If you are somebody in a romantic relationship, looking for a partner in marriage, or somebody who is trying to instruct their son or daughter on what to look for and how to consider some things in getting together with somebody in that type of relationship, I am going to give you my personal and therapist kind of thoughts.
Where's My Experience Come from?
My personal thoughts come from believing in Jesus as you know, mental health for Christian women. So that is absolutely a part of informing what I'm about to say. I've also been married for nearly 28 years, so that's another part where I'm still married to the same first person I ever married and we have a very good relationship and it just keeps getting better. And I'm not just saying that. We've put in a lot of hard work and we have been blessed to have the fruit of that hard work pay off and we're really complementary and love each other and aligned in a lot of ways. And also as a therapist and marriage coach and marriage mentor who has sat on the other side of the room watching couples, listening to couples, hearing what people are saying, hearing what single women have said as they think about getting back into the dating scene. So I'm coming at it from multiple perspectives.
I'm also coming at it as somebody who didn't always know how to think about all of this stuff. I'm covering this as we had a mid-month listener meetup in July and it was something where one of the people who showed up was coming out of a divorce and asking: Is there something that she needs to be aware of or work on to make sure that it's not something she's doing to pick somebody who isn't going to be trustworthy or a good partner and doesn't want to replicate that again in a third relationship that leads to marriage?
The 10 Questions to Ask Yourself
Today I'm going to give my take on ten questions to ask yourself before getting into a dating relationship or if you're in a dating relationship before agreeing to marriage or going into marriage.
- For a person who considers themselves a Christian and by Christian I do not mean a person who acts one way, says they're a Christian and lives a different way. By Christian, I am defining it as someone who believes Jesus is the way, the one way to God, the truth and the life and lives their life in submission to God's will. God's way scripture the Holy Spirit's direction how God is leading and what God's truths are and conducts themselves in love and holiness and wise choices and seeking the Lord's direction in prayer and just this connection with God in relationship through scripture community, working on themselves, loving others, helping people, encouraging love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, self-control, gentleness, goodness. These things that exemplify the fruits of the Spirit that we let the Lord lead our lives and we submit our lives to his direction and living it the way he would have to. Turning from the things that seem only right in our own eyes, only that we want to do the selfish human nature parts, committing sins and working against people. Those are not the things I'm talking about. I'm talking about having a real relationship with Jesus. Being the way to God and being able to say that and believe that and live that way doesn't mean being perfect, doesn't mean never having faults, doesn't mean never sinning. Means that the heart is right to say, Lord, I want what you want. Even if I'm struggling, I want to walk in your ways. Please help me correct this. Or what do you think about this? Or this is what I am feeling that I'm going to do, please intervene if this isn't actually right or I'm missing something or just having that connection to God to say hey, here's where I am, but you are the one I want to serve. And so that is what I mean when I say a person who is saved, a Christian believer, somebody who can honestly both say and live and believe that Jesus is Lord and that they have chosen to make him Lord of their lives and the way they live their lives. And so the first thing if that's you, then the first question to ask yourself is for anybody you're considering dating, and certainly for anybody you're considering marrying, is this person saved? So everything I just said is this person not just somebody who says, oh, there's probably a God, I'll go to church with you. I mean, that's great, but that's a friend, that's not a partner. Okay? If you are somebody who has made Jesus Lord of your life and you are with somebody who cannot say jesus is the Lord of my life, the one way and that actually lives that way, that is an automatic no. And I will hear people justify that and say, yeah, well, but and I can understand these different perspectives as far as well, this is true and this is true and it could be true. And maybe and as I've thought about it more and really had God just clarify it even more, to me, there really is no other bottom line, there cannot be a true unity in marriage, a true foundation that is united as one if your spirit is one with God. And the person you're married to is married to the world, so to speak, and not aligned with God because you're both coming from very true foundational discrepancies, right? You're coming from life and freedom and salvation. They are coming from sin, law, humanness, and no matter how quote unquote good they seem, you cannot join someone whose spirit has been redeemed by God and someone who is still on a pathway and a journey to hell. And that may sound very harsh and that may I would definitely be canceled in mainstream culture. And this isn't to condemn anybody. Like I'm not trying to put anybody down, I'm just speaking the truth in love that as a Christian, if you are seeking to date somebody, that may lead to marriage or even dating, because what's the purpose of dating if it's not going to lead to commitment and marriage? It would be friendship, right? I can go out with people and enjoy their company and not align my life with theirs. But if you're going to align your life with somebody in every way, physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, spiritually, family wise, you can't overlook how important being connected and in agreement on the spiritual is. So that is what I'm saying. So the first question to ask yourself before getting into a dating or marriage relationship, preferably before dating, is, is this person saved? And that means not just by words, not just by beliefs, but by actions and the way that the fruit is shown true Christianity, not hypocrisy.
