What is that one thing on your heart you want to get started? What is that one thing that is hanging out there which is nagging at you? If you could only gain traction on this one thing, it would really be a blessing and give you the momentum to move forward. Identify what it is! Although it may not fulfill you immediately, it will feel good to get started on it.
Game Plan-Reverse Engineer It!
So, what is that goal you want to work towards? After you identify it, you will want to reverse engineer it, so you know how to get there. Reverse engineering is something I had no clue about until I married my husband who is guess what? An engineer! He thinks in a totally different way than I think. While I think in vision and possibilities, he thinks in specifics and in very intentionally, practical ways to get somewhere.
For example, if you need to get somewhere at a certain time, you figure out how long it's going to take you to get there and subtract that from the time, you figure out how long it will take you get ready and subtract that from the time, and you figure out how long it will take you to get things together and subtract that from the time. You should also give yourself a buffer of probably 15 minutes, and then you will most likely get there on time. Since I learned that concept, it's so much easier! Once you know the tools, the skills, and have a game plan, you can apply it anytime you need!
This is where coaching can support you! Coaching can help you apply a game plan, a blueprint, or a roadmap which can help you to know how to get to that goal. But before you can do that, you have to know your goal!
How To Work Towards Your Goal
So, what's that one thing that keeps hanging around which you wish you could make some progress on that would really change or improve your life and possibly stop you from feeling so guilty because it's not getting done?
- Identify it!
- Write it out very specifically.
- Reverse engineer it to the most basic and simplest components of how to go backwards to that beginning step of where you are now.
- Take the first step.
- Keep taking the next step until you reach your goal.
For example, let's say your goal Is to lose 5 pounds and it's really important to you because you have a special event and you want to lose it before a certain date, so you can wear this dress you bought that's now too tight and won't zip.
- Identify it: I will want to lose 5 lbs!
- Write it: I want to lose 5 lbs. by [date]
- Reverse engineer it: Estimate a pound a week or a pound and a half a week depending on the timeframe of this event with some buffer time of a few days.
- Take the first step: Get a weight loss calculator to know how many calories take in to ensure it helps with the loss of a pound/week. Instead of counting calories, it might be creating an exercise plan and going on that first walk.
- Keep taking the next Step until you reach your goal: You keep taking the next doable step. It's actually not about whether or not you can succeed at losing the 5 pounds as much as it is about taking the next action step which moves you towards your goal.
It's very possible that by taking the actions in five weeks' time, you actually lose 10 pounds because you did 2 pounds a week. Well, that's even better but it still starts with one action step. You break it down and decide what you're going to do that's going to continue on a regular basis. I hate to make this example around a weight loss goal as I know there can often be other things tied into that, so this example is for simplicity because most of us are aware of a goal in that area.
A personal goal for me was obtaining my Masters' degree in Counseling. In order to get there, I had to take one course towards my degree at a time because I was also a stay-at-home mom raising 3 young kids. I could not have taken a full course load and also been fulfill my role as a mom. Eventually, I obtained my degree by reverse engineering. It may have taken 4 years instead of 2 at the rate for which I could complete the courses, but the final result was the degree...the goal was met!
Why Don't You Succeed in Meeting the Goal and How Can a Coach Help?
The reason we don't often succeed in meeting our goal is because there are other factors such as, motivation, energy, what's going on in our life, and other stressors, so it's important to be realistic about what you can do.
To go back to our weight loss example, the next question in coaching this particular situation is what could get in the way of you being able to walk on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 8 am? If it's because they don't wake up until 10 am, maybe they start getting up earlier or shift to a more realistic time to walk possibly on a lunch hour.
A coach can help you with clarifying your goal and steps around it by taking the guilt away because they are acting as an objective observer who can ask the right questions to help you implement an actionable plan you can easily follow to move forward towards your goal. This way, there's no shame or guilt; there's just action because you know you're doing something about it.
This is about taking control of your circumstances, so they don't take control over you and overwhelm you leaving you stuck. Overtime, showing up, taking action, and doing one step you can do can lead to great results.
I want you to consider that thing that you've been meaning to do that you haven't taken action on, write it down as a specific goal, and write the action step you will do on a certain day and do that step!
Goal: I want to achieve this...by..
Action Step(s): I will work towards that thing I can do by...
