children

Do you doubt your parenting? Do you find that you wonder if you're messing your kids up? If you're doing it right? If you're too strict or not strict enough, if you yell too much or don't yell enough, if you try to figure out the schedule and it's overbooked or it's not full enough. Are they engaging? Are they learning? Are we having family time? Am I giving them all that I can for God? It's endless questioning if you let yourself. We need to know that we are good parents. When you're raising your kids, it's important to trust the truth, not the feelings.

If you can provide that safe framework for your kids in all of those areas I just mentioned, it's going to do a world of good.

Bonus Tip: If you love their parent, assuming that their parent is a healthy person in the household with you, you stand up for truth, and don't name call, this is also helpful.

Don't name call, belittle, put anybody down, even nicknames or comparisons among kids, like, "oh, you're the pretty one" or "you're the smart one" or whatever. Don't have favorites. Don't name call. Don't beat up on other people. If you're not doing those things or you're working to not do them, you can really put a healthy home together. Again, it's about relationship, not rules. With a healthy relationship in place, you are a good parent. So doing those things should keep you busy for all of your raising kids journey because it's a constant thing of refining and growing both yourself and in growing your kids up and raising them well.

Now, if you have other parenting tips that you would like to share, please go put them in the Facebook. I would love to hear from you or put them in an Instagram to me. I'd love to know your thoughts on what's worked for you parenting wise. And that could also help other people too.

But I want to tell you that the comparison game is absolutely a trap. It will trap you every time because comparison breeds dissatisfaction. Comparison is like taking an orange and making it wish it were an apple. It may very well be a piece of fruit, but it's not red, it's not smooth, it doesn't have the same taste, It has a different seed structure. And yet, oh, this fruit should look like the other fruit. That's ridiculous. That just diminishes the value of the piece of fruit you do have. 

You have been given your kids. They are beautiful gifts. They're your fruit that you are to nurture and care for and encourage, right? Those are the things that God has given you. Who they are, their characteristics, their hearts, their minds, their bodies, their spirits, their experiences, their parents. God designed everything uniquely for them. And you as the parent, get to nurture that and build that up to model and direct. And you alone need to make those decisions for your kids, you and your spouse, of course, assuming the parenting for your kids, but it's up to the parents or the guardians or caregivers or if they're grandparents listening and they're raising the kids. Whoever is the appointed person for taking care of the children, god has ordained you to do it and to do it well. And you will do it uniquely because you are not any other person on this planet and your kids are not any other person on this planet. And therefore you have a unique relationship, a unique bond, and a unique calling and a unique direction and a unique style and a unique way of going about things. Enjoy being the creative, amazing person that God made you to be in whatever way he made you to be it. And the same for your kids.

Let them be who God created them to be in the ways that God created them to be it. Don't try to make it something for them or you that fits into society's norms because you won't fit in. You were made to stand out. You were made for such a time as this for these people. You are shepherding and stewarding.

You may need to make choices right now as it's the middle of July, for things like what school or what teachers or what style or what curriculum or cyber, home, school, public, private. You may need to make decisions about do we do sleepovers? Are we having big birthday parties? How many birthday parties can we afford for them to go to? And what types of gifts and budget do we have for that? You might have things like can they sleep over? Can they join this sports team? Do we have enough time to run them back and forth between band camp and other things? Or should we limit the number of activities? Do we need to put them in every activity. Do we need to carve out more time at home? This kind of piggybacks on the episode that I did about how to make this connection with your kids in this parenting and the ways to go about that.

But this is how you make the choices. How you make the choices matters. The choices need to be God honoring and for your needs and your kids' needs together. It's a family unit, and you're not leading anybody else's family unit. You are stewarding the one you've been given. It's not better than or less than other people and their way of doing it, and neither are their ways better than or less than yours. Now, some of the ways that people go about things, there are some things that are better or worse, right? Things go better when you encourage versus criticize, right? There are things that build up rather than tear down. Of course, that stands to reason.

