As a kid growing up, I had two favorite playmates, my cousins, Johnny and Robby. Johnny was five years older than me, and Robby was three years older, so I found them to be fascinating and infuriating. They could do so many cool things that I was too young to do:
go to a friends house alone, go to school, read, ride a skateboard, and so much more!
One time, though, I got my chance to show them that I could do something they told me I couldn't.
Johnny had brought a "big" instrument home from school because he was going to learn to play it. To me, it looked as large as a tuba, but in hindsight, i think it was more likely a saxophone.
Whatever it was, I was about six years old and wanted to try it out, but Johnny told me that it's too hard and that I wouldn't be able to play it . Johnny, then, took off up the hill in my grandparents' backyard and left that tempting instrument right there in its case on the ground right next to Robby and me.
So.... what do you think I did.? Egged on by Robby, I couldn't wait to get my hands on that thing.
Oh, Yeah! I took the opportunity to take that horn out and put it up to my lips, then I blew into the mouthpiece with all of my six-year-old strength. To the surprise and delight of Robby and me, I made that saxophone come to life for a brief moment.
Hearing the sound, Johnny came running down the hill to see who was playing his instrument, thinking he could yell at his brother, Robby, but Robby said with astonishment, "It was her!"
I gained some "street cred" that day in the backyard with my cousins who realized that I could do big kid things after all, and I learned a valuable lesson that "nobody gets to count me out, not even myself."
Have you ever been counted out by others? Have you ever counted yourself out without even trying something? How about changing that!?
Limiting Beliefs
Limiting beliefs that try to hold us back are deceptions (from the enemy who tries to steal kill and destroy, John 10:10a) and keep us focused on the wrong things so that we don't step confidently into the amazing and powerful purposes God has created for us to accomplish. If we count ourselves out, it stops us from fulfilling God's calling on our lives.
It's easy to believe the lies that we aren't good enough, qualified enough, good looking enough, skilled enough, etc..., and to fall victim to the comparison trap, especially if we've been judged or hurt by others.
And, it's also fairly easy and common to think that it's not the right time, we aren't quite prepared enough, we don't know enough, we haven't healed enough, we aren't yet confident enough or know the plan enough yet, or that we have to do more first, to prove ourselves first, or pray more before we take action.
Let me tell you that with that kind of thinking, a lot of people play right into the enemies hands and start counting themselves out, waiting for timing and abilities and circumstances to be just right, waiting to take that next step outside of their comfort zone and into the life they really suspect that they could be capable of living.... if they could just get past their insecurities, lack of confidence, hesitations, doubts, and fears.
Each of us is human, and each of us has giftings, mindsets, desires, and needs.
To overcome limiting beliefs, self-doubt, fear, and insecurity, we need to not listen to the naysayers, to not let the negative voices take over our thoughts, and to keep God's truths about who He is, who we are, and what He's created and called us to do front and center of our focus each day.
5 Things That Get In The Way of Progress
Now, I want to give you an overview of the top five things that often get in the way of progress for people.
1. Thinking that feelings and thoughts are facts. They are information gatherers and synthesizers, but truth comes from God alone and sizing up our feelings and thoughts in light of His truths about us and how life works.
2. Waiting for a better time or waiting to get to a certain place in time or achievement and finally "arrive." If we wait for the "perfect" time, life will pass us by without much to show for it.
3. Confusing the hard times with stop signs when they are really just detours or rest stops. Consistency is more important than perfectionism. One step at a time, one thing at a time, one day at a time, one action at a time adds up to effective progress.
4. Thinking that things aren't working or will never change when you are already on the journey forward. You may have to pivot and regroup at times, but consistent, healthy, movement forward creates momentum and produces good fruit.
5. Making comparisons and listening to lies that try to have you focusing on the past, the future, or the overwhelming nature of the present, when you can learn to be calm, powerful, and take effective action only from where you are in time.
If there is one thing that I'd like you to remember from today's blog, it's the concept of the BOTH/AND. Life is generally not an either/or. It is often a both/and. We tend to think in all or nothing, shoulds and shouldn'ts, and
"what if" catastrophes, but in reality, we can both feel uncertain and take a step, want to try something new and need to lean on the Lord for strength, feel competent at some things and feel imposter syndrome with others at the same time, ask for what we need and be content with what we have, and rest but not give up.
"what if" catastrophes, but in reality, we can both feel uncertain and take a step, want to try something new and need to lean on the Lord for strength, feel competent at some things and feel imposter syndrome with others at the same time, ask for what we need and be content with what we have, and rest but not give up.
Life is a journey, and no one experience tells the whole story.
Where you are or aren't and where others are or aren't in life right now is simply a chapter, and we are responsible for the actions we take as we let God write our stories. We know the author, so we know there is a happy ending, and if it isn't good, it's not over.
