that you feel tension in your body whether you realize it or not, so what we want to do is to help you release that tension. You can do that by progressive muscle relaxation. Start at your feet or start at your head. Notice where you have tension and consciously release each body part to relax so that the tension goes out. If that is too hard to do, you can go ahead and actually tighten your muscle before you release it. If you tighten the muscle that's already tense, but you can't seem to relax it or can't seem to feel whether it's tight or relaxed, you can intentionally tighten it, hold, and then release it. So, tighten it, hold it for a few counts, and then release it, and then move on to the next one. For instance, tighten your face, scrunch your face, hold your face real tight and scrunchy, and then release it. Notice the tension drain out of it and relax so that you can feel so much better about yourself.
- Breath Cycles with Longer Exhales: Do some breathing that can help you. Breathing should be slow, deep, and relaxing. Breathe from your abdomen, breathe in slowly and deeply, and breathe out slowly and deeply. If you want to ramp this up a bit, go ahead and breathe in and hold for a couple of counts, and then release for longer than you inhaled. It'd be like inhale for a certain amount until it's nice and full breath taken in, then hold for maybe three or four counts, and then release for double how long it took you to inhale. If you inhaled for four, exhale for eight. If you inhaled for three, exhale for six...something in that proportion. Slowly, slowly exhale.
- Breath Cycles with 2 Inhales and Holds: Here's another breathing technique I absolutely love. This is where you breathe in as much air as you can breathe in from your abdomen, hold it, and when you think that you're holding it and can't take in any more air, breathe in another couple of counts of air. You might breathe in for six, and then when you hold it and you think you're at the top of that breath, take in another breath for a couple of counts.1, 2, hold again, and then slowly, slowly release. For some reason, that is the one that gets me to sleep nearly every time. I usually do about three of those cycles of repetitions, and then I wake up the next morning and I'm like, oh, I guess it worked. I only remember doing that about three or four times.
- Exercise Earlier in the Day: Do not exercise later in the day. If you exercise earlier in the day, you have that energy to use and burn throughout the day, but you don't want to get wired at night.
- Limit Caffeine at least 6 Hours Before Bed: Stop caffeine around dinner time so that you don't end up with the receptors in your brain that are like, hey, we're wide awake. Be careful of caffeine and be careful of taking in too much stuff that your system is going to have to digest. You don't want to have too much on your stomach so that you're uncomfortable. You don't want to have the caffeine in there that's keeping you awake and messing with the. What is, what's the word I want? Do I want neurons, I don't know in your brain. You don't want it to not let you go to sleep, and it very much interferes with that. Now, you may have had a tolerance built up, and that's normal when you are quite used to having caffeine, but you can slowly reduce that over time and hopefully that will help. (Now, people do say that they have natural remedies, such as, you know, instead of sleeping pills, it might be something like melatonin, which our bodies naturally make. I am not one to speak to that, but I do know that I have heard that if you do that, your system can sometimes stop making enough of its own. So I'm not sure if that's true or not, but please look into that, if that could be something that is causing you issues in any way.)
- Visualize: If you can visualize, if you can see things in your mind's eye, visualize someplace that makes you feel like you are absorbed in that picture. Maybe it's being at the beach, and you imagine what the water feels like, imagine seeing the bubbles as your feet go from the sand into the shallow water, and then imagine walking more deeply and what that feels like. Imagine smelling the salt air. Try to bring in all of your senses, as many senses as you can to make this a vivid experience and just focus as if you're feeling those sensations of this imagined place. Maybe you dream of heaven, or you go back to a favorite place you went on vacation, a favorite relative's house, or something like that, and you try to remember everything that you can remember or bring in the feelings of being there. You can also make up something imaginary that you've never experienced. Maybe you saw something on television or read it in a book and try to call that into your mind's eye with as much felt experience as possible. Oftentimes we can drift off into dreams with just keeping our eyes shut and just letting our mind do the thing that wanders until we lose consciousness and get to sleep and get the rest we need.
Do you know that it is not selfish to take care of you and your own needs? That is something that is super important, especially in the Christian lifestyle. So many Christian women struggle with it because they feel like they're not being self-sacrificing or they feel they should be this way, or they should be that way, but that doesn't involve putting their own thoughts, opinions, and needs into stuff. That is just not true. Here's the thing: How can we love other people as we would want them to love us and do unto others as you would have them do unto you if there is no you that is treated well? The way we go around treating ourselves as Christian women is sometimes worse than we would treat an enemy. Now, if you just chuckled at that, and you know what I mean, then this is for you.
God Himself Gave You Self
You have to have a self. God, Himself, gave you a self, and that self being stewarded well, is not selfish. It's worship. It is absolutely worship to take care of the body and the being that the Lord granted you with at birth. Before birth, actually, I believe at conception that the Lord came in and made you. When he breathed life into you, you into existence, everything was already there. God was there. You were there, and your potential was there. How your body works was there. We need to know that it's okay to be us. You are not some extra secondhand thought that God had. You are absolutely important and known by God before you had one day of life.
Begin with You and God
So why? Why do you think that you shouldn't have a voice, a choice, needs, or desires or use your gifts or that you're not worth anything? Please, please, please hear me. This is so important. You must begin with you and God. You cannot change anything in your external world for the long haul in a good direction if you are not honest with yourself, you are depleted, you are resentful, you are exhausted, and you are just running on fumes; you have to reverse engineer it. Well, not really reverse engineer it. Reverse it. Forget the engineering part. You have to reverse it. You need to change up the priority. It needs to start with you and God. You've heard me say this before: you start in that inner circle with God and then branch out from there.
