You know, at the holidays, the things that normally stress us pretty much grow to these gigantic proportions. It's kind of like that monster in Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, you know, the Bumble. It's like he's so ferocious. That's kind of what our stress can do; can kind of feel so ferocious. Like with the Bumble, we kind of have to pull the teeth out of the stress and make it kind of harmless and let it just kind of bounce.
Letting our stress bounce like the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer's Bumble is really what I want to talk about because if we don't let it bounce, it will tear you. It will make everything less enjoyable. It will make perfectionism go through the roof for these unattainable goals that you have for what the holidays should look like, feel like how things should go, what people should be there, and how they should respond. It'll make things so much harder. Or if you let it go, it can cause you to shut down or feel overwhelmed such that you might get kind of fear paralyzed, kind of stuck, and not able to do as much. That can also weaken your immune system, and you can end up sick for the holidays, and we don't want any of that stuff. It also can just put so much stress on you that your mind won't settle down. You won't be able to get good sleep. You might mindlessly eat, and that causes more stress and body fatigue and just kind of feeling icky in your own skin.
So, we really want to rip those teeth out of the Bumble; take the teeth and the bite out of the stress. The first way you need to do that is to be aware of it. That means being aware of your body. Your body holds the truth about the state you are in. Your mind may think that you're doing just fine. Your emotions may feel totally okay, but your nervous system and your muscles in your body will tell you if you're working too hard, if you're stressing too much, and when you can relax. That tension in your body is when you're truly doing well. So, there may be some unreasonable expectations that you have in your mind. There may be over the top aspirations that you have for this holiday season. You may have demands on your time that you didn't have before, extra commitments, things that you're running to and from, gifts that you're trying to pick up, budget stressors, kids yelling or whining, relationship interactions that are more brisk than usual. It's time to slow down the body. Slow down the body and you will slow down the mind. Slow down the body and you will slow down your breathing. Slow down your body and you will slow down the stress and I can almost hear you right now, but Michelle, there's no time to slow down. That's easy for you to say. You can't know what I'm going through. Yes, yes, it's busy. Yes, it's a challenge. Yes, you can intentionally take time to slow down your physical body and calm it.
Tips for Managing Holiday Stress
- Pretend like you are walking through sand. Softly, gently. The more you force, the more it packs, and you can't get through, but if you just gently walk, it kind of melts away as you go through it. Just really gently slow down your breathing. Take a few moments to inhale for a nice deep breath and slowly release it out as slowly as you can and repeat that for several cycles.
- Take time to stretch. Do some wonderful stretching of your arms and your shoulders and your head. Just do some warmup kind of stretches or some cool down kind of stretches. Touch your toes a few times. Roll your neck, stretch overhead, reach behind you and lift up.
- Take a warm bath. Use some aromatherapy. Get some essential oils or a diffuser, or your favorite perfume, or your favorite fabric softener. Cuddle up with a blanket.
- Get your favorite drink. Oh, my husband said he's loving the Sheetz White Hot Chocolate right now. I have yet to try it, but I am going to. That's on my kindness to myself list for something to do very soon.
- Enjoy the specialness of the season but be mindful of what your body is telling you. If you're carrying stress in your shoulders, if you're carrying tension in your back, if you feel too exhausted at the end of the day or like you cannot get up or like you're driven by a motor and you can't stop, those are all signs that your nervous system is overly taxed and it's okay to relax it. Say no to some activities. Put some things onto a delegation list where you let someone else in your family take care of those things. Order out or order in. Let someone else do some of the things that they can do so that you can do the things that only you can.
At this holiday season, remember that there is only one you. And the reason for the season is not to stress. It's to feel grace, it's to feel love. It's to feel connection. It's to live in the freedom of salvation from Jesus. So, if it's all resting on your shoulders and you're trying to do it all, and you're noticing that it is taking its toll, or even if you're not noticing it because you've gotten so used to the stress that you're carrying, I encourage you to let it bounce. Let the stressors bounce away while you bounce over to something that slows things down and is better for you. Things and time and commitments can be rearranged. You only get this day, this season, this year, so make the most of it by slowing down and living loved.
Go take on the day!
You Are Not God
The myth of perfect is what I'm talking about today. First of all, are you God? NO. Are you, you? YES, so you can't be perfect, so we just cleared that up. Can you do things well? Yes, of course you can do things well. Do you want to do things well? Of course, we want to do things well, but the myth of perfect says that it's perfect. For instance, if you do want to go buy those extra gifts so everything looks like there's an abundance under the tree of these amazing gifts, is that really perfect? If then behind the scenes, you're trying to struggle to pay off credit cards, which then leads you to be nervous, which then leads you to work more, which then takes you away from your kids. I think the kids would rather have fewer gifts and have mom or dad present and less stressed than paying for gifts they couldn't afford.
