Raw Podcast Transcript:
Podcast release date: Wednesday, June 7th, 2023. So today I want to tell you about the family drama that happened on a vacation months we went to Washington DC my husband had a business trip and my kids came with me only two of the three came with me but at the time and I won't read out which two they were but at the time we went to Arlington national cemetery because my parents are taking me and my brother there when we were kids and I thought this is great it's homeschool it's history will go to Arlington national cemetery and we will go and see John F Kennedy's grave and I remembered my parents made a big deal about John F. Kennedy's grave because it had the eternal flame in our end and I was like oh that's interesting this doesn't go out it was it was just interesting And I ask them again come on let me get your picture and they were some more like no we don't want to picture and I said that's it and this is not my proudest mommy moment that's it let's go and I was getting them big-time I was I was so guilty I was like I want you to realize how in my mind I'm like I want you to realize how inappropriate this was when your mom went to take your picture you just smile and it's over with what's the big deal And I march them back down the hill and out of the car can we call that Arlington or like a watch out it's like an Arlington and from that moment forward I did get my way I was like if I ever ask you for a picture again please just smile let me take the picture it doesn't have to be a big deal now I can go into that and kind of dissect it and get what happened and even with saying about the picture you know about you taking the picture there are some skills that I could use differently so let's let's unpack this to see where it went wrong OK one I was expecting my kids to have the same value for this experience that I was having they enjoyed it but it was also like OK it didn't mean anything it wasn't trying to re-create some thing it wasn't anything that you know they were that invested in we were hot we were tired we had traveled five hours four hours whatever We had been in the heat we had walked up the hill I don't know if we had eaten breakfast before that or not or what it happened guessing we had something but probably it was junk food because it was on a trip so there was probably a lot in our reserves that wasn't something that we could pull on right then and then getting there there were stressors and tension because to me because there were other tourists around and so you only got a chance to get in front of the gravesite with the eternal flame for so long right because he didn't wanna get in other peoples pictures he wanted to be polite well this is all my stuff right so I'm like hurry up let me get the picture when I heard I don't want the picture Wait what my plans you went against my plans you went against the way this was supposed to go quotes around supposed to and I didn't know what to do with this because at that point my reserves were shot again the hoped-for Imaginary that I was bringing to this the what I expected it to be my expectations did not match reality the physical heat and exertion and exhaustion did not match the reality of I mean it did match the reality the idyllic family picture did not match reality I mean to this day we just we kind of laughed at that whole thing because they realized mom kind of lost it and fortunately mom knows that and mom was able to make amends but also let them know what acceptable and not acceptable behavior is and then I also can recognize sometimes they don't want to get their picture taken so I need to respect that for them as well But when it's really not a big deal and I'm asking I asked if they would mind just letting me take the picture because it means a lot to me and most of the time they're OK with that but when they're not I don't take the picture or I take pictures and don't post them without approval OK I respect them as well so it goes both ways but this is not really on that line of thought this is more on the fact that the reserves were not there to be drawn upon But I wasn't aware when I went into the situation oh hey just breathe you don't have to rush so fast you know what maybe you guys need more sleep in the morning let's get a healthy breakfast will go over and see if we can get a picture maybe I could've let down my expectations a bit about having to get the picture there as I think back why do I want a picture of a grave with a gaslit flame like that doesn't why would I want that I don't know it seems so important at the time and now I'm like I don't need that picture by the way I didn't get that picture so it doesn't matter It obviously wasn't something I needed to cause a big deal about and my kids told me that I took them back the next day anyhow so I don't remember that maybe we got a picture the next day I don't have it anywhere that I Yum that I know of so it might be on some device somewhere if we actually did get it but I'm not convinced we did so it was my expectations turns out And I could've handled this in so many better ways any way along this Arlington trip I could have changed it I was the adults I was responsible for that they were very good kids they were not disobedient kids they weren't doing anything wrong they simply didn't want their picture taken I could've respected that in the moment I could've said hey can you come over here a moment this is really special to me and I really like it I know you don't want it but would you be willing this one time right I could have him Said hey let's make sure we have adequate water before we go let's get some cooling towels let's have a nice breakfast instead of junk food let's stop here in the entrance area and stay in some air conditioning Let's take the walk up the hill slower let's not go today let's go on a day that's not 80° Let's go to time where there aren't a lot of tourists let's sit here and wait for people to leave right at any point along this way I could have regulated myself I could've better been there for my kids to help them to be more comfortable in this uncomfortable heat My expectations and my window of tolerance as to what I could take I couldn't take more physically and that's what led to this I needed to cool down I needed to hydrate I need to slow down I need to breathe and I need it to handle it better Being able to honor each other for having our own needs and our own windows of tolerance and they didn't want the picture taken they didn't need to have it taken that they are allowed to have their viewpoints to know in all relationships we can compromise we can ask and negotiate hey guys if it's really not that big a deal to you it would really mean a lot to me Or if they said you know what I know it would mean a lot to you but right now I'm really not wanting my picture taken I don't feel very good about myself because I've been sweating and I'm exhausted I'd appreciate if we didn't and then we decide you know which need is more like pressing I could give up the photo for them right or they could say all let's just smile for mom What happen though wasn't their best move wasn't my best move and so we both had to adjust after we had discussed this and figured it out but you have to recognize your window of tolerance and that starts with your physical body if it's too much if you're not getting enough rest if you're not having good enough nutrition if you're not having enough comfortable temperature or clothes that aren't itchy Right sometimes we expect kids like on holidays to be dressed up and then we wonder why they're miserable because they're in these itchy clothes that are not comfortable right and there's this anticipation anticipation of gifts and all day you're like waiting for people to come and gifts to happen and you're wearing these itchy clothes no wonder kids have meltdowns they're outside of their window of tolerance Hey That's what we need to attend to for a selves and for those we care about that we are all human we all have needs to eat well sleep well be hydrated have space have time be able to go to the restroom or take a shower without continual stress that's why new moms have a rough time you know with moms of young kids they have a rough time because they can't even get a shower by themselves Let's But I didn't unfortunately we have a bitter sweet family memory I think the kids think it's hilarious that mom lost her cool mom still cringes at it because I wish I hadn't now again they've just smiled sure where they kids yeah And I hope that if you find yourself frazzled or at the end of your rope or too much too high of expectations that can't possibly be met with the reality around you they will reconsider stepping back and building in some margin for yourself it makes all the difference
Have you ever gotten caught up in what needs to be improved, what needs to be better, or what needs to change in your life and forget to have FUN?
