Change is a constant part of life, and it is up to us to embrace it and adapt to it.  While change can be scary, it is often necessary to achieve significant goals and live a fulfilling life.

Before you embark on any significant change, it is important to understand and identify your core values. These values are the guiding principles that steer your life in a positive direction and help you make decisions that align with your goals. They are the foundation of who you are, and they remain constant whether you are facing challenges or cruising down an easy road. When you know your core values, you will be able to make better decisions that align with your goals.

For instance, Michelle's values are:

When you want to make a change in life or to survive a difficult circumstance, you need to be able to identify helpers, safe people, those who have your back, can support you, challenge you, and encourage you.  

As you move toward your goals, you may need to set boundaries or cut ties with people who are toxic personalities, tear you down, or take up too much energy and space in your life without enhancing it in some way.  This isn't to say that anyone is disposable, but we realistically cannot befriend the world.  So, being selective as to who is in your inner circle is important.

Jesus had his inner circle of 12.

It is said that you become like the top five people you spend the most time with, so it is important to select your core team wisely.

It's important to narrow down your action steps to specific and strategic next steps.  Cutting out the extra, superfluous, and unnecessary steps or distractions is important for intentional and determined momentum.

 

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I want to know what you're holding on to that is no longer serving you. That it's not the direction you're moving in and so it's time to let it go. And you may have some ambivalence about that. Maybe you don't feel like you want to let it go but when we can say this is not what is working anymore for me, I'm moving in a different direction. What do I need to let go and what do need to hold onto or to gain? We gain a lot of power back in our lives. Sometimes there are circumstances that are beyond our control that we never would have asked for but we find ourselves there and when that happens we need to know how to regroup and get back on our feet. Sometimes we just have an understanding.

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This epiphany of something needs to change. I'm not happy with the results I'm getting or I'm not happy with the way I'm behaving or I'm not happy with the way that I'm living my life and want to do something different or more intentional or with more strategy involved to get a better result. And so the concept that I'm going to talk about today is pretty much how to eliminate and identify what to keep. So how to eliminate things that are getting in the way and how to identify what to keep and what that looks like. So I'm going to take you into my time machine and go back to myself in middle school. So Michelle in middle school algebra class, I was in the advanced class. It was way too much for me. Did really well in elementary school and then got put into the highest class in the 7th grade.

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That was not a good move for me in math, I wasn't there. I got into pre algebra and then in 8th grade I got into algebra. Neither one of those were the best moves for me. And so I did end up in 8th grade actually going back to the second highest class so that I could have math. That was more my speed at that point. Okay, I won't even go into what geometry did to me in high school, forget that. But in my time machine here I'm back in pre algebra or algebra, I don't remember which one. They were in the same room with the same teacher.

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And what does a good Christian girl do when she's eleven or twelve years old and she doesn't understand the math and she's too shy and embarrassed and anxious to ask for help? Yep, I cheated. That's really not the good thing to do obviously. But I did, I cheated. In fact I remember it being something where I felt really accepted too because these two guys in my class were willing to go up behind the teacher, look at what the answers were and then come back and feed them to me because the class all got done before I did. So everybody, once they were done, got to get up and chat and be in the classroom and everything. And the people who were still working just worked silently at their desks. So that was probably not the best teaching moment. The teacher probably should have had better classroom management.

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But these boys were able to sneak over and whisper the answers to me. And guess what? I wanted them. I wanted to do well. I didn't want to fail at this. And I thought, if they're willing to help me, they're my friends. This is good. And so I put it down on my test and I got an A that day and I was so happy that I got an A on this particular test. And then I realized I didn't actually get an A.

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So in my eleven or twelve year old mind, I was like, oh, I got an A. Yay. Yeah, I got an A, but I didn't get an A. And so what I determined was I didn't feel good about myself for lying and cheating and earning a grade I didn't actually earn. Okay, I earned an F because I cheated. I got an A, but I didn't earn it. And that was not okay with the good Christian girl part of me. It was not okay with who I wanted to be.

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I just didn't know what to do about it. But I determined that the next school year I was not going to cheat anymore. I was going to study and I was going to get my grades honestly. And if they were good, they were good, and if they weren't, they weren't. So that brings me to my first point. I learned a long time ago that I have to be true to my core values. I can't compromise my Christianity, my faith, whether I'll steal or not, whether I'll lie or not, whether I'll cheat or not. I can't do that based on a perceived benefit because that benefit isn't actually a benefit.

