As I write this, I am freakin' exhausted, lol.
It's been a super busy couple of weeks around here, and the days have been packed practically from the time I wake up into the evening. I'm not complaining, mind you, but I'm saying this to share what is simply quite true: I feel exhausted.
Would you be inclined to debate me on whether I "should" feel exhausted? I'm guessing that you wouldn't. It's simply a felt experience and a fact of my experience as a human being right now, right? Yet, what if I said, "I'm disgusted." Does that change anything? It's still a feeling, and a human experience. However, even if you wouldn't debate me on my feeling disgusted, would you allow yourself the same grace?
Or, would you tell yourself something like, "You shouldn't feel that way. You have it so much better than others. You better not admit that you feel that feeling because that's not a "Godly" feeling. Say what!? Didn't God make us in His own image, and doesn't our make-up as human beings include having a full range of emotions?
Now, consider feelings like "anger," "sadness," "boredom," "loss."
Have you ever been made to feel like you "shouldn't" have those feelings?
For instance, have you ever had someone tell you, "They're in a better place" when someone you love passed away but your feelings wanted to shout, "But I'm mad about that because I want them here with me!" People may be well meaning, or they may be mistaken, or they may have trouble watching others have the full range of their emotions, but whatever the reason, people often try to super spiritualize so that we don't feel the unpleasant feelings.
Have you ever heard these unhelpful statements?
"Turn that frown upside down."
"Count your blessings, it could be worse."
"Just think positive."
"At least it's not worse."
"Just let it go."
How do sayings like this make you feel?
Invalidated? Guilty? Shameful? Selfish? Judged?
What if we simply did something radical and left out the "shoulds and shouldn'ts?" What if we simply feel and process our feelings and move on having felt them but not let them run the whole show? What if we let others simply feel their feelings, too, without trying to "correct" them?
If you've ever thought that you "should" be strong and not have unpleasant feelings, you might like to listen in to this week's podcast. You can check it out by clicking here.
We need to be real to heal. We minimize what we’ve been through.
We downplay our pain, brushing it off with thoughts like:
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Other people have had it worse.”
“Why am I complaining?”
“I should be over this by now.”
Or even, “God is good, so I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Other people have had it worse.”
“Why am I complaining?”
“I should be over this by now.”
Or even, “God is good, so I shouldn’t feel this way.”
Sound familiar?
[The Culture of Minimizing]
From an early age, many of us learn to keep going—pull yourself up by your bootstraps, stay strong, don’t let anything get you down, or as the tagline of an old deodorant commercial used to say, "don't ever let them see you sweat."
You learn to suppress, move on, and act like nothing happened. Sometimes, we even spiritualize this. We think, if I believe in God, I should just act like I’m fine, instead of actually doing the healing work.
But here’s the truth: Minimizing your pain doesn’t make you a better Christian. It makes you dishonest.
If you’re saying, “That didn’t affect me,” but your life says otherwise—you’re not being truthful. And Scripture calls us to truth.
Truth sets us free. Part of doing things God’s way is being honest—with Him, with others, and with ourselves.
It's like the time my six year old decided to put a key into an outlet because she wanted to pretend she was driving a bus and starting the ignition. I had taken my eyes off of her for two minutes, when I heard a "poof" and saw her quickly turn her back to the wall with her hands behind her as if everything was business as usual. After getting over the shock that my six year old did something that could have hurt her and the prerequisite "oh my gosh, how did I miss that to stop it" and relief that she was fine, I couldn't help but think about how cute she was pretending that the whole incident hadn't just scared her and hoping I wouldn't notice. Meanwhile, a bit of smoke was wafting into the air. She wasn't fooling anybody, but she sure tried to play it off.
It's the same thing when we don't want to admit that we're hurting inside. Minimizing what's happened to us
Truth sets us free. Part of doing things God’s way is being honest—with Him, with others, and with ourselves.