A specific goal + definable, doable action steps = results in moving forward
Take your power back by taking action! The next right step done continually leads to great progress, and then you'll look back at all that you accomplished! And remember, your value doesn't come from what you do; your value comes from who you are as a daughter of the King of kings, the Lord of lords and He has a lot of cool stuff for you to do as He created you! So, take action, get started start where you are, do what you can, and don't let guilt creep in and your feelings lie to you. Break it down simply to the next right step you can do, and then, rinse and repeat!
If you've ever felt like you're doing the same old thing over and over, falling back into the same patterns, not moving forward and that you'll never be able to get the life you really want to live or that this mental health journey is too hard, I want to share something that came up in one of my recent sessions.
The Cookie Analogy
This analogy came to me of a cookie placed on the kitchen table, and the child says to the parent, "I wanna cookie," and the parent says, "OK, I've given you a cookie." The child then says, "I want a cookie, how come I can't have a cookie, why aren't you listening to me, why aren't you giving me what I want?" The parent already gave the child the cookie as it's on the table, but the child has to simply go over, pick it up, and then eat the cookie. It's already been provided, but the child needs to act on it. The child may not see that it's easily accessible that it is already there. That's how we are when we think why isn't God just cleaning up this mess, why am I still stuck having this same old feeling like I'm never going to get it right, never get out this, and will never be done with this journey.
What is the Truth?
Often times, it's because you aren't picking up the cookie, and sometimes the cookies come in the form of scriptural truth like reading your Bible and time with the Lord and the direction of the Holy Spirit, so pray, reflect, and seek good counsel and teaching.
Sometimes it comes from taking an action (like reaching out for the cookie) when we stop listening to the feelings and instead, look at the facts. The fact is God is who He says He is! If you are a Christian, you believe God is God. He is the source of everything and all truth:
- He didn't lie when He said He would never leave you or forsake you.
- He didn't lie when He said I have come to give you life and with it, abundance.
- He didn't lie when He said that you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. Jesus is the prince of peace; Jesus is the savior.
Every good and perfect gift comes from God, and these truths don't change whether you feel they are true or not. Whether you feel it or not, you get to choose to take action, to believe it, to reach out to it, and to grab it, and to find ways to make it yours just like the child grabbing the cookie off the table. The cookie is already allowed, and it's already freely provided, but we have to do something with it.
The Parable of the Talents
In the Bible, there's a parable of three men who were given money. One didn't do anything and hid it for safekeeping, another got a small return for it, and the last man really invested and received a big return for it. God gives these men a choice as to what to do with what they've been given.
How Can We Accept God's Gifts?
Just like us, we can watch what God has given us grow into something healthy or we can bury it and not let it grow into what it could be. Sometimes the lie is that we think we're stuck when we're not stuck; we think we will never get out of it, but we're already free. God has already given us the power to do all things through Christ who gives us strength. We can reach out and take our power back! We mustn't let the enemy steal it by listening to the lies making us think feelings are facts.
You can seek out the skills, tools, and help you need to take the next step and take good care of yourself. You can identify negative or limiting beliefs and place them up against God's truth and His word. You have power in Christ Jesus and his gifts are right there on the table just like the cookie!
You get to accept His gifts and choose how you accept them just like that child could go over and get that cookie from the table! The child could go get that cookie while doing a cartwheel, he could eat that cookie while standing on his head, he could ask his sister to go bring him a cookie, he could slide a piece of paper under it and slide it over to himself.
So, if you feel like nothing's changing, that's a lie because you can change right now by telling yourself the truth! You can say to yourself, "oh that's just a negative mindset," "oh, that's just a lie," and although you may not feel it right away, the truth is the truth!
Most importantly, don't believe the lie when Satan tells you that you are stuck or moving backward. Believe the truth, take back your power, and take the next right step. When we take steps in a positive direction, just one at a time, we are still doing something to move forward. Just keep taking the next step and sometimes the next step is a good nap, a good vacation, or telling somebody your deepest, darkest secret as long as they're a safe person. Maybe you don't tell it all at once; maybe just say it a little bit at a time to see if they're safe with your confidence.
You can steward this process as God gives good gifts to his children, so take your next step not based on feeling, but based on who God is and who you are in Him.