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So for me, I learned a long time ago those core values were what I really needed to be true to, or else I couldn't really live with myself successfully. I couldn't look myself in the mirror. I just couldn't. And so the first piece, when you think about what you're clinging to and what you need to get rid of is to look at your values. What are you trying to accomplish here? The second piece is to look at the core people that you need in your corner or to disconnect from. So those two guys, as grateful as I was for their help, they were not exhibiting the kind of character that I actually would benefit to have in friends, to cheat with me. Okay, that's not good. In fact, one of them actually is in jail right now.

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But that's an aside. Okay? So here's the thing about core people. You may need to find some new ones to get in your corner that can really be helpful. And you may need to get rid of some or limit your access to some because they may not be in alignment with where you're going or what you're trying to achieve. And then finally is core tasks. What do you need to add in or get rid of that are focused on this main thing, this main objective you're trying to accomplish? We need to get rid of what we're clinging to. That doesn't serve us. Strip away all but the essentials and find what the main thing is.

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If you've listened to me before, you know that I'm a big proponent of what is the one thing we can do to make the biggest difference? What is the one main thing that we're focusing on right now that allows us to make the biggest impact and change? Because we have to start somewhere and we have to do well with that one piece, and then we can build with another one piece, and before you know it, we have two pieces. And then you do that with another, and then before you know it, we have three pieces, and then before you know it, we have maybe a whole year of good choices. And then a couple of years later, we look back and go, wow, man, I'm in a totally different place than I was two years ago. It can be positive or negative circumstances, but how you handle it, whether it's something you expected or didn't expect, want or don't want, something you're moving towards or something you're moving away from, you have the power to say, I need to know where I'm going. So look at your values, look at the people, and look at the tasks. If we go back in my time machine to middle school, Michelle, my values were, I need to be honest before God and not cheat. I need to earn my grades, my core people. I probably should have gotten a tutor.

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I didn't know enough to say, hey, mom and dad really need a tutor here. So I could have benefited from that, but I didn't have that. That's okay. So in that case, my core person was me. I had to live out my values. And what did that mean as far as tasks? That meant that I had to actually do my homework. I had to actually understand the material. I had to actually study.

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And the other task that I really had to do was determine never to look at my neighbor's paper or to accept answers from anybody else ever again. Now, was that tempting to do? Yeah, but not as tempting as wanting to have a clear conscience. I really wanted a clear conscience. I wanted to be able to stand before myself and God and also others to represent Christ well, even as a middle schooler and high schooler, to just go, I don't cheat, to be able to live with myself and look myself in the mirror. Okay, so that's kind of one of my earliest moments of realizing that I had to do something to invoke a change to become the person I wanted to become. And let's say that you need to do that in some area. Let's say that there's a difficult situation, maybe with a divorce, for instance, a divorce you never wanted, but maybe you're there, you're in that situation, and you have kids at home, and so what would this look like? Your core values might be, I need to make sure my kids know they're loved and safe and have as much security as possible. My core people might be a support group.

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It might be family members. It might be good friends. It may not include the spouse that you thought you could count on but did something horrible to you. It may include the core tasks of saying, I'm not going to work overtime. I'm going to be home for my kids when they get home from school. Or it might be the main task for your goals of, I need to increase my income, so I need to arrange childcare. I may need a new job. I may need to negotiate hours.

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I may need to negotiate a raise. There are things that you need to do, and those become your main focus because they're in alignment with your values and you know what you need to do to get there, whether it's people tasks or speaking up or making changes or getting other resources you need. Okay, this works for other areas of life too, right? So it's self improvement, like I said, with not cheating anymore or when you're in a circumstance you didn't want and you're like, oh, my goodness, where do I start? It can work for any of those things. It can work for things like how many activities are my kids going to be in? My values are that I don't want to be out of the house every weeknight. I want to actually see my kids and have relaxing bedtime routines. So what are the people I need in my life and to get rid of? Maybe I need to be with other people who feel the same way so I don't have pressure to have my kids in every sport and extracurricular activity. Maybe the tasks are, I will sign my kids up for one activity each per semester, and the next semester we can do that again, just one activity each, so that we only go out two nights a week or one night a week and the rest were at home. You have to identify what you're going for, know what you value, know what is beneficial and who is beneficial and who isn't, people that are holding you back.

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And I'm not saying, just go get rid of your spouse. Right? It's not like that. I just mean to really get real about where you are, whatever circumstances you're in, whatever goals you're trying to go for in a healthier life, a more God honoring life, a more family oriented life, a more mentally healthy life, a more relationally, sound life. There are so many different situations, but the factors that come down to your empowerment are all the same. What are my core values? Who should be in this part of my life and who should not be? Who needs limited access or who do I need to gain reaching out to so I can learn from them or get support? And what are the core tasks that I will focus on and keep the main thing that is the easiest way? When things are overwhelming or you want to make big change, that is the easiest way to get started. Just go inside and notice your core values, the people and the tasks.