God is the designer of our minds and our bodies. God is the one who teaches us the truth through His Word.
Tip #1: Realize that your feelings are not facts.
Feelings are just information. It is factual that you are having feelings. You are having certain feelings, and these sensations may be labeled with a certain word that says what the feeling is. This does not mean the feeling is telling you the truth about your value, about the situation, about someone else's intent, or about whether you're in danger.
Our emotions are not indicators of our worth, of our salvation, or of our spiritual standing. Emotions are signals letting us know how our body and mind are reacting to circumstances. Feelings don't define you. Feelings are simply messengers that God put into the body to alert you. Jesus Himself felt grief, righteous anger, compassion, and sadness.
1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."
Tip #2: Realize that your body is not separate from your spirituality.
Jesus had a fully human body and he was fully God and fully human. It was by the shedding of Jesus' physical blood and the physical raising of His body that saved us. Jesus is perfect.
Knowing that we are safe physically can help us to feel more into the truth that Jesus is our peace. If your body is not able to recalibrate and rest, it's hindering you from the fullness of the experience of being able to rest our bodies, minds, souls, and spirits in Christ.
Tip #3: Boundaries are Biblical.
God Himself gave Adam and Eve boundaries.
Genesis 2:16-17 says, "And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.""
God gave people free will with choice and warning. Adam and Eve ate from the fruit in the garden of Eden and that's what caused the problem. As a result, God set up more boundaries.
Genesis 3:23 says, "therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken."
Jesus set boundaries for Himself while on earth. He was not available to everyone all of the time. Even Jesus went away to pray.
Healthy boundaries are simply saying that we as humans have limits to our energy, time, resources, and should steward them wisely.
Tip #4: Prayer is powerful and so is therapy.
Therapy is not a lack of faith, but is an act of stewardship. The Bible tells us that there is value in counsel. Jesus Himself is the mighty counselor. You have to be wise with the person you choose as your therapist, so that they don't lead you into anything that isn't according to Godly parameters. God uses many tools to bring about healing and therapy could be one of them.
Prayer connects us spiritually and therapy helps us to heal. Therapy can untangle the emotional, mental, and behavioral patterns that might be keeping us stuck.
Proverbs 15:22 says, "Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed."
God created your brain, body, and emotions. He knows how they work and He is not limited to only what seems like a spiritual intervention. God works through skilled, Godly professionals...and ungodly professionals too.
Tip #5: Rest is important.
Too many times we criticize ourselves for needing to take a rest. Jesus Himself took rests and God implemented Sabbath. Sometimes we need time to decompress, or recharge so that we can think more creatively, be more effective, and more of service. You are not meant to run on empty. We can honor God through rest. It's okay to take a nap and step away from your endless to-do lists.
Tip #6: Community matters.
You were not meant to do life alone. Healing happens in connection with people. Although, isolation is not always bad, but thinking that you don't need anyone is not healthy. God made us to encourage one another. Find healthy people who speak truth, encourage you, build you up, and pray for you.
Tip #7: Grace is for you too.
God's love is for you too. Often we have so many thoughts running through our minds that are critical and you go down the rabbit trail. Grace is for YOU. You are not the exception. Jesus already took all the hits for ALL the sin and He overcame it. The gift is free for the taking. Jesus died for your freedom.
So stop measuring your worth by your productivity, performance, or feelings...you are loved because God is love and He loves YOU.
Romans 8:1 says, "There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
God has a wonderful plan for your life.
Codependent.
This is a word that can come loaded with emotion, responsibility, shame, guilt, self-doubt, people-pleasing, and fear of going against the way your protective survival skills have trained you to go about life.
Well, this week, a variation on this theme kept coming up in my sphere of observation. From counseling and coaching meetings to a trip to the convenience store, one theme seems to be showing up repeatedly. as.."someone bothered me by their thoughts/words, and I find myself emotionally spinning as a result of it."
Over and over again, I was observing situations in which "Person B" had thoughts or opinions that were made known to "Person A" in a way that "Person A" didn't appreciate but was trying to work through. "Person B" in each case had expressed themselves in a way that "Person A" was feeling "put upon" by the disclosure(s) of "Person B," and "Person A" felt the pain and pressure of trying to sort through the various nuances of that information "Person B" attempted to share.
If that last paragraph sounds convoluted and confusing to you in any way, image how confusing it can feel when you are "Person A!" You're minding your own business, trying to live your life well, and "Person B" drops a verbal "bomb" of some sort....perhaps, an insult, a blaming statement, a shaming statement, an expectation, or an observation that you didn't ask for, didn't want, and didn't deserve right at your proverbial feet.
Those kinds of situations bring up all kinds of "feels" right? There's the confusion, the frustration, the hurt, the anger, the trying to understand and meet someone else's needs, the digging in of heels when we feel pushed against our will or resentful of the intrusion we didn't ask for because somebody else just had to express themselves "at our expense" in some way, and overall, the dysregulation in our nervous systems when we feel the load of what "Person B" expressed.
The key to handling these types of situations is to recognize what "belongs to you" and what "belongs to the other" person.
It gets convoluted and confusing, when we can't identify where we end and they begin, just as they couldn't identify where they end and we begin.
It's easier said than done, though, because these kinds of things can send our nervous systems into fight, flight, freeze shutdown, or fawning. So, how can we become more clear on what does and does not belong to "us?"
6 Questions You Can Ask to Leave "Person B's" stuff with them.
1) Ask yourself, "What am I observing?"
2) "Is this mine or theirs?"
3) "Do I need to respond/take action, or is it their issue/responsibility?"
4) "Am I trying to be the rescuer, when they need to be the one who makes their choices and experiences the consequences of those decisions they've made?'
5) "What am I going to do with what I have observed or experienced?
6) How can I make a healthy choice that pleases God out of truth and not obligation, people pleasing, or fear?"
On a related note, finding one's way after belonging to a religious cult is an experience that leaves a lot of confusion and conflicting thoughts and emotions to sort through, too, as the cult's destructive messaging and beliefs can be left at the unsuspecting doorstep of its followers. Don't forget to check out this week's podcast episode, Part 2, of my interview with Liza Lovett, from the Warrior's Community Podcast, where she shares more about her journey to healing from toxic abuse.
If you would like help walking through the difficulties of life and mindset issues, the Mental Health Membership Community is NOW OPEN. You can learn more about what's included,and join by clicking this link.