- Is this someone you would be happy to have by your side raising your child? So if they are somebody, let's say that you're already past having children. You don't want children. That's okay. This is more of an exercise in if you had a child, somebody that you loved so deeply and would do anything for and cared about protecting them, is this person someone you would trust to take care of them? To keep them safe, to not harm them, to not do things that are going to emotionally impact them. And they're going to have to undo it for the rest of their life. Is this person somebody that I would trust if I were raising a child? That doesn't mean you'd have to do everything the same, right? My husband used to jostle the babies playfully a lot more, like, you know, toss them gently into the air, and they loved it. And I'm like, oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness, I'm not going to do that. I might drop them. Right. But he was safe. He never dropped them. He was just loving them like a dad, and I was loving them like a mom, and they were both okay. They weren't hurting the kids in any way. It was just we chose different things, okay. And we could support that, right. I didn't have to throw them in the air. He didn't throw them high or anything. He just like and they had fun. And there are going to be differences like that, right? We're talking about are they going to be harmed? Are they going to be harmed? Or are they somebody that even if you find out that he fed them ice cream and let them watch TV while you were out, is he a safe person? Would he have cared about them if they weren't feeling well? Or would he say, oh, please don't eat that ice cream right now because your stomach might hurt? Would you trust his judgment? Another way to say that is would you trust your frail grandmother with him? So if somebody had to stay with your frail grandmother who was bedridden, would you trust him to attune to her and attend to her needs? Or would you feel like she wouldn't be safe? Like you wouldn't be sure, like, oh, my gosh, I better hurry and get back there so he doesn't drop her or doesn't say anything bad or doesn't hurt her in some way or isn't callous. So the most vulnerable people you can imagine loving would you trust this person and know that they have good for that person and that you can rest? If that's a no, that tells you something.
- Are you settling? Are you settling and settling often? Sounds like, well, this is great. I mean, yeah, there's this well, I mean, I think so, but well, I mean, I'd love this to change or if this happened, but nobody's perfect. It's kind of that minimizing of those things that if you're really honest with yourself and if it were like truth time, where all of your defenses, all of your desires to be with somebody, all of your hopes and dreams for what a romantic relationship looks like were to be able to step aside and you could just get real and honest with yourself in your heart and say, is this a settle for? And if there's any part of you that is like, actually, yeah, that is something to pay attention to.
- Do you feel safe in all areas with him? So is he somebody that you feel is mentally safe? So he respects your thoughts; he respects your right to think differently than him. He respects your feelings. He respects your needs, your perspective, your hopes, your desires. You know that you are physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, communication wise safe with him. That doesn't mean, again, that he's perfect or that you will always agree on every nuance of things, but it means that he is safe to be with, talk with, share with, hear, negotiate with, in a respectful, supportive, connected way. Now, some people don't know how to do that. That's a skill that can be learned. But it's more the heart condition, the mental condition, the spiritual condition. Are they willing to learn? Are they willing to put in what it takes to be able to do that and gain those skills? Or are they somebody that you really can't trust, you can't feel safe with? Like, if you really had to say, did they get me? Did they get me at my core? Or am I having to stay guarded in some way, or am I having to deny my feelings? Or am I having to pretend I don't have those thoughts or feelings to be able to have this relationship with them? Those are red flags if those things come up.
