insecurity

This is a word that can come loaded with emotion, responsibility, shame, guilt, self-doubt, people-pleasing, and fear of going against the way your protective survival skills have trained you to go about life.

Well, this week, a variation on this theme kept coming up in my sphere of observation.  From counseling and coaching meetings to a trip to the convenience store, one theme seems to be showing up repeatedly. as.."someone bothered me by their thoughts/words, and I find myself emotionally spinning as a result of it."

Over and over again, I was observing situations in which "Person B" had thoughts or opinions that were made known to "Person A" in a way that "Person A" didn't appreciate but was trying to work through.  "Person B" in each case had expressed themselves in a way that "Person A" was feeling "put upon" by the disclosure(s) of "Person B,"  and "Person A" felt the pain and pressure of trying to sort through the various nuances of that information "Person B" attempted to share.  

If that last paragraph sounds convoluted and confusing to you in any way, image how confusing it can feel when you are "Person A!"  You're minding your own business, trying to live your life well, and "Person B" drops a verbal "bomb" of some sort....perhaps, an insult, a blaming statement, a shaming statement, an expectation, or an observation that you didn't ask for, didn't want, and didn't deserve right at your proverbial feet.

Those kinds of situations bring up all kinds of "feels" right?  There's the confusion, the frustration, the  hurt, the anger, the trying to understand and meet someone else's needs, the digging in of heels when we feel pushed against our will or resentful of the intrusion we didn't ask for because somebody else just had to express themselves "at our expense" in some way, and overall, the dysregulation in our nervous systems when we feel the load of what "Person B" expressed.

It gets convoluted and confusing, when we can't identify where we end and they begin, just as they couldn't identify where they end and we begin.  

It's easier said than done, though, because these kinds of things can send our nervous systems into fight, flight, freeze shutdown, or fawning.  So, how can we become more clear on what does and does not belong to "us?"  

On a related note, finding one's way after belonging to a religious cult is an experience that leaves a lot of confusion and conflicting thoughts and emotions to sort through, too, as the cult's destructive messaging and beliefs can be left at the unsuspecting doorstep of its followers.  Don't forget to check out this week's podcast episode, Part 2, of my interview with Liza Lovett, from the Warrior's Community Podcast, where she shares more about her journey to healing from toxic abuse.

If you would like help walking through the difficulties of life and mindset issues, the Mental Health Membership Community is NOW OPEN.  You can learn more about what's included,and join by clicking this link.

Could you use a pep talk today? If you want to feel better about being in your own skin and who you are, then look no farther because it's time to say goodbye to insecurity and to know who you are in Christ.

Today's message is coming from the heart, the heart of God towards you through me. So, you've got God's heart and my heart coming at you in today's message, and that is to let you know that you are valuable, and you are unique. You are a masterpiece who has amazing gifts created by a God who does not make mistakes. You can do all things through Christ, who gives you strength. He cares about every detail. He knows the words before they're on your lips. He knows when you're going to go to sleep at night or to stand up from a seated position. His thoughts about you outnumber the grains of sand. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Anything that tries to tell you differently, anyone who tries to diminish you, minimize you, criticize you, condemn you, judge you, shame you, or lie to you, is not of God. They are not acting of God. They are not representing Him, and you don't need to listen to them. So why do we listen? Sometimes because we're not convinced of our own worth. Sometimes we might be insecure about that thing, so it resonates a little bit deeper, whatever it was that someone said.

There was this business meeting I was on with a woman who is lovely. She comes across very professional and yet very personally encouraging and just sweet and just fully capable. She said she got some feedback from somebody, or from many people, I guess, that she was too pushy or direct. She may be direct, but that does not mean she's pushy. She may be direct, but that does not mean it's bad. She is also all of these other wonderful things. So, looking at it through other people's eyes and then judging something, that's a characteristic, because it's different, as if it's bad, is a mistake and it's a lie of the enemy. And he likes to try to do that because if he can make you feel insecure, not worthy, not good enough, question your value, question your right to show up in life, make you feel diminished in any way, then he's effectively hurt you and taken you out of the equation of making an impact.

So, I want to encourage you, be the unique person that you are. Let the world hear you. Let them know who you are because you bring something to the table that no one else does, that no one else can. God doesn't make anything without a purpose, and He has a purpose for you. The Bible says that He has a future and a hope for you, and that hope will not be cut off. If you're not feeling enough today, if you're worried about people judging you, if you're insecure in any way, or you've been hurt before and you're just trying to survive because you don't know how to feel good about yourself going forward, I want you to hear this message today. Rewind it, replay it, play it again if you need to. You are a unique masterpiece.

God made no mistakes when He designed you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you are gifted in amazing ways for such a time as this, the enemy's just scared of you. People who are insecure, who are saying things, that's their problem, that's not yours. You don't have to buy into the lies. You don't have to shrink for anybody, you don't have to overthink, you don't have to try harder, you don't have to play small you don't have to stay quiet when you need to speak up, and you don't need to speak up when you're fine staying quiet. This is not about you and other people. It's like that Mother Teresa prayer. Love people anyway, do good anyway, but it's never been about you and them anyway.

This whole thing is about you and God. This whole thing called life is about you knowing who God is and becoming all that He has designed for you to be so that you can love others and draw others to Him and be Him in the world. Show up reflecting your heavenly Father, the traits of the Holy Spirit who lives in you, the mind of Christ, all of those things live inside of you as a believer. You can claim and hold on to the truth of your identity and be solid, refuse to entertain the lies any further, and make a choice of not listening to lies by saying, I do not accept that, that is not getting into my space. I know the truth about me because I know who made me. I am fine. I am powerful, strong, and determined, and I am God's. He's got great things for me. I am fully capable, fully enough and don't need to apologize for being seen and taking up space and speaking truth and showing up in love with my gifts to glorify God. I want that for you. I want that for me. 

I want you to really take to heart the fact that the rest of it is all clutter and lies just designed to deceive and get you spinning your wheels, get you hurting, get you doubting, get you to stop taking action that will lead others to Christ and bring healing to others and love to others. And we don't need to play that game. Time's too valuable, you're too valuable. God's too valuable. Others are too valuable to listen to lies.

So, I want to encourage you, take a piece of paper out, write down all of the insecurities that you have, all of the lies, all of the things that go through your mind on a day-to-day basis and for each one that you write down, keep a running list of it. You can do this daily; you can do this for a week; you could do this for a month; you could do it for the next hour, whatever you choose. But choose a time frame and brain dump all of those lies, all of those insecurities, all of those doubts and fears, all of those hurtful things, get them out of you onto paper and imagine that that paper is just sticky paper like fly paper and just all the icky flies, all the icky lies get stuck to this paper, and they can't come back onto you.

Then get out another sheet of paper and write down God's truth about you, God's purposes, God's ways, who you are in Christ. And write those down and that put that inside your heart. Hide God's word in your heart, in your mind, in your words, in your self-talk, in the way you show up in the world, in the way you talk to others, in the way you act and think. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways. Acknowledge Him and he will direct your path. Do not be deceived. Don't look to the left or the right. Look up. Walk with God.

I want to remind you one more time before I go. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God loves you and cherishes you and cares about you. He thinks you're to die for, and He did. You are valuable. Now go live in the power of the resurrected Jesus Christ. He loves you that much. And that's what's important in this life, living for Him because He loves everyone that much too. Now go serve Him. And don't let the lies get in the way. Go take on the day.