mental health

If you like snow and winter, I am so happy for you because that must be amazing to have that as something to enjoy in your winter arsenal. But for me, it's very, very difficult. In fact, I'm not certain that I may actually have seasonal affective disorder to a mild degree. I actually find the dark days of winter and snow and cold and getting dark earlier rough for me. I have to intentionally choose to bring light and joy and happiness into my surroundings. It's not necessarily that anything has changed except my perception. My being, the way I feel in time and space and my environment and just inside my own skin is affected by whether it is sunny and bright or cloudy and overcast and cold and snowy.

I don't mind snow if there's sunshine and there's no ice on the road, so t's more the fact of the dark bleakness. I know some people find that romantic and they love that. I'm okay with the occasional rainy day. I'm okay with the occasional nice snowstorm that's in the evening, and then you wake up and the sun is shining. But I don't do well with day after day of gray skies, early dark, snow, and ice. It's just not my thing.

Whether you agree with my dislike or you actually enjoy it, I know there is something for me that the sunshine does. The sunshine just makes things better. Now, that doesn't mean I like it totally in my eyes all the time or beating down on me, making me sweat, but if I had to choose between snow in dark, bleak, gray, and snow with sunlight, I'm going to choose sunlight and snow every time (even if I have to wear sunglasses like I'm doing right now, because the glare is so bright). 

I want you to think about those things in your life that affect you and your environment. It might not be the weather, it might not be the scenery, might not be sunshine or snow, but maybe it's music, maybe it's people, maybe it's places, maybe it's things, right? There are certain things that will lift our spirits and certain things that make us feel defeated or down or bleak.

What I want to speak to today is that we need to cultivate with intention those things that bring our minds peace and our hearts joy. For me, let the sunshine in! There was a song in the Flintstones cartoon reruns when I was a kid. It went like this: Let the sunshine in. Face it with a grin. I thought, I like that song. It has the word sunshine in it. Also, one of my first songs I knew as a kid was, "You Are My Sunshine." It is something that has gone back with me as long as I know and as long as I can remember. I like to think of sunshine as God's light. I know that God put that light in the sky, and when I think about sunshine, sometimes I even make the "u" into an "o". I want the sun to shine on me. God, Jesus, His light to shine in my life, because it makes everything better. It takes away the bleakness; it takes away the mundane.

If you can pinpoint something, whether it's sunshine, whether it's your faith in Jesus, which I hope it is, if you're listening to this podcast for certain, that that probably is something that we have in common, and that's a non-negotiable. Then these other things, like our environment, the people around us, and the things we choose to read or watch or do, can either breathe life or death. It says in the Bible that life or death is in the power of the tongue. I believe that that's true. I also believe that what we focus on can bring us life or death. Metaphorically speaking. We can choose to have things in our lives that bring us joy, that cultivate joy, that cultivate hope, and that cultivate encouragement. So maybe turn off that thing that is draining you or causing you to fear. Maybe turn on some praise music or some favorite happy pop music or whatever that is for you. Maybe dance or exercise, or go for a walk with a friend, or go exercise, watch some cartoons, do some art project. Bring joy, bring happiness. Cultivate focus.

When I'm holed up in my home with snow all over the ground and too cold to go out and just not feeling very energetic, I try to focus on what my input is, what I read, what I watch, who I spend time with, and what we do when we spend time together. Those are the things that give life. If you're feeling discouraged today, if the winter doldrums have gotten you down, if you're going through a rough patch in life, I want you to remember that you can always make a choice to look for something good in your life, in your environment, and make an intention to have it, even during the bleakest times. It may simply be that you pick up one thing at the store that brings you joy, make yourself a nourishing meal, allow yourself the pleasure of a nice nap or a good call with an old friend, take your dog for a walk while picking up something that just makes you smile to look at it, or go outside and breathe in the fresh air and just spend time in God's presence.

