The LADY, the JEEP, and the DUCKIEThere is a woman who started putting plastic ducks on Jeeps in 2020 as an act of connection during a time of such disconnect. If ever there were a time to find a way to reach out and bless someone else, 2020 was the year. Well, her act of kindness rippled, and it is now not uncommon to find random Jeeps with rubber ducks on their sideview mirrors. While I haven't had a Jeep in several years, I kinda want to get one just for the sake of the connection to other Jeep duck givers. Why? Well, of course, the ducks are super cute, but also for the joy that it must be for both the giver and the receiver to share a surprise with each other through a colorful duck shaped piece of plastic.
I can't imagine that people would ever get upset by finding one of those cute little critters when they get back to their vehicle after going grocery shopping or eating lunch at a restaurant, but there probably have been some who are bothered by it. Why? Because we are each unique and see things through our own lenses. Maybe someone had a rough toddler bath time and a rubber duck caused some angst, who knows? But, what really matters is that we respect each other's needs and wants.
Yet, I can't help but think that there may be people who think they don't want to be ducked but could be sad to find out they actually have been left out of the experience.
After all, it's tricky to manage all of the ins and outs of the human experience. FOMO, fear of being included, fear of ducks, lol, a lot of what works can seem like a big gamble sometimes when we are dealing with people. As one client said to me recently, "People, working together, what could go wrong?!?"
Therapists spend a lot of time providing a safe space for people, but even we sometimes commit the terrible faux pas that we call "an empathic failure." Even though we work very hard to reach a connection point with each person with whom we work, there are times where one or both of our humanity gets in the way of things being neat and clean. People are sometimes "messy."
Their Needs/Our Needs
Sometimes, we need to speak up. Sometimes we need to listen quietly. Sometimes we need to set boundaries, and sometimes, we need to connect over a good cry or a good laugh. Often, an apology and taking responsibility for our part in the disconnect can go a long way.
Understanding that God has made things to work best when we follow His direction for loving each other, even in the messiness, can make things go better. The following list includes some of my favorite ways to navigate the intricacies of human connections.
5 Tips for Respecting Each Other
- Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn. (Romans 12:15).
- A gentle answer turns away wrath. (Proverbs 15:1).
- Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)
- Keep no record of wrongs, but don't cast your "pearls" before those who will trample them. (1 Cor. 13: 5b, Matthew 7:6)
- Pray for each other. (James 5:16a)
When we own our thoughts, feelings, choices, needs, and words and engage with them and others in the ways that God made to work best, we can have an easier time navigating interactions with others.
To listen to the podcast episode related to this blog, click this link.
Do you ever feel like you're grinding your wheels, like you're going around a hamster wheel over and over again and expecting different results, but not getting them because things just continue the way they've been going and you really long for change, but you're starting to get discouraged and finding it difficult to meet your goals? If that's you, I want to tell you that there is a difference between someone who is successful at reaching their goals and someone who isn't. That difference can come down oftentimes to one of four things. It can come down to a difference in belief, a difference in habits, a difference in perseverance, and a difference in supports. I want to into that for you, so that you can see what contributes to success and what contributes to failure or lack of moving forward.