And to close this out, don't ever let someone else tell you what you are, who you are, or what you can't do, not even yourself.
Don't count yourself out!
Take a listen to this week's podcast episode: Want to Stop Getting Down on Yourself - Flexible Thinking Can Help
Do you know the feeling of trying to keep it all together but not having enough time or energy to manage it all? If you're a Christian woman like me, you definitely do, because I am there with you. It's so hard sometimes when we have so many things that are on our plate that we want to do well, that we feel called to do and yet to feel like we can show up and actually get the stuff done.
Six Tips for Pulling Back To Move Towards Your Goals
I'm going to share with you six tips for pulling back to be able to move forward towards your goals. Now, this does not mean pulling back from the things that are your priorities or the things that are most important, but there are some things that I can give you tips for that will make it easier if you allow yourself to think of these things as helpful life saving tips.
- Stop Time Sucks: Now, what do I mean by stop the time sucks? Basically, to illustrate this, I'll tell you about when I was a young mom where I had three kids going in different directions, and I had my grandmother who was in nursing care and wasn't doing so well. I was trying to still be able to visit with her, get her out once a week, and to still have time with the grandkids while I was homeschooling, while I was going for my Masters. I mean, there was a lot going on and keeping my marriage strong and it was a time. So I just realized, I just don't have any spare time. So I did a brain dump exercise where basically I just got out of a clean sheet of paper and wrote down everything that was on my mind, all of the responsibilities, everything I was trying to do. As I did so, I think I ended up with something like 23 areas of focus, and 13 of those were actually really priorities and important. It was something like that, or it was 13, and seven of them were actually priorities and important. But there was something about the number 13 in there. I know that it was a huge number and that it was like so many things that I needed to say, I can't possibly contain all of this in my head. I just cannot possibly hold it. I remember looking at it, and the thing that I remember crossing off the list first was bowling league. I was on the church bowling league with my husband. Now, you might say with all that stuff going on, you should have some self-care time and certainly a date with your husband. Absolutely. Totally a valid way to look at that. However, at that point in time, it was taking away my Sunday evenings, which were the only times that my husband and I had as downtime to really regroup, to be able to strategize for the next week and to tackle everything. So, it became something that was on the chopping block, because even though I could make a case for enjoying that time with my husband and for getting away and having a date and doing something recreational, the time frame of when that showed up in our schedule was not something we could work with. Now, if it had been Thursday or Friday nights, maybe that could have stayed, because maybe that would have provided the respite we needed, but given that it was Sunday night, that was high-valued real estate, because that was the time where we were gearing up for the next week and recovering from the weekend, so it had to go. So that's the way to be kind of ruthless is to say, what are those things that are sucking your time? Either by taking up space that they shouldn't be in because other priorities should be there, or by being in the wrong space. Even though they're good things, even though they're priorities, they're in a space taking up time that you do not have to give at that time frame. They might be things that you just do not have the bandwidth at the day that they're scheduled or the day that the event's happening or the day that someone needs you to do something, and it's okay to say, this isn't working for me, and it's not workable for me. So, doing a brain dump so that you can see where all of your energies and focus and time is going and then choosing what the time sucks are either that they're in inopportune spaces in your calendar or they are things that are not priorities and get them out of there. That's the first thing that you can pull back from so that you can move forward towards your goals in a better way.
- Take Note of What Your Priorities Are: As a Christian woman reading this, I'm going to assume that God is a priority right now. God being a priority is great. Does that mean that you have to do a two-hour devotional at 5 in the morning because your best friend does that? Or because you heard someone say that's a great idea? Or are you more beneficial? Is it more beneficial to you to get your sleep and then actually be able to remember what you're studying? Or to do it before bed at night? Or to do a little bit with family at breakfast and then listen to some Christian radio or podcasts? Spending time with the Lord can be an all-day venture. He doesn't have to be pigeonholed into just certain times of the day. So, He is with you always. So, if He is a priority, make Him a priority and find those times that really, really work. But get honest with yourself. Are your devotions, are your prayers, are your church attendance times...are those things that actually are working in your schedule or are they causing more stress? Maybe you need to go to an earlier service or a Saturday night service or go to church on Wednesday evenings or for a season, say no to a small group because you need that time with family. Putting God first does not mean it has to look a certain way or like everybody else's way. Putting God first as a priority is of course super important. Then after that, what are your priorities in this season? Are they your marriage, your kids, healing from an illness, going back to school, taking care of a family member who needs your support? It can be a number of things, but choosing your top priorities as to where you're going to focus now that may be that you focus on your marriage and that you don't go out all of the time anymore because you have new babies and that's okay. That doesn't mean you're not focusing on your marriage just because more time is going to young kids, that's pretty natural. But to continue to build in time for your marriage so that it stays strong, so that after the kids are grown you still have this important relationship is very primary and a priority. So, you need to realize where you need to invest. And sometimes time spent is not necessarily an indication of the priority as much as it is that's how much time some things take right now, it's going to ebb and flow depending on the season of your life that you're in. But the things that are not ultimate priorities overall maybe don't have to have space in your life right now in this season. So yes, absolutely, your marriage and taking care of young kids, if that's where you are. But maybe that doesn't mean that you have to take your kids to every single play date right now. Maybe that just means being able to have some time as a family to chill out and play a board game or to take the kids to the park. It doesn't have to look like other people's busy schedules. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you, and that's okay. So being able to pull back on the things for the season that you're in that don't serve your priorities, for instance, if you're going back to school while you're raising kids, then you're probably not going to be the best room mom who's throwing all of the holiday parties. And that's okay. You don't have to throw all the parties at school to be a good mom or to be prioritizing your kids, look at what's going on in your life and pull back as needed so that you can prioritize the main things.