- Are you better together than alone? Does he make you a better version of yourself? And I'm not saying he can make you be a better version of yourself, but when you're with him, does he contribute things that you're like that helps me to rise to a different level in myself. He's like refining you, like iron sharpens iron. And you can do that for him again. Neither one of you are going to be perfect. You're going to be unique individuals, but iron sharpens iron. We are both together, and we make each other stronger because of being together. We make each other more powerful, more impactful. We encourage each other. We're better together than we are alone.
- Do the people you trust in your life think this is a good match? Do they think this is a good idea, or do they have concerns? Now, you can decide whether you agree or disagree, that those are valid concerns. You have a right to think for yourself. But if there are people that you have in your trusted circle, for some reason they've been there. You go to them. You care about what they think. You think that they have your best interest at heart. They know where you are and the ways of the Lord and where you struggle and what you're dealing with. And these are solid people that you have in your corner. Again, not that they're not human, not that they're perfect, but that you can trust them. And if these people don't think this is a good idea or are bringing concerns to your attention, are you paying attention? Sometimes we try to close that out. Oh, yeah, they're just jealous. Oh, well they don't understand. Oh, well, they don't know if you're basically saying, yeah, but that's another area of a red flag. Because the people who you really can trust, the people who are safe, the people who are healthy and have a history of that in your life, most likely, if you know that they are somebody who cares about you, they are not taking it lightly to tell you their concerns. So it's worth giving a listen to and at least considering for yourself.
- Can he admit when he is wrong? And along with that, is he willing to course correct when he goes off path, whether accidentally or he realizes, oh my gosh, that was a bad idea or whatever, is he willing to course correct not to deflect, but to take ownership and go, oh gosh, I did mess up there. Let's do it this way instead, or I'm going to work on this, or here's what I'm doing to improve here, right? Is he willing to repent? Is he willing to ask for forgiveness of some willful sin? Is he willing to change his ways when he accidentally did something and he's like, there's got to be a way that I can continue to be aware of this so that I can continue to grow. So is he able to admit when he is wrong and to correct his course without blame, guilt, deflection?
- What is his history? Are they somebody who has learned from past failures and corrected them and done things God's way? What is his history? And I, again, don't mean he's had to be perfect or not have a history, but when you look at his history and the patterns in his life, if he has abused his previous girlfriend physically and you're like, oh, but he's never laid a hand on me. But he's never gone to anger management. He's never been able to tell you the work he's put in on it. He's never been able but you know what, I don't handle it that way anymore. I have other skills. Then there's a difference between, okay, in the past when I was struggling, I took this out on my girlfriend, and I deeply regret it, and I've repented and I've made amends with her. I've gone to therapy. I've done the right things, and that is not me anymore, is a whole different story than, yeah, well, I'd never hit you. I just did that to her because she was a real witch. It's like, no, that's about your behavior, buddy. So we're not going to minimize, we're not going to blame anybody else. If there has not been a change from past destruction, past sins, then that is likely to replicate again. So you need to be aware of that. So we want some proof, some fruit, some evidence that something different has happened. He's taken personal accountability and repented and changed and implemented and worked and done the hard work that needs to be done to make a new future, not repeat the past.
- Are you heard when you talk to him? Does he hear you or does he try to control you? Does he hear you and validate your words and try to understand and try to meet your needs? Doesn't mean he'll be able to meet every need, doesn't mean he'll be able to fix everything. But is his heart in a posture where you are valid, your thoughts are valid, your feelings are valid, your concerns are valid, your needs are valid, and you feel heard, you don't feel minimized, criticized, any of that blame, shame, or guilt we talked about earlier. You feel respected, heard, valid, and equal as a human being who has a right to expect to be treated well in a relationship.