It's like the time my six year old decided to put a key into an outlet because she wanted to pretend she was driving a bus and starting the ignition. I had taken my eyes off of her for two minutes, when I heard a "poof" and saw her quickly turn her back to the wall with her hands behind her as if everything was business as usual. After getting over the shock that my six year old did something that could have hurt her and the prerequisite "oh my gosh, how did I miss that to stop it" and relief that she was fine, I couldn't help but think about how cute she was pretending that the whole incident hadn't just scared her and hoping I wouldn't notice. Meanwhile, a bit of smoke was wafting into the air. She wasn't fooling anybody, but she sure tried to play it off.
It's the same thing when we don't want to admit that we're hurting inside. Minimizing what's happened to us
[The Performative Christian]
Minimizing doesn’t make you more holy. It just makes you a-good actress. If people are paying attention, they can see right through it.
Minimizing doesn’t make you more holy. It just makes you a-good actress. If people are paying attention, they can see right through it.
In fact, God sees and records every sorrow.
Psalm 56:8...says
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."
So if God thinks your pain is worth paying attention to, why do we try to pretend it doesn't matter?
[The Question We All Ask]
At the core of it all, many of us silently wonder:
Was it really that bad?
I’ll tell you this—if you have to ask, it probably was.
If everything had been fine, you wouldn’t be wrestling with that question.
Just because someone told you to “get over it”—a parent, teacher, even the church—that doesn’t mean you weren’t impacted. If something hurt you, then it hurt you. You don’t have to rationalize, justify, or minimize it.
[Ready to Go Deeper?]
If you’re willing to look under the hood a bit, here are some questions that might help you identify if there's still hurt that needs healing:
Do you have strong emotional reactions—or feel numb—when thinking about certain memories or people?
Are there big gaps in your memory, especially from childhood?
Do you get triggered—disconnected from your grounded adult self—when certain people or topics come up?
Do you numb yourself with food, alcohol, self-harm, or other behaviors?
Do you overreact or shut down in situations that don’t seem to warrant it?
Do you feel torn between what others say happened and what you know you experienced?
Do you avoid emotions—or overreact to them?
Do you people-please, fawn, or consistently put others before yourself?
Do you disconnect from the present moment, like zoning out in meetings or relationships?
Do you “play happy” and avoid conflict—or swing to the other extreme, trying to control everything?
These are just some signs that your past might still be impacting you. I’m not diagnosing anything here, but I do want to invite you to take an honest look. If you're answering "yes" to several of these, there may be wounds that deserve healing.
[Your Story Matters]
When I sit across from women in counseling, I’m often the first person they’ve ever been honest with—even more than they've been with themselves. Because where we’ve been deeply wounded, we often learn to just shove it down. We think no one will believe us… or worse, they’ll say we’re too sensitive, overreacting, or need to just move on.
But is that how Jesus talks to us?
No.
If God collects your tears and records your sorrows, that pain matters to Him.
And if it matters to Him, it deserves healing.
[God’s Invitation to Heal]
The Bible says God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He restores what was stolen. He does not ask us to ignore our pain. He invites us to bring it to Him. David didn’t hide his emotions in the Psalms. He poured them out, fully.
Psalm 34:18 it says,
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
They're pretending they've got it all together. The brokenhearted.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
They're pretending they've got it all together. The brokenhearted.
[A Personal Reflection]
So today, I want you to consider:
What pain has gone unseen?
What experience have you minimized—maybe even to yourself?
What memory or moment have you pushed down or pushed aside as “not that bad,” but deep down, it’s still shaping your life?
Maybe it started in childhood.
Maybe it came from school, a relationship, a job, or even a church.
Whatever it is—your story matters.
You don’t have to carry it alone.
And you don’t have to pretend it didn’t happen.
God has healing for you. If you need help, tell a friend, seek out pastoral care, find a professional counselor you can trust, but don't minimize it. It matters, and we need to be real to heal.
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