Do you ever feel like you're grinding your wheels, like you're going around a hamster wheel over and over again and expecting different results, but not getting them because things just continue the way they've been going and you really long for change, but you're starting to get discouraged and finding it difficult to meet your goals? If that's you, I want to tell you that there is a difference between someone who is successful at reaching their goals and someone who isn't. That difference can come down oftentimes to one of four things. It can come down to a difference in belief, a difference in habits, a difference in perseverance, and a difference in supports. I want to into that for you, so that you can see what contributes to success and what contributes to failure or lack of moving forward.
4 Things that Make a Difference in Success or Failure at Meeting Goals
- Belief: Belief that it is possible is something that those who achieve have many times, whereas those who don't achieve it don't know they can do it. So, if they don't believe it, they don't follow through on the things that will actually pay off and get it. When I wanted to go back to school for my master's degree in professional counseling, I did not know if I could do it. I was already in my mid-30s, and I had three kids at home and was homeschooling and didn't know if I was going to even get into the program because I had to pass a statistics class to be able to qualify to get into the program. So, statistics is math. I am good with words. I am not good with math. I know my strengths and my limitations, and it was really hard to get through that statistics class, but I did. I didn't succeed on the first test. I got an F on the first test. I remember just crying, thinking I thought I was called to this. I thought I was supposed to be a counselor, but I can't get past this first test in statistics. I had studied so hard. I really studied hard. I thought I understood as well as I was going to. I went in there and I bombed the test, and I didn't know how. I thought, oh my goodness, I'm going to waste my family's money and take time away from my kids all for something that I'm just going to throw time and money away. It's just heartbreaking. I remember my husband and I went out to eat at a nice little Italian cafe place, and I remember that moment. It was between will I continue or will I not? I seriously cried trying to decide. It was so hard because it looked like everything was against me. It did not look to me like I could succeed. I only knew what God had called me to and what I desired, yet this statistics class, this first test was standing in my way. As my husband and I thought about it, and we probably prayed about it, too, I don't really recall at this point, but we just decided that it was worth it to go for it because I was there telling myself that I couldn't pass, but in reality, I probably could pass. I just would have to not fail all of the tests, right? I did end up with a C in that class. That was the hardest class of my whole master's program for me. No matter how many A's I got, that C is the one I am the proudest of because I didn't give up and I worked so hard for it, and I believed that I could at least pass that class. I got a C, and that was good enough for me because that's all I needed, was to have a statistics class under my belt. I already had a sociology class and a psychology class from my undergrad degree, so that was it. I could get into the program. It was wonderful because the rest of it was a piece of cake compared to statistics. I was just so thrilled that I didn't give up. So, the belief that I could do something like pass a class, even though I had failed the first test, was a huge, huge shift in what I thought I could do, because I thought it was all over right then and there. But when I chose to believe that it was possible and that God was calling me forward to do it, it was something that I accomplished with God's strength and my husband's help with math tutoring. I did accomplish it.
- Habits: The habits that actually move someone towards success is another difference. The things that we do on the daily, everyday moments, the things that we do when we're trying to set ourselves up for success and for goals are so important. It's not that we have to be perfect or never slip up, but those things that we do over and over again are the things that set the patterns, and those patterns set the outcomes. If you want to achieve your goals, it's important to set effective habits that you follow through on and do regularly, quite possibly even daily.
- Perseverance: Continue to persevere, just like I did through that statistics class. You don't give up. You keep going. Even when things seem hard or seem impossible, you persevere, you keep showing up, and eventually you get through to the other side and you get to see the success and be so proud of yourself for not giving up.
- Support: Have the right supports along the way if you're going to be successful. People who are successful know people who can mentor them, or they get education from others, whether that's through books, courses, mentorship, counseling, or coaching. Whatever it is that they need, they obtain it. They seek out others who can encourage them. They seek out others who can help lead them on to good things, hold them accountable, and show them what is possible. These supports in mentoring, education, encouragement, and teaching, all of these amazing characteristics of what it takes to get to a certain outcome are the people and the things that are in the environment of successful people. See, successful people don't always have everything given to them. Sometimes they have to seek it out.
It's not that things are just naturally easier for people who succeed towards their goals. It's that the people who succeed towards their goals employ these four steps. They believe that they can, they do the actions and the habits that move them forward. They don't give up and they continue to persevere, and they seek out what they need in the way of supports, knowledge, the education, the encouragement, accountability, and mentorship to make it possible.
Scripture for Reaching Your Goals
I can back these things up scripturally, too. If you are looking to meet your goals and you feel like you've just been running on a hamster wheel or a treadmill and cannot get any traction, I want to encourage you with these scripture verses belief that your success is possible.
Philippians 4:13 says, I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
The second one is that you can decide that you will do healthy habits that move you forward towards your goal. I Corinthians 9:24-27 says, do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we for an imperishable wreath. So I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air, but I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified. It's like training. It's like training in sports. It's something that you get your system to do again and again.
Then when you think about not giving up, about persevering. Galatians 6:9 might be helpful to you, and that is, let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. The Bible tells us we will reap what we sow. We will reap a harvest if we do not give up. If we sow good things and if we put that in the ground, those actions will produce good results and outcomes, especially when the Lord has called us to it. When the Lord is stirring our hearts to do something like me going for my counseling degree, we can trust His voice even if we don't see how it's possible because He won't leave us. He will empower us, and He will go before us and make a way.