Sometimes the bleakness sneaks up on you, and if the bleakness has snuck up on you and you're like, wait a minute, I'm more down than I am up, take a moment and intentionally choose what you will do each day that is going to bring life until you do that so often that better days are coming. My grandmother always said, better days are coming, Michelle. Better days are coming, and my grandfather always said, up above the clouds, the sun is shining. I think those are so true. We just have to hold on. I'm going back to my 80s roots here, my teenage 80s roots with the song, "Hold On." It's like, hold on for one more day...things will go your way. I love that song. That song is so important in its messaging, because sometimes we feel like we just can't take one more thing.

Just do one thing to cultivate joy in your life. One more thing to focus and hold on to the Lord until you do it again and again until the sun starts to shine for you. The sunshine will come out. Jesus is still Jesus, and He loves you, and He has good for you and a good plan for your life.

If it doesn't feel like it right now, choose your focus, choose your actions, choose what you do and who you spend time with, and look for the good. Make something good. When I feel that way and I'm cooped up in the house, I love the fireplace and I can cozy up with my favorite blanket and a book. Oh, look, here's the dog! I can have a nice conversation with somebody. I can go clean something that makes me feel all fresh and alive.

Whatever it is that's in your hands to do, you can choose to do it to the glory of God, and you can do it for joy. Building light into your day, day after day, until you get into a sunnier season of life. I hope that helps you today. Just to be encouraged that better days are coming. The sun is shining up above the clouds. Whether you do that with an S-U-N or ultimately S-O-N, Jesus is shining. He still has good for you. Just hold on for one more day.

Do you know that it is not selfish to take care of you and your own needs? That is something that is super important, especially in the Christian lifestyle. So many Christian women struggle with it because they feel like they're not being self-sacrificing or they feel they should be this way, or they should be that way, but that doesn't involve putting their own thoughts, opinions, and needs into stuff. That is just not true. Here's the thing: How can we love other people as we would want them to love us and do unto others as you would have them do unto you if there is no you that is treated well? The way we go around treating ourselves as Christian women is sometimes worse than we would treat an enemy. Now, if you just chuckled at that, and you know what I mean, then this is for you.

You have to have a self. God, Himself, gave you a self, and that self being stewarded well, is not selfish. It's worship. It is absolutely worship to take care of the body and the being that the Lord granted you with at birth. Before birth, actually, I believe at conception that the Lord came in and made you. When he breathed life into you, you into existence, everything was already there. God was there. You were there, and your potential was there. How your body works was there. We need to know that it's okay to be us. You are not some extra secondhand thought that God had. You are absolutely important and known by God before you had one day of life.

So why? Why do you think that you shouldn't have a voice, a choice, needs, or desires or use your gifts or that you're not worth anything? Please, please, please hear me. This is so important. You must begin with you and God. You cannot change anything in your external world for the long haul in a good direction if you are not honest with yourself, you are depleted, you are resentful, you are exhausted, and you are just running on fumes; you have to reverse engineer it. Well, not really reverse engineer it. Reverse it. Forget the engineering part. You have to reverse it. You need to change up the priority. It needs to start with you and God. You've heard me say this before: you start in that inner circle with God and then branch out from there.

Branching out from there means things like self-care, and that means setting up boundaries as to what is acceptable treatment of you and what isn't. That means making choices that are stewarding well what's been given to you. That includes taking time to heal the stuff that's going on inside. That might be emotions that are hurting you repeatedly over years that you're still having trouble getting on top of, and you just keep hoping and praying it away, but it's still there and you need help with it. That could be your thoughts needing to be reframed in light of scripture and truth and more helpful ways of thinking. That could be taking time to simply have a nourishing breakfast and some good hydration and some time with the Lord. There are so many ways that you can steward yourself time with other people who are uplifting and that you can pour into as well.

Or maybe you just need to be poured into and you're going to pour into them when you get a chance. It's okay to be where you are. You've heard me say that before, too. You have so much power. Do not give it away. That's something that happens so often, is we say, I'll get to it another day, or I'm not as important as somebody else, or I don't need to worry about this right now. God will just take care of it. God will take care of things. But sometimes, many times, He's already given you the power to take care of the stewardship that He gave Adam in the garden. Right? To work the land. That was before the fall, that Adam was here to do something. God has put you here to do something and to do something well. You need to have your tools: your body, your mind, your emotions, your relationships, your supports, and your purpose all working together at least most of the time to really get some good traction.

