Jealousy and comparison can stir up powerful emotions.
We can find freedom when we understand what's really going on beneath the surface and learn how to set boundaries that protect our joy. Here’s the good news: jealousy, comparison, and those tough emotions are manageable, and healing is possible.
Comparison steals our joy.
When we compare ourselves to others, it’s easy to feel “less than,” like they’re somehow better or more blessed, and something must be wrong with us. That kind of thinking robs us of the contentment God desires for us.
Not all dissatisfaction is bad.
Feeling dissatisfied doesn’t always mean jealousy is at work. Contentment is a blessing, but dissatisfaction can sometimes signal that there’s room for growth or a need to improve something in our lives. When Scripture talks about being content in all circumstances, it’s not telling us to settle or stop striving. (Philippians 4:11-13) It’s about a heart posture—appreciating what we have while recognizing what God wants to help us improve or heal in our lives.
Sometimes, jealousy sneaks in when we see someone else with something we want.
If we pause and ask, "what is actually missing inside me that’s making me feel this way?" we might find it’s not just about the “thing” itself. Wanting more or wanting change can be a healthy nudge toward growth. But when jealousy and comparison start stealing your joy, that’s a red flag worth paying attention to. Jealousy might look like coveting what someone else has, but it often points to a deeper feeling of lack—maybe low self-esteem, past hurts, or unmet needs for love, attention, or validation.
Boundaries
Boundaries are about respecting yourself and others. Boundaries help you recognize what belongs to you and what belongs to others. Imagine your mind like an apartment. You’re responsible for keeping it clean, safe, and joyful—a place you want to come home to. You get to decide which thoughts, actions, and influences you allow inside, and which you don’t. Just like you wouldn’t let someone dump trash in your home, don’t let negative or jealous thoughts take up residence in your mind. Everyone has their own battles and blessings. When you catch yourself comparing, remind yourself: you’re only seeing a snapshot, a highlight reel. You don’t see their struggles, their pain, or the hard work behind their success. You might think someone “just has it better,” but you’re not seeing their whole story. Even in your own life, there might be parts you don't fully understand yet.
Instead of beating yourself up for feeling jealous, ask yourself:
What is this jealousy pointing to? Am I feeling insecure? Am I feeling loss or rejection?
Awareness is powerful and helps you choose healthy ways to meet your needs. Focus on your self-growth, self-care, and celebrate your strengths. Speak kindly to yourself and remind yourself who you are in Christ. Your value isn’t defined by what others have or do—your value is rooted in God’s love and your unique design.
Seek connection and support.
Find safe people—friends, mentors, counselors—who can listen without judgment and help you feel seen and valued. Proverbs 14:30 says, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” This reminds us how vital peace and contentment are for our well-being. When others are blessed, it doesn’t mean you lack.
Protect your joy, create peace, and open space to bless others with kindness, love, and joy.
You are a beloved child of God, created uniquely with your own gifts and purpose.
Your journey is yours—and that’s a beautiful thing.
If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed and want some personal support, I’d love to help. Click here to book a free 15-minute consultation. Together, we can explore how coaching or counseling can support you in living a joyful, peaceful life grounded in faith.
If you want to ask me a question or suggest a podcast topic, click here to leave a message. I’d love to hear from you!
Having just gotten back with my family from Tucson, Arizona (refreshed and exhausted from jet lag!), I am thinking about the majestic Saguaro cactus. Above is a completely real photo with no editing of one of the amazing views we got at sunset as we drove through Saguaro National Park.
We went to have a reunion of sorts with my husband's side of the family to celebrate his parents' 60th Wedding Anniversary. So, we all packed that week full of neat sights and experiences together, and that is one of the things the Saguaro cactus has going for it, too.
You see, a Saguaro cactus can grow to be around 40 feet high and can live to be about 150-200 years old. It's remarkable, but it doesn't do it alone. The saguaro typically grows in "stands." This means that it grows along with many, many other saguaros on a large patch of land. All the cacti standing together and growing upward.
That's the importance of community for us as Christians, too. We grow upward to God by standing together for the things of God alongside others who value the same.
Maybe you have a tribe standing with you, and maybe you don't....yet. Maybe you just haven't found the right tribe fit for you. It's okay, no judgement and no pressure. It's just that healthy connections build health.
Here are the three take-aways I want to give you today...
1) Stand, Growing Up Toward God and With Others Growing the Same Way
2) Set Effective Boundaries- The Saguaro has protection for itself in its prickly spines so that it doesn't get eaten by ravenous animals. It isn' mean to say "no" and set parameters for how much access toxic things or people have to us...even if that means no access in certain situations. Protecting yourself from that which is trying to hurt you is okay.
3) Store Up Nutrients and Hydration when times are good. Praying, Bible Reading, Building Healthy relationships during times of ease helps make the times of desert easier to survive and gives more nourishment that is easier to draw from. The Saguaro takes in water and makes it into food that it can live off of in difficult times of desert.
So, if you are drained by those in your circle, or lacking a circle, or even if you are blessed with a great circle to stand with, the importance is to cultivate where you are so that you can bloom and have support whether you are in a season of lush growth or a desert season. Just like the saguaro who thrives anyway.
This week's podcast is on 17 Things that can sabotage our flourishing and how to think more helpfully. If you haven't already tuned in, you can listen to it by clicking the link.
Lastly, if you are longing for a place to stand with others, grow, and heal, I invite you to check out the Mental Health for Christian Women membership community. We'd love to have you join us.