Finally, Hebrews 10:24-25 speaks to the importance of having others around you who can help which says, let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another. And all the more as you see the day drawing near.
Then, to get knowledge is also supported in Proverbs 16:16 biblically and says, how much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver?
What is that one thing on your heart you want to get started? What is that one thing that is hanging out there which is nagging at you? If you could only gain traction on this one thing, it would really be a blessing and give you the momentum to move forward. Identify what it is! Although it may not fulfill you immediately, it will feel good to get started on it.
Game Plan-Reverse Engineer It!
So, what is that goal you want to work towards? After you identify it, you will want to reverse engineer it, so you know how to get there. Reverse engineering is something I had no clue about until I married my husband who is guess what? An engineer! He thinks in a totally different way than I think. While I think in vision and possibilities, he thinks in specifics and in very intentionally, practical ways to get somewhere.
For example, if you need to get somewhere at a certain time, you figure out how long it's going to take you to get there and subtract that from the time, you figure out how long it will take you get ready and subtract that from the time, and you figure out how long it will take you to get things together and subtract that from the time. You should also give yourself a buffer of probably 15 minutes, and then you will most likely get there on time. Since I learned that concept, it's so much easier! Once you know the tools, the skills, and have a game plan, you can apply it anytime you need!
This is where coaching can support you! Coaching can help you apply a game plan, a blueprint, or a roadmap which can help you to know how to get to that goal. But before you can do that, you have to know your goal!
How To Work Towards Your Goal
So, what's that one thing that keeps hanging around which you wish you could make some progress on that would really change or improve your life and possibly stop you from feeling so guilty because it's not getting done?
- Identify it!
- Write it out very specifically.
- Reverse engineer it to the most basic and simplest components of how to go backwards to that beginning step of where you are now.
- Take the first step.
- Keep taking the next step until you reach your goal.
For example, let's say your goal Is to lose 5 pounds and it's really important to you because you have a special event and you want to lose it before a certain date, so you can wear this dress you bought that's now too tight and won't zip.
- Identify it: I will want to lose 5 lbs!
- Write it: I want to lose 5 lbs. by [date]
- Reverse engineer it: Estimate a pound a week or a pound and a half a week depending on the timeframe of this event with some buffer time of a few days.
- Take the first step: Get a weight loss calculator to know how many calories take in to ensure it helps with the loss of a pound/week. Instead of counting calories, it might be creating an exercise plan and going on that first walk.
- Keep taking the next Step until you reach your goal: You keep taking the next doable step. It's actually not about whether or not you can succeed at losing the 5 pounds as much as it is about taking the next action step which moves you towards your goal.
It's very possible that by taking the actions in five weeks' time, you actually lose 10 pounds because you did 2 pounds a week. Well, that's even better but it still starts with one action step. You break it down and decide what you're going to do that's going to continue on a regular basis. I hate to make this example around a weight loss goal as I know there can often be other things tied into that, so this example is for simplicity because most of us are aware of a goal in that area.
A personal goal for me was obtaining my Masters' degree in Counseling. In order to get there, I had to take one course towards my degree at a time because I was also a stay-at-home mom raising 3 young kids. I could not have taken a full course load and also been fulfill my role as a mom. Eventually, I obtained my degree by reverse engineering. It may have taken 4 years instead of 2 at the rate for which I could complete the courses, but the final result was the degree...the goal was met!
Why Don't You Succeed in Meeting the Goal and How Can a Coach Help?
The reason we don't often succeed in meeting our goal is because there are other factors such as, motivation, energy, what's going on in our life, and other stressors, so it's important to be realistic about what you can do.
To go back to our weight loss example, the next question in coaching this particular situation is what could get in the way of you being able to walk on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 8 am? If it's because they don't wake up until 10 am, maybe they start getting up earlier or shift to a more realistic time to walk possibly on a lunch hour.
A coach can help you with clarifying your goal and steps around it by taking the guilt away because they are acting as an objective observer who can ask the right questions to help you implement an actionable plan you can easily follow to move forward towards your goal. This way, there's no shame or guilt; there's just action because you know you're doing something about it.
This is about taking control of your circumstances, so they don't take control over you and overwhelm you leaving you stuck. Overtime, showing up, taking action, and doing one step you can do can lead to great results.
I want you to consider that thing that you've been meaning to do that you haven't taken action on, write it down as a specific goal, and write the action step you will do on a certain day and do that step!
Goal: I want to achieve this...by..
Action Step(s): I will work towards that thing I can do by...
A specific goal + definable, doable action steps = results in moving forward
Take your power back by taking action! The next right step done continually leads to great progress, and then you'll look back at all that you accomplished! And remember, your value doesn't come from what you do; your value comes from who you are as a daughter of the King of kings, the Lord of lords and He has a lot of cool stuff for you to do as He created you! So, take action, get started start where you are, do what you can, and don't let guilt creep in and your feelings lie to you. Break it down simply to the next right step you can do, and then, rinse and repeat!