Whether someone participates in sports or band or art or doesn't participate in all these activities but ends up doing some sort of service or job or how much time they put into homework, it's all variable. My husband did straight A work and was valedictorian, and he never studied. I got A's, but I had to put in the time much of the time, especially in college. Okay? There are people who study all the time and get DS and they're still doing the best they can. And there are people who never study and get F's or DS or A's, right? Everybody's unique. It's not a grading system. We all need to find out where we're talented, where we're gifted, and work with how we've been uniquely designed and created to be. And that includes the design for your family and each member in it.

Enjoy the uniqueness, celebrate it, be proud of the uniqueness, own it. It's so nice now that my kids are all newly in this young adult phase, this launching phase, to be able to go, you know what? We were right. Not in every single thing we ever did or said. I'd love to be able to report that that was true. It wasn't so much right or wrong, but we were right about the things that were most important for us, for our family, and we set those as the intentions for how we parented. We were going to teach them the Lord's love and model it for them. We were going to take them to church regularly. We were going to encourage them to care for people and do volunteer service.

We are going to travel and enjoy having fun, learning and spending time together and having fun and prioritizing it. And we have a family trip coming up where they and special people in their lives are all coming with us. We're going to all go to the beach and hang out and play games and also go off on our own and do things because we all enjoy being together. This is stuff that we cultivated from very early on. Seeing new sights, relaxing, playing, having fun, enjoying each other. But we also encouraged hard work. We also encouraged following your passions and your unique creation. We have a son who's an author.

We have a daughter who's more physically oriented as far as health and fitness and training, weight training. We have a daughter who's more into ministry. Everybody took their own unique direction. That the Lord's leading them in. There's not only one way to parent. In fact, you will probably parent each of your kids in a different way. And that's okay as long as you go back to those rules at the beginning that are more like just really helpful guidelines. Not have-to's, but beneficial things to think about for your kids, for your family.

What are your goals? How will you live that out? And how will you bring your kids along to edify them so that they can go out and serve the Lord in how he's uniquely made them? Quit the comparisons. Own your uniqueness. You'll be able to look back and be glad you did.