- Think about Daily Activities that Keep It All Going; Don't Scrimp on Them: When you're trying to figure out how to get more time and how to get more energy, really think about the activities of daily living that keep it all going and don't scrimp on them. I know it's so tempting to say, I can just eat junk food, I don't have time to pack a lunch, or oh, I can't work out right now, I'm just too busy. But sometimes these basics like getting a shower every day, getting good sleep or taking a nap in the middle of the day, staying hydrated, having a healthy meal, or at least throwing an extra piece of fruit or vegetables into your lunch, those things sustain you. You can't neglect your activities of daily living such as cleanliness and good health and healthy practices and expect to be on a solid foundation where you have enough energy to focus. Now, it may mean that to have those fruits and vegetables, you need to get simple things like already chopped up vegetables that you take with you. Maybe you spend a little bit more for the convenience of healthy foods, or maybe you do double duty and take your kids in a stroller while you take your walk or go for a jog while you're also reading them, letting an audiobook be on to spend reading time with them. You can multitask, okay? But you need to be able to put those things that take care of you into the equation and ask for help if you need to. But it is okay to get a shower every day and it is okay to eat well every day, and it is okay to move your body every day and to pray every day.
- Batch Things: If you need to batch things, that's okay. You can put your kids in the stroller while you take a walk and pray. That is a triple batch and that is okay. It all counts. See what you can stack to get more mileage out of the same time block, but still prioritizing the main thing.
- Remember to Take the Sabath Day Off: Remember that taking a Sabbath a day off is not just a nicety, it's how we work best. God himself took a rest. Take a rest. Look at Chick fil A. Their sales are so much higher than other fast-food restaurants that are open seven days a week. Be like Chick fil A, take a rest. Be like God, take a rest one day a week, just take a rest. It doesn't have to be from morning to night. It could be from noon to noon. It could be from 4 to 4 the next evening. It's up to you. It doesn't have to be Sundays, doesn't have to be Saturdays, but setting aside time to rest really will be a way that you pull back to actually move faster, further. It's just so much easier when you take time off. You're actually better at the way you think, the way you prioritize, and the way you show up.
- Not Everything Is a Priority: Recognize that while there are many things that are important and you have many priorities, not everything is a priority. Not everything is important. Not everything is urgent. There might be some things that scream for your attention that really are not something you have to pay attention to. I remember one time this neighbor came across the street, knocked on our door and said, hey, it looks like the tree is about to fall and you should do something about it. It didn't look like the tree was about to fall to me. The tree looked fine to me. It was not on my radar, and it was not on his property, and it wasn't going to be on his property. I was like, oh, I see. I hear what you're telling me. And I shut the door, and we did nothing about it. And the tree is still standing, and that was years ago. It was like, your emergency doesn't mean it's mine. It doesn't mean I'm going to see things the same way as somebody else who thinks that you should drop something because it's something they're focused on or their priority. You need to make your own decisions about where your focus is, what your intended plan is. Notice where your energy is going and say no to things. Even if someone else thinks they should be urgent, they may not be priorities or urgent to you. Right? If someone says, oh, you really need to get back to me because we have to schedule this for the upcoming whatever. Well, if you didn't agree to join in on the upcoming whatever, then that's not your urgency and you can say no. You don't have to do things just because other people think you should or because other people think that they need to be done. Now you get to decide whether it's your priority, whether it is something that needs your attention at all, or whether it needs your attention right away if you do decide to give it attention.
So those are the six things that if you look into pulling back and reframing, how you do these things, what you pay attention to, what you tell yourself as you make these decisions that you can clear some of. The mental clutter and hopefully regain some clarity and some energy and some solid footing so that you can make wise choices and move forward faster towards the things that you really are focused on, that you really do prioritize and that really are your goals.
