As a Christian counselor and coach for women, I have the advantage of hearing what's going on behind the scenes in many women's lives and see how women get stuck in the lies they believe which hold them back. In my experience, I have found there are four reasons that cause many women to get stuck and remain in a vicious cycle, causing them to not gain traction towards their goals in life. Most of the time, if these can be mastered, women can overcome what is going on and get unstuck!
The Glass Ceiling
First, I like to envision a glass ceiling as a metaphor for these 4 Reasons for Getting Stuck, not in terms of the business world, but in terms of our own lives. I think we often have our own glass ceilings where these four things get in the way. We don't even realize it because it's metaphorical "glass," and we can see through it. When these four things are addressed, we can shatter that glass ceiling. With God's help, we can keep going, and there's really no limit to how much good we can have in our lives! We have to intentionally cultivate a belief that is not limiting us.
Four Reasons for Getting Stuck
Are You Going Too BIG?
Many of us go too BIG and believe if we can't do it all, then we're not doing anything. We may believe if we're not fully able to do something, we can't. In these cases where you can't do it all at once, choose one thing that will have the biggest impact and make the biggest difference and repeat it until it's solid or a good habit. Incorporate it as part of your life where you can do it without thinking. If you don't just focus on that one thing, you won't make traction on anything because of the burden of carrying all the areas you want to change. You only have so much time and energy and the burden of trying to do something in all areas at once can feel like failure. So don't go too broad and don't go all in or nothing, but instead pick one thing to focus on improving, do it well until you feel solid in it, and then pick the next one thing. Chunking it is the best way to do it!
Do You Struggle with Trauma?
It has been said that from the time someone really starts to be aware of their mental health issues to getting help can be 12 years! That's over a decade of suffering that could be helped a lot sooner. We tend to make all kinds of excuses for not addressing the trauma. We may minimize it as not a big deal or think that we'll get over it. We may think if others can do it, so can I or it's not as bad as others so I can tough it out. This type of rationalization when you are hurting and stuck due to trauma doesn't help you heal from it. Trauma needs trauma healing with help from somebody who can address what has impacted your nervous system where the information is stored which is keeping you stuck. So, if you keep hitting against the same things over and over, you're going to notice patterns. If those patterns are rooted in fear or trauma, I encourage you to reach out to a professional who can help you!
What Is Your Mindset? What Do You Believe?
It's often difficult to reach goals because of our mindset. Our mindset is what we believe we can do and what we don't believe we can do. We often think we have a realistic mindset because that's the lens through which we view the world and our brain is what we use to determine it. This is why we have to take our mindsets back to scripture on a daily basis because the renewing of our mind gives us more accurate lenses. For example, I'm currently struggling with some eyesight issues for which I need to go to the eye doctor. I am noticing how much my vision is clouded in one of my eyes making things harder to focus on, and I need it to be healed. I need to remove that cloudiness, distortion, or diffusion of light because I can't see with accuracy. Once I get that corrected, I will see clearly. With my eyes, I know I can see much more clearly out of one eye than the other. When I apply this example to our mindset, we don't even know what we have been tolerating for so long if we've been accepting it as truth. We decide this truth in our minds and if this is not lined up with scripture, we might not be seeing things as clearly as we think we are. Through scripture, we can have a mindset that challenges limited beliefs or that glass ceiling and speaks the truth where we can do all things through Christ. As women, we don't want to play small; we want to play for God who created everything from the stars in the sky to every hair on your head.
Where's Your Confidence?
A lack of confidence is something that may also leave you feeling stuck. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength...this is the confidence in which you can have a better life and not live in misery. This confidence is one in which you can do and achieve hard things. So, if you don't have the confidence in yourself right now, have the confidence in God because He says He will never leave you or forsake you. He is where we can put our confidence. God didn't make junk; He made you fearfully and wonderfully with many gifts, skills, and talents. He can do amazing things through your life, but you need to let Him by healing that which hasn't been healed through professional treatment if you need it and not trying to do everything at once by choosing one thing at a time. Don't tell yourself that it's not good and instead, keep working at it until you get good and then go to the next step. Have confidence in what He can do and check your mindset by returning it back to the truths of scripture and the immensity of who God is and all He created for you.
If you do these four things in your life, they are going to make a huge difference. You'll be amazed at what you and God achieve together because He can already do it and you can too, but you just need to know it!