4 Things that Make a Difference in Success or Failure at Meeting Goals
- Belief: Belief that it is possible is something that those who achieve have many times, whereas those who don't achieve it don't know they can do it. So, if they don't believe it, they don't follow through on the things that will actually pay off and get it. When I wanted to go back to school for my master's degree in professional counseling, I did not know if I could do it. I was already in my mid-30s, and I had three kids at home and was homeschooling and didn't know if I was going to even get into the program because I had to pass a statistics class to be able to qualify to get into the program. So, statistics is math. I am good with words. I am not good with math. I know my strengths and my limitations, and it was really hard to get through that statistics class, but I did. I didn't succeed on the first test. I got an F on the first test. I remember just crying, thinking I thought I was called to this. I thought I was supposed to be a counselor, but I can't get past this first test in statistics. I had studied so hard. I really studied hard. I thought I understood as well as I was going to. I went in there and I bombed the test, and I didn't know how. I thought, oh my goodness, I'm going to waste my family's money and take time away from my kids all for something that I'm just going to throw time and money away. It's just heartbreaking. I remember my husband and I went out to eat at a nice little Italian cafe place, and I remember that moment. It was between will I continue or will I not? I seriously cried trying to decide. It was so hard because it looked like everything was against me. It did not look to me like I could succeed. I only knew what God had called me to and what I desired, yet this statistics class, this first test was standing in my way. As my husband and I thought about it, and we probably prayed about it, too, I don't really recall at this point, but we just decided that it was worth it to go for it because I was there telling myself that I couldn't pass, but in reality, I probably could pass. I just would have to not fail all of the tests, right? I did end up with a C in that class. That was the hardest class of my whole master's program for me. No matter how many A's I got, that C is the one I am the proudest of because I didn't give up and I worked so hard for it, and I believed that I could at least pass that class. I got a C, and that was good enough for me because that's all I needed, was to have a statistics class under my belt. I already had a sociology class and a psychology class from my undergrad degree, so that was it. I could get into the program. It was wonderful because the rest of it was a piece of cake compared to statistics. I was just so thrilled that I didn't give up. So, the belief that I could do something like pass a class, even though I had failed the first test, was a huge, huge shift in what I thought I could do, because I thought it was all over right then and there. But when I chose to believe that it was possible and that God was calling me forward to do it, it was something that I accomplished with God's strength and my husband's help with math tutoring. I did accomplish it.
- Habits: The habits that actually move someone towards success is another difference. The things that we do on the daily, everyday moments, the things that we do when we're trying to set ourselves up for success and for goals are so important. It's not that we have to be perfect or never slip up, but those things that we do over and over again are the things that set the patterns, and those patterns set the outcomes. If you want to achieve your goals, it's important to set effective habits that you follow through on and do regularly, quite possibly even daily.
- Perseverance: Continue to persevere, just like I did through that statistics class. You don't give up. You keep going. Even when things seem hard or seem impossible, you persevere, you keep showing up, and eventually you get through to the other side and you get to see the success and be so proud of yourself for not giving up.
- Support: Have the right supports along the way if you're going to be successful. People who are successful know people who can mentor them, or they get education from others, whether that's through books, courses, mentorship, counseling, or coaching. Whatever it is that they need, they obtain it. They seek out others who can encourage them. They seek out others who can help lead them on to good things, hold them accountable, and show them what is possible. These supports in mentoring, education, encouragement, and teaching, all of these amazing characteristics of what it takes to get to a certain outcome are the people and the things that are in the environment of successful people. See, successful people don't always have everything given to them. Sometimes they have to seek it out.
It's not that things are just naturally easier for people who succeed towards their goals. It's that the people who succeed towards their goals employ these four steps. They believe that they can, they do the actions and the habits that move them forward. They don't give up and they continue to persevere, and they seek out what they need in the way of supports, knowledge, the education, the encouragement, accountability, and mentorship to make it possible.
Scripture for Reaching Your Goals
I can back these things up scripturally, too. If you are looking to meet your goals and you feel like you've just been running on a hamster wheel or a treadmill and cannot get any traction, I want to encourage you with these scripture verses belief that your success is possible.
Philippians 4:13 says, I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
The second one is that you can decide that you will do healthy habits that move you forward towards your goal. I Corinthians 9:24-27 says, do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we for an imperishable wreath. So I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air, but I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified. It's like training. It's like training in sports. It's something that you get your system to do again and again.
Then when you think about not giving up, about persevering. Galatians 6:9 might be helpful to you, and that is, let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. The Bible tells us we will reap what we sow. We will reap a harvest if we do not give up. If we sow good things and if we put that in the ground, those actions will produce good results and outcomes, especially when the Lord has called us to it. When the Lord is stirring our hearts to do something like me going for my counseling degree, we can trust His voice even if we don't see how it's possible because He won't leave us. He will empower us, and He will go before us and make a way.
Finally, Hebrews 10:24-25 speaks to the importance of having others around you who can help which says, let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another. And all the more as you see the day drawing near.
Then, to get knowledge is also supported in Proverbs 16:16 biblically and says, how much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver?
