life coaching

As a kid growing up, I had two favorite playmates, my cousins, Johnny and Robby.  Johnny was five years older than me, and Robby was three years older, so I found them to be fascinating and infuriating.  They could do so many cool things that I was too young to do: 

go to a friends house alone, go to school, read, ride a skateboard, and so much more!

One time, though, I got my chance to show them that I could do something they told me I couldn't.

Johnny had brought a "big" instrument home from school because he was going to learn to play it.  To me, it looked as large as a tuba, but in hindsight, i think it was more likely a saxophone.

Whatever it was, I was about six years old and wanted to try it out, but Johnny told me that it's too hard and that I wouldn't be able to play it . Johnny, then, took off up the hill in my grandparents' backyard and left that tempting instrument right there in its case on the ground right next to Robby and me.

Oh, Yeah!  I took the opportunity to take that horn out and put it up to my lips, then I blew into the mouthpiece with all of my six-year-old strength.  To the surprise and delight of Robby and me, I made that saxophone come to life for a brief moment.

Hearing the sound, Johnny came running down the hill to see who was playing his instrument, thinking he could yell at his brother, Robby, but Robby said with astonishment, "It was her!"  

I gained some "street cred" that day in the backyard with my cousins who realized that I could do big kid things after all, and I learned a valuable lesson that  "nobody gets to count me out, not even myself."

Limiting beliefs that try to hold us back are deceptions (from the enemy who tries to steal kill and destroy, John 10:10a)  and keep us focused on the wrong things so that we don't step confidently into the amazing and powerful purposes God has created for us to accomplish. If we count ourselves out, it stops us from fulfilling God's calling on our lives.

It's easy to believe the lies that we aren't good enough, qualified enough, good looking enough, skilled enough, etc..., and to fall victim to the comparison trap, especially if we've been judged or hurt by others.

And, it's also fairly easy and common to think that it's not the right time, we aren't quite prepared enough, we don't know enough, we haven't healed enough, we aren't yet confident enough or know the plan enough yet, or that we have to do more first, to prove ourselves first, or pray more before we take action.

Let me tell you that with that kind of thinking, a lot of people play right into the enemies hands and start counting themselves out, waiting for timing and abilities and circumstances to be just right, waiting to take that next step outside of their comfort zone and into the life they really suspect that they could be capable of living.... if they could just get past their insecurities, lack of confidence, hesitations, doubts, and fears.

To overcome limiting beliefs, self-doubt, fear, and insecurity, we need to not listen to the naysayers, to not let the negative voices take over our thoughts, and to keep God's truths about who He is, who we are, and what He's created and called us to do front and center of our focus each day. 

Now, I want to give you an overview of the top five things that often get in the way of progress for people.

    1.    Thinking that feelings and thoughts are facts. They are information gatherers and synthesizers, but truth comes from God alone and sizing up our feelings and thoughts in light of His truths about us and how life works.

    2.    Waiting for a better time or waiting to get to a certain place in time or achievement and finally "arrive."  If we wait for the "perfect" time, life will pass us by without much to show for it.

    3.    Confusing the hard times with stop signs when they are really just detours or rest stops.  Consistency is more important than perfectionism.  One step at a time, one thing at a time, one day at a time, one action at a time adds up to effective progress.

    4.    Thinking that things aren't working or will never change when you are already on the journey forward.  You may have to pivot and regroup at times, but consistent, healthy, movement forward creates momentum and produces good fruit.

    5.    Making comparisons and listening to lies that try to have you focusing on the past, the future, or the overwhelming nature of the present, when you can learn to be calm, powerful, and take effective action only from where you are in time.   

If there is one thing that I'd like you to remember from today's blog, it's the concept of the BOTH/AND.  Life is generally not an either/or.  It is often a both/and.  We tend to think in all or nothing, shoulds and shouldn'ts, and 
"what if" catastrophes, but in reality, we can both feel uncertain and take a step, want to try something new and need to lean on the Lord for strength, feel competent at some things and feel imposter syndrome with others at the same time, ask for what we need and be content with what we have, and rest but not give up.

Life is a journey, and no one experience tells the whole story.  

Where you are or aren't and where others are or aren't in life right now is simply a chapter, and we are responsible for the actions we take as we let God write our stories.  We know the author, so we know there is a happy ending, and if it isn't good, it's not over.

And to close this out, don't ever let someone else tell you what you are, who you are, or what you can't do, not even yourself. 

Take a listen to this week's podcast episode: Want to Stop Getting Down on Yourself - Flexible Thinking Can Help

When I work with women through coaching or counseling appointments, I often hear the things that aren't said.  It's not like I audibly hear words, but more about knowing how to listen to hear what is focused on and what is avoided. This learned listening technique can speak louder than what is actually shared because it is often under the client's conscious awareness.  

For example, if a client tells me that she "shouldn't get so upset about something so unimportant," depending on the context, I might hear any of the following silent self-talk messages she struggles with internally:  

This unspoken information then helps me to understand what the deeper experience "feels" like for the client.  Are they feeling stuck, judged, not good enough, hurt, frustrated, powerless, etc...?"  As I ask them to share further, we can, together, be aware of the ways these internalized beliefs came about, what was needed to survive and connect with others in the past, and even what is presently helping or presently hindering the goals that the client is working toward attaining.