Raw Podcast Episode Transcript -
Welcome, today we're talking about strong feelings strong feelings so many times Christian women are frayed to have their own strong feelings it's almost like everybody else in the world gets to think and feel the way that they think and feel but if we have strong feelings somehow we're sinning or somehow we're out of line or we shouldn't do that or we silence ourselves or we have a lot of shit around it and a lot of guilt or a lot of condemnation or a lot of putting ourselves down those kinds of things and I'm here today to tell you that strong feelings remind you actually because I've said this before but sometimes we need to be reminded of these truths strong feelings are not saying having strong feelings simply means that we are picking up on some thing That is not right something bothersome whether that's within ourselves or from others or from our environment we're picking up on something and it is impacting us with strong feelings and they're strong because they're trying to get our awareness that somethings up and so if you have that issue where you feel guilty for having strong feelings or for having a point of you I want to just challenge you to think about strong feelings as simply Physiological responses just like you know your temperature rises when you have a fever it's not saying that your temperature rises it's there to help you fight off the germs the fever helps fight off the germs the fever doesn't feel good the fever is intense the fever might make you sweat There are many different feelings some of them are for making us aware that we don't have enough space carved out for ourselves and we need more time to just take some time to regroup carving more time of space in our day so that we don't go to rage and anger with our kids are with our families Some of them are there because somebody did something really horrible to us and we shouldn't allow it it's OK in our anger do not sin right and when we are weak he is strong Jesus wept Jesus overturn the tables right feelings are not sin How we act with those feelings can be said or not Jesus I'm sure he did not sing because he was perfect so even turning over the tables I don't know that I'd be so bold to do that all the time but There are certain situations that might call for certain things as long as they're not sin and you are taking control of these responses this physiological feelings and deciding what they're telling you what infection so to speak they're trying to fight off for you Then you can decide what's needed what's appropriate the feelings are not a problem welcome them except them trust them as advisers That are telling you something needs to be looked at further don't let them overtake you such that they guide everything you do or lead you to negative choices or sin But view them as welcome indicators that help you regulate what you're doing what you're feeling what you're needing what you want to take action on these are the things that feelings are here to help us to they let us know when boundaries have been crossed they let us know when we've been sent against they let us know when we need to protect somebody else they let us know when we have to set boundaries when we have to say no I don't like this because And then figure out why figure out what it is that this feeling is responding to from your environment or from within you Notice what's happening and when you can realize why that's happening why did I just get this feeling right here like I remember this one conversation I had one time where somebody acted like they were having a nice conversation with me and they just slipped in something that was incredibly rude insulting and presumptuous and totally not me They were kind of questioning the motive of mine and that was not my motive and I got really angry really fast and some might think well why would you get angry if that wasn't your motive I got angry because I was being kind of underhandedly accused of doing something that I was not doing in fact I had gotten really angry because it was the exact opposite I was going to bat for this person and they were thinking that I wasn't going to bed enough for them And yet they have no idea behind the scenes how much I thought to go to bat for them and so in this circumstance I had righteous anger because I was being told that I was something I wasn't or that I was doing something I wasn't doing and that ticked me off because I wasn't and you know I could cave and go OK maybe I did they think so so no don't do that don't do that know yourself It What It doesn't mean you can't be wrong sometimes and apologize if you are but if you really don't suspect you're wrong somewhere start paying attention to that I'm not talking about false pride or anything like that but I'm talking about truth there are things that we can righteously get angry about and stand against and go no that is not OK with me that is not who I am that is not what I've done that is not OK with me I don't like how you're treating this person I don't like how you're treating me I need you to stop I need to get out of here whatever that sense of emotions are I know I'm talking more in the anger here and what to do with it and in that situation I said that makes me Angry That is not at all what I've been trying to do here and the person backpedaling so I'll never say that again I was like good and I do you know graciously gave them away to get out of this conversation but I would rather not ever have to have a confrontive experience I mean let's just be real ass not fun although some people thrive on that because they feel powerful that way I like to get along with everybody because I like to treat people fair and I like to believe they'll treat me fairly Is your friend says or that your spouses or that your kids do it may be time to speak up not deny the feelings not put them down not take blame for something that isn't yours if it is yours of course that's different you make amends repent and change and ask for forgiveness and all of that but I'm talking about those things that you're not doing anything wrong you're just having intense feelings and maybe somebody's wronged you it is totally OK To validate those feelings and go hey this is an indicator that somethings not OK with me here and then to do something about it set a boundary have that conversation a gentle answer turns away wrath it doesn't have to be a big deal a lot of people think that intense feelings mean arguments and fights They don't need to they can be handled with when this happened I feel this way Would Would you help me buy whatever or I'd really appreciate your help with this or if you could not say that that way that would mean a lot to me It depends on the situation of course but finding what you really need that your feelings are trying to tell you is OK it's OK to trust that you can have a self who has feelings and sometimes intense feelings and they're there is your friends To help you realize when something is needed or something is wrong So that you can tend to them so that you can live life more fully and informed and intentionally feelings are friends unless they take you into sin unless they get bottled down inside and don't get adequately addressed I often think though those Christian women we take our feelings and think that we need to tamp them down to be nice to be acceptable to not sin we can have our feelings and choose what to do with them and that choosing what to do with them is not sad songs we choose wise things to speak the truth and love a gentle answer turns away wrath Trust in the lord with all your heart lean not on your own understanding those are the ways to deal with feelings for affectively I hope that encourages you and empowers you today take care.