Podcast release date: Wednesday, June 7th, 2023.  So today I want to tell you about the family drama that happened on a vacation months we went to Washington DC my husband had a business trip and my kids came with me only two of the three came with me but at the time and I won't read out which two they were but at the time we went to Arlington national cemetery because my parents are taking me and my brother there when we were kids and I thought this is great it's homeschool it's history will go to Arlington national cemetery and we will go and see John F Kennedy's grave and I remembered my parents made a big deal about John F. Kennedy's grave because it had the eternal flame in our end and I was like oh that's interesting this doesn't go out it was it was just interesting And I ask them again come on let me get your picture and they were some more like no we don't want to picture and I said that's it and this is not my proudest mommy moment that's it let's go and I was getting them big-time I was I was so guilty I was like I want you to realize how in my mind I'm like I want you to realize how inappropriate this was when your mom went to take your picture you just smile and it's over with what's the big deal And I march them back down the hill and out of the car can we call that Arlington or like a watch out it's like an Arlington and from that moment forward I did get my way I was like if I ever ask you for a picture again please just smile let me take the picture it doesn't have to be a big deal now I can go into that and kind of dissect it and get what happened and even with saying about the picture you know about you taking the picture there are some skills that I could use differently so let's let's unpack this to see where it went wrong OK one I was expecting my kids to have the same value for this experience that I was having they enjoyed it but it was also like OK it didn't mean anything it wasn't trying to re-create some thing it wasn't anything that you know they were that invested in we were hot we were tired we had traveled five hours four hours whatever We had been in the heat we had walked up the hill I don't know if we had eaten breakfast before that or not or what it happened guessing we had something but probably it was junk food because it was on a trip so there was probably a lot in our reserves that wasn't something that we could pull on right then and then getting there there were stressors and tension because to me because there were other tourists around and so you only got a chance to get in front of the gravesite with the eternal flame for so long right because he didn't wanna get in other peoples pictures he wanted to be polite well this is all my stuff right so I'm like hurry up let me get the picture when I heard I don't want the picture Wait what my plans you went against my plans you went against the way this was supposed to go quotes around supposed to and I didn't know what to do with this because at that point my reserves were shot again the hoped-for Imaginary that I was bringing to this the what I expected it to be my expectations did not match reality the physical heat and exertion and exhaustion did not match the reality of I mean it did match the reality the idyllic family picture did not match reality I mean to this day we just we kind of laughed at that whole thing because they realized mom kind of lost it and fortunately mom knows that and mom was able to make amends but also let them know what acceptable and not acceptable behavior is and then I also can recognize sometimes they don't want to get their picture taken so I need to respect that for them as well But when it's really not a big deal and I'm asking I asked if they would mind just letting me take the picture because it means a lot to me and most of the time they're OK with that but when they're not I don't take the picture or I take pictures and don't post them without approval OK I respect them as well so it goes both ways but this is not really on that line of thought this is more on the fact that the reserves were not there to be drawn upon But I wasn't aware when I went into the situation oh hey just breathe you don't have to rush so fast you know what maybe you guys need more sleep in the morning let's get a healthy breakfast will go over and see if we can get a picture maybe I could've let down my expectations a bit about having to get the picture there as I think back why do I want a picture of a grave with a gaslit flame like that doesn't why would I want that I don't know it seems so important at the time and now I'm like I don't need that picture by the way I didn't get that picture so it doesn't matter  It obviously wasn't something I needed to cause a big deal about and my kids told me that I took them back the next day anyhow so I don't remember that maybe we got a picture the next day I don't have it anywhere that I Yum that I know of so it might be on some device somewhere if we actually did get it but I'm not convinced we did so it was my expectations turns out And I could've handled this in so many better ways any way along this Arlington trip I could have changed it I was the adults I was responsible for that they were very good kids they were not disobedient kids they weren't doing anything wrong they simply didn't want their picture taken I could've respected that in the moment I could've said hey can you come over here a moment this is really special to me and I really like it I know you don't want it but would you be willing this one time right I could have him Said hey let's make sure we have adequate water before we go let's get some cooling towels let's have a nice breakfast instead of junk food let's stop here in the entrance area and stay in some air conditioning Let's take the walk up the hill slower let's not go today let's go on a day that's not 80° Let's go to time where there aren't a lot of tourists let's sit here and wait for people to leave right at any point along this way I could have regulated myself I could've better been there for my kids to help them to be more comfortable in this uncomfortable heat My expectations and my window of tolerance as to what I could take I couldn't take more physically and that's what led to this I needed to cool down I needed to hydrate I need to slow down I need to breathe and I need it to handle it better Being able to honor each other for having our own needs and our own windows of tolerance and they didn't want the picture taken they didn't need to have it taken that they are allowed to have their viewpoints to know in all relationships we can compromise we can ask and negotiate hey guys if it's really not that big a deal to you it would really mean a lot to me Or if they said you know what I know it would mean a lot to you but right now I'm really not wanting my picture taken I don't feel very good about myself because I've been sweating and I'm exhausted I'd appreciate if we didn't and then we decide you know which need is more like pressing I could give up the photo for them right or they could say all let's just smile for mom What happen though wasn't their best move wasn't my best move and so we both had to adjust after we had discussed this and figured it out but you have to recognize your window of tolerance and that starts with your physical body if it's too much if you're not getting enough rest if you're not having good enough nutrition if you're not having enough comfortable temperature or clothes that aren't itchy Right sometimes we expect kids like on holidays to be dressed up and then we wonder why they're miserable because they're in these itchy clothes that are not comfortable right and there's this anticipation anticipation of gifts and all day you're like waiting for people to come and gifts to happen and you're wearing these itchy clothes no wonder kids have meltdowns they're outside of their window of tolerance Hey That's what we need to attend to for a selves and for those we care about that we are all human we all have needs to eat well sleep well be hydrated have space have time be able to go to the restroom or take a shower without continual stress that's why new moms have a rough time you know with moms of young kids they have a rough time because they can't even get a shower by themselves Let's But I didn't unfortunately we have a bitter sweet family memory I think the kids think it's hilarious that mom lost her cool mom still cringes at it because I wish I hadn't now again they've just smiled sure where they kids yeah And I hope that if you find yourself frazzled or at the end of your rope or too much too high of expectations that can't possibly be met with the reality around you they will reconsider stepping back and building in some margin for yourself it makes all the difference