So, if there are things that are getting in your way that are not giving you that good traction. Then that's an area to step up and say, I need to do something different. When people do that, sometimes they get overwhelmed and they try to figure out, well, what is that next step up or what would be the best way? Then that negative thought starts coming in. Stuff like, oh, well, you can't do that because of this or, well, no, that's not going to work because of this. That is that stuff called stinking thinking. There is a way to problem solve. No matter what you are going through, there is a way to do it in a way that works well for you. Even if the situation is unpleasant that you're going through, the way that you handle it can be beneficial and work well for you. And if that gets overwhelming for you, you might get that stress paralyzation that I've talked about, and we don't want you to have to get to that place.

I want you to understand that there is help available and you don't necessarily have to go to therapy. If you've been on the fence about, should I do therapy? It's kind of scary. I can't find a therapist. I don't know where to go. I highly recommend therapy. In my day job, I am a therapist. Yet, if that's not your first step, if that's not what you need right now, or if you need something more, get real with yourself. What do you need? Do you need to go join a gym? Do you need to just start walking with a buddy? Do you need to reach out and make a new friend and take them to lunch? Do you need to spend time in Bible study and prayer? Do you need time to connect with others and learn more so that you can grow and take the first steps? Whatever it is, just get real about it and then put forth that action. Be a good steward. Do what you need to with what's in your hand now and do. Don't get overwhelmed by the big picture. You don't have to have everything working all the time and all at once, but you can optimize things as you realize, hey, this is an area that I could use some improvement in.

If that area that you could use some improvement in is the area of self-care, I want to invite you to join the membership community. The membership community is a place where you can get support for reaching your personal goals. Whether you're ready for counseling or you're not, and you just want some tools and skills and coaching, this is a good thing. If you are in counseling, this is a good thing to come alongside it. That can also help strengthen the skills that you need as you go through the processing of the things that you need to. Or this can be a wonderful next step after therapy is concluded. This membership community can be a helpful companion to you, and you can use it the way that you want to use it. If you just want to get the monthly materials and access to the training vault, go for it, and you join us on a weekly Monday meeting call. If you want to ask me questions, you get coaching access to me through posting in the community. I will answer your questions. I will give you direction. If you ask for it, I will give you some help so that you can decide what's best for you to reach your goals. I'm not going to counsel you. We're not going to do anything to make you go past your level of comfort. We're going to push you a little bit outside of your comfort zone as far as what you are doing now, but not to a place where this has to be uncomfortable.

This is an excellent first step. If you've been thinking, I need help and you keep putting it off because yourself keeps getting pushed to the back burner, I want you to really understand that you are important. You are important. Everything in your life is affected by how well you treat yourself and how well you take care of the things God's entrusted to you; every relationship, every thought, every action, every goal is impacted by what you do with your thoughts, feelings, actions, choices, and your relationships. As I said, it all comes back to how you steward what begins with you and what begins with you began with God, so the two of you make an invincible team. There is good stuff there.

Please don't neglect it. This isn't because I'm trying to get some sale of the membership community. I would love for you to join the membership community, but this is because I see it all too often, Christian women who don't actually take time for themselves. There was a time where I didn't take care of myself in the sense that I would just not even buy myself clothes. I'd just wear my husband's old shirt, tie it up in a knot at the bottom, and say, okay, that's good enough, you know, or I'd wear the same thing all the time. I mean, yes, it'd be clean and washed, but I never expanded anything. Take care of myself or I didn't do the extra things like get a piece of jewelry that would make me feel good and confident in presenting myself professionally. These are things that, why not?

It's not a sin to do things that make you happy. They're not sin to do things that are necessary just for survival and self-care. They're not sin to be good stewards of what God's entrusted to you. When you have a well-developed self, you go out into the world well developed and well impactful, if that's even a word. You can be impactful because you have a solid base from which you're launching.