Branch out to Self-Care
Branching out from there means things like self-care, and that means setting up boundaries as to what is acceptable treatment of you and what isn't. That means making choices that are stewarding well what's been given to you. That includes taking time to heal the stuff that's going on inside. That might be emotions that are hurting you repeatedly over years that you're still having trouble getting on top of, and you just keep hoping and praying it away, but it's still there and you need help with it. That could be your thoughts needing to be reframed in light of scripture and truth and more helpful ways of thinking. That could be taking time to simply have a nourishing breakfast and some good hydration and some time with the Lord. There are so many ways that you can steward yourself time with other people who are uplifting and that you can pour into as well.
Maybe You Need Poured Into
Or maybe you just need to be poured into and you're going to pour into them when you get a chance. It's okay to be where you are. You've heard me say that before, too. You have so much power. Do not give it away. That's something that happens so often, is we say, I'll get to it another day, or I'm not as important as somebody else, or I don't need to worry about this right now. God will just take care of it. God will take care of things. But sometimes, many times, He's already given you the power to take care of the stewardship that He gave Adam in the garden. Right? To work the land. That was before the fall, that Adam was here to do something. God has put you here to do something and to do something well. You need to have your tools: your body, your mind, your emotions, your relationships, your supports, and your purpose all working together at least most of the time to really get some good traction.
Do You Have "Stinking Thinking?"
So, if there are things that are getting in your way that are not giving you that good traction. Then that's an area to step up and say, I need to do something different. When people do that, sometimes they get overwhelmed and they try to figure out, well, what is that next step up or what would be the best way? Then that negative thought starts coming in. Stuff like, oh, well, you can't do that because of this or, well, no, that's not going to work because of this. That is that stuff called stinking thinking. There is a way to problem solve. No matter what you are going through, there is a way to do it in a way that works well for you. Even if the situation is unpleasant that you're going through, the way that you handle it can be beneficial and work well for you. And if that gets overwhelming for you, you might get that stress paralyzation that I've talked about, and we don't want you to have to get to that place.
Do I Need Help Outside of Myself?
I want you to understand that there is help available and you don't necessarily have to go to therapy. If you've been on the fence about, should I do therapy? It's kind of scary. I can't find a therapist. I don't know where to go. I highly recommend therapy. In my day job, I am a therapist. Yet, if that's not your first step, if that's not what you need right now, or if you need something more, get real with yourself. What do you need? Do you need to go join a gym? Do you need to just start walking with a buddy? Do you need to reach out and make a new friend and take them to lunch? Do you need to spend time in Bible study and prayer? Do you need time to connect with others and learn more so that you can grow and take the first steps? Whatever it is, just get real about it and then put forth that action. Be a good steward. Do what you need to with what's in your hand now and do. Don't get overwhelmed by the big picture. You don't have to have everything working all the time and all at once, but you can optimize things as you realize, hey, this is an area that I could use some improvement in.
Membership Community
If that area that you could use some improvement in is the area of self-care, I want to invite you to join the membership community. The membership community is a place where you can get support for reaching your personal goals. Whether you're ready for counseling or you're not, and you just want some tools and skills and coaching, this is a good thing. If you are in counseling, this is a good thing to come alongside it. That can also help strengthen the skills that you need as you go through the processing of the things that you need to. Or this can be a wonderful next step after therapy is concluded. This membership community can be a helpful companion to you, and you can use it the way that you want to use it. If you just want to get the monthly materials and access to the training vault, go for it, and you join us on a weekly Monday meeting call. If you want to ask me questions, you get coaching access to me through posting in the community. I will answer your questions. I will give you direction. If you ask for it, I will give you some help so that you can decide what's best for you to reach your goals. I'm not going to counsel you. We're not going to do anything to make you go past your level of comfort. We're going to push you a little bit outside of your comfort zone as far as what you are doing now, but not to a place where this has to be uncomfortable.
This is an excellent first step. If you've been thinking, I need help and you keep putting it off because yourself keeps getting pushed to the back burner, I want you to really understand that you are important. You are important. Everything in your life is affected by how well you treat yourself and how well you take care of the things God's entrusted to you; every relationship, every thought, every action, every goal is impacted by what you do with your thoughts, feelings, actions, choices, and your relationships. As I said, it all comes back to how you steward what begins with you and what begins with you began with God, so the two of you make an invincible team. There is good stuff there.
Don't Neglect Your Self-Care
Please don't neglect it. This isn't because I'm trying to get some sale of the membership community. I would love for you to join the membership community, but this is because I see it all too often, Christian women who don't actually take time for themselves. There was a time where I didn't take care of myself in the sense that I would just not even buy myself clothes. I'd just wear my husband's old shirt, tie it up in a knot at the bottom, and say, okay, that's good enough, you know, or I'd wear the same thing all the time. I mean, yes, it'd be clean and washed, but I never expanded anything. Take care of myself or I didn't do the extra things like get a piece of jewelry that would make me feel good and confident in presenting myself professionally. These are things that, why not?
It's not a sin to do things that make you happy. They're not sin to do things that are necessary just for survival and self-care. They're not sin to be good stewards of what God's entrusted to you. When you have a well-developed self, you go out into the world well developed and well impactful, if that's even a word. You can be impactful because you have a solid base from which you're launching.