While you're striving through the hard, challenging, or mundane times, having fun living and enjoying life is equally important. Fun is a gift from God and the resources He provides to have fun are a gift from Him too!
Fun may feel like, "Wow! This is what we're working for, to be able to have these times of fun!" It may sound like Mary Poppins saying that in everything that must be done, there is an element of fun, but there should be an element of fun in many things. If you don't have joy, fun, play, and excitement in your life, I encourage you to cultivate it!
How I Cultivate Fun-Going for the Lava Lamp Plushy
One evening after a faith event at a Pittsburgh Pirates game, my husband, daughter, and I went to a restaurant. On the way out, we noticed this claw machine and it seemed to be calling to us. Both my daughter and husband used their own spending or fun money to take a turn, but I didn't have my own dollar. We noticed a credit card slot, so I used me debit card instead, but had to play $5 because that was the minimum amount. So, I took three turns and my husband and my daughter each had another turn. My daughter saw a lava lamp plushy she thought was really cute and wanted to get it for her sister, so she tried and it slipped through those rounded edges of the claw that don't seem to grasp tightly no matter how well you line it up.
So, I swiped another $5, and again I took three turns because it was out of my fun money and then the other two took their turns because I wanted to share the joy of this experience. My mother's heart thought about how my daughter thought of her sister and how we could eventually get that lava lamp plushy and with each turn, we were moving it closer. I also noticed a little plastic ring with the tag that we could catch, and I was betting we could get that lava lamp. We were enjoying the experience as we cheered each other on and our adrenaline was going. We were having FUN! Nothing was more fun than the absurdity of mom swiping her debit card over and over to get that lava lamp. I couldn't believe I was doing this as I am such a frugal person and we were up to $25 on this stuffed plushy toy which I could've probably bought for $5 at the store. However, it was worth it as I wasn't paying for the lava lamp; I was paying for the moment...the moment of enjoyment with my daughter and my husband. They also continued to add their loose dollars too! This enjoyment was worth the investment!
Finally, we were able to hook that little plastic ring as I suspected, and it was hanging there about to drop into the slot, but it didn't drop! Apparently, we did so well that the tag was stuck on the screw of the claw. We tried reaching in and grabbing it off of the hook, but we couldn't reach it because of the way the door slanted. At this point, I am determined to get that plushy for my daughter, who is 22 by the way, so I asked the waitress, but she didn't have access to it and wished she could help. I wasn't about to go home without a fight, and I thought for sure we were going to get that lava lamp. As it was stuck and dangling, just out of reach, I knew that what wasn't out of reach was this beautiful time of 20- 40 minutes (not exactly sure how long as I lost track of the time) with my family. This intentional fun with my family was what I paid for. It wasn't about the lava lamp alone.
Although I can report that my daughter did actually get the lava lamp. She discovered a way she could bank it off of the plastic rim that cordons off the shoot from the stuffed animals and maybe loosen it from the screw. We thought it was a great idea, but it wasn't working. I even got a picture of it! At this point, we felt like we should accept defeat as we were already $37 in on a silly stuffed plush lava lamp! Unexpectedly, I went ahead and swiped that card one more time, and we were all laughing at me doing something so out of character; however, we felt this was a wise investment for the fun we were having! At this point, it was for the purpose of seeing the wrongs, righted and a mission to take this lava lamp home for my daughter. So, she banked it off of the corner this time and it came through the shoot! I don't think there was ever a happier moment in that restaurant in all of its history. At that point, not only were we invested in that moment, but the waitress was there and the people who stood waiting in line were invested, and there was even a person or two who were hoping we would fail, so they could take a turn at it!
We paid $43 for a silly stuffed plushy, but it really wasn't silly at all; it was a lava lamp for my daughter; it was embracing of the moment; it was a memory that we invested in; and that's why I did it! Because of this experience, we know the fun of setting goals together and going for them! We're also not going to forget it! We will remember having this great time together and look back fondly on this memory and the videos taken. We will also remember how connected we felt towards a common goal with joy.
If you want to see how we finally got that lava lamp plushy, hop over to our Instagram and Facebook social media pages for FUN!
Cultivate Fun, Joy, and Be in the Present Moment! Thrive, Enjoy, Embrace!
Life is more than monetary costs, and there is also a cost to not having fun and enjoying it! Sometimes, we just need to do some things to lighten it up as life can have some tense moments, but we can cultivate good moments that may happen naturally or we can intentionally add them into our day. God is a giver of abundance so if you don't have some extra spending money, save up for it with intention or do something else fun that doesn't need money. There are always going to be "buts," and excuses, but what if we just embrace it!
My challenge is to see what can you embrace today! Is it buying a special candy that reminds you of your youth or listening to an old song you love while singing it at the top of your lungs with the windows down. No matter what's going on, stop at the claw machine and get your lava lamp plushy, get that extra dessert to share with someone, or enjoy doing something extra for just you even if it's against your typical self and cultivate joy!
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