Perfect May Not Be as Perfect as You Think
Assuming that something is perfect doesn't leave room for the fact that perfect may not be as perfect as you think it is. For instance, it might be perfect to have the grandparents over. If they could just come out or if we could fly them out for the holidays, the holidays would be perfect. Well, it might be great to have the grandparents come out for the holidays. That's wonderful. But it won't be perfect. Let's be real. If they're staying with you, it's going to be tight quarters, no matter how big your house is. Abraham Lincoln said, after three days, visitors, like fish, start to stink. The truth is that even good things can have drawbacks. Grandma and Grandpa can be there, but then that means Grandma and Grandpa could be there. You may have a beautiful home that you've decorated, really lovely, and if your kids are playing with their toys and you have expensive stuff out, it may look perfect, but if it comes crashing down and everybody's upset and being punished. Is that really perfect? We have to realize that there is this ability to just roll with it that allows things to be more perfect than perfect. I may not get to everything on that list, and that's okay. I was kind to my kids, and we played, and we enjoyed time. So, we didn't get everything wrapped, and we gave it to each other in a bag instead. So what? Let yourself off the hook.
No One Has It All Together
You don't have to have ten different made-from-scratch meals on the table or recipes. You don't have to have ten made from scratch. Recipes all made on the table on Christmas Day. It's okay to order from Olive Garden. It's okay to pick up a turkey from Bob Evans. You can swing by the bakery and get some cookies or a pie or cake. Get some help if you need it. You don't have to pretend you're superwoman. You don't have to pretend you have it all together. Here's the truth: no one has it all together. If you think that having it all together is what makes you perfect, well, that makes you imperfect because you're believing something that isn't true. Believing something that isn't true isn't perfect because we can only believe things that are true and have them be true. If we're believing things that are false, we can believe them, but that doesn't make them true. All right, a lot of double talk there, but hopefully you understand what I'm saying.
Your Perfect Isn't Everyone's Perfect
When people use the phrase perfect, it sets up the belief, the unspoken, that anything less than this vision someone has is not ideal. The problem is, who are you to say what the ideal vision for everybody is? Some people might think that going to Disney World for Christmas is perfect. The atmosphere is amazing. Some people might think that is the most horrible use of money and crowds. I can't stand them, yet if you're trying to take everyone to Disney World and the people in your group would rather go on a sleigh ride at night in some quiet northern community, and you've just taken them to Disney World, it's only perfect in your mind because it didn't bless everybody. You're not going to be able to bless everybody all the time. You can try to bless people, but perfect to a two-year-old might be playing with the wrapping paper in the box and Mom and Dad not getting upset because they couldn't care less about the toy. That's a whole lot more perfect than, look, I got you this toy and you should like it, and Mom and Dad are upset, and the toy didn't get put together right and it's not working. And where's the batteries? We don't need all of that. The kid's happy with the box.
Good Memories by Being There
Let's wake up and appreciate what we actually have. Stop stressing about giving your kids good memories and give them good memories by being there, being relaxed, going with the flow, laughing when the turkey burns, laughing when the cake falls down and go, oh, my goodness. Or by going, oh, that was so hard, but we can clean it up and then we can figure something else out. The way that you approach the holidays, the way you approach it with stress or without stress, with giving yourself time to relax and enjoy or not, is what you're modeling for your kids as you strive for perfect with your kids. If this is something that you're struggling with this year, I want you to ask yourself, is it really perfect for your kids to see you running around with no time to relax, getting to the edge of your temper, not having time to sit down and just hold them and watch television or snuggle or read a Bible story? Let's evaluate. Is it really as perfect as what you're trying to achieve? Or is that just a myth in your head?
You can do some things that you want to do, but that there is no perfect holiday because it's all variable. Everybody's view is different. You don't have to attain a certain quota of a certain number of recipes that are on the table. You don't have to have a certain way that the tablecloth looks. You don't have to have gifts wrapped a certain way. Sometimes the beauty is in the imperfection, with the relationship being the main focus, Christ being the main focus, and love being the main focus. If you find that your priorities this time of year go to tasks rather than people and rather than the One that Christmas is all about and the love that He came to give us all, that's not really perfect, is it? Cut yourself some slack. It's okay to relax and enjoy the holidays!