- This is more of a body sensation. Do you feel relief when you see him? When he comes over after work and is like, hey, I'm here to pick you up for dinner and he shows up, do you feel relief or do you feel yourself kind of tightening up? Does your body run to him or run away from him? Do your arms swing open wide like, oh, I get to hug and kiss you? Or do you feel like you have to put up a protective barrier? Our bodies often know whether this person is safe or not, no matter what we try to tell them with our heads as to whether someone's safe or not. But to be able to know my body feels at peace with you or is my body on edge or tight or anxious?
Those are ten tips. They're certainly not all of the things that you could ask, but they're things to get you thinking. They're things that you can maybe pray about, consider, and look for.
Even as adults, maybe especially as adults, friendships can be tricky to navigate, and I think that's for multiple reasons. But the reason I'm talking about it today is because somebody wrote to me to explain how the friendship relationship or basically having relationships with people who are friends can be tricky and how when we've been hurt, it can lead us to not want to go deep with people. And also when we choose not to go deep with people, then we're also kind of giving up a part of sharing of something important to us which is more of ourselves. And so navigating this is what we're going to talk about today.
"I Really Don't Have Any Friends"
There was a time after I was married and had young kids where I realized I didn't have any friends anymore. I had plenty of friends in high school. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't unliked. I mean, some people may not have liked me, but in general I think I was pretty well liked. I had a number of people that were friends or acquaintances and then we grew apart. I went off to college 4 hours away, and they went to different schools. By the time we came back, we didn't have Facebook back then in the early 90s, so it was just like, okay, it's kind of weird to call you up after four years of not talking to you and just life had changed. And so I came back and I had like one friend left from high school and we were growing apart. So pretty much when I got married, I had a couple of people that were my roommates in college. I had a new friend I had met from church and then I had a cousin who was in our wedding as my side of the bridal party. And from there, it just kind of became my husband.
I woke up one day, so to speak, and realized I don't have any friends. I just didn't; it wasn't intentional. It just kind of happened. And I remember thinking at that point because that's when I was starting to really be into some anxiety and some insecurity and just I think all of the painful past learning from trauma had caught up to me at that point. And I didn't have the tools yet. As I've said before, I didn't know how to manage it. I didn't have the tools, I didn't know how to do this. And I was washing dishes one day and was kind of upset that I realized like, well, how did I have friends before and I don't now.
God Steps In
And God just basically told me, if there's someone like you who exists, there's got to be another one like you who exists. Like somebody who also wants to be kind and be a nice friend and not hurt you, is pretty much what I was thinking. Well, I mean, I can't be the only person who wants somebody to be a nice friend to me. There've got to be other people who want to be nice and play nice with their pals, and so maybe there's one. And the thought that I wasn't alone as far as female friendships was really encouraging to me. And also the fact that I didn't have to go befriend the world and have all of these people being in my inner circle. I just had to be open to realize that, of course, there's got to be at least one friend out there I just have yet to meet.
And so that began a process of God allowing me to take steps of faith and finding people that I thought could possibly, maybe not be scary and be safe, that I could go and have one coffee meet up and then go home and never do it again if it didn't work out. Almost like male/female dating relationships, like, I'm going to try you out. I don't know if I can trust you yet. This is scary. What do we do? Because especially if you have anxiety or you've been hurt before or you have anticipatory fear, it can be hard to put yourself out there if you're in that kind of state. And so I just encourage you to do it one at a time and to realize that there are other people out there who are kind and who don't want to hurt anybody. There are other people who've been hurt and wouldn't dream of doing that to somebody intentionally. And so I think it's really truthful and important for me to say that even though it feels like friends will betray you because of past experience or that you might be hurt in some way or that it feels awkward, there's a lot of truth to the fact that there are safe, healthy people out there. And the first step is you being a safe, healthy person.
When a Friend Betrays You
So the listener who wrote to me was saying that they're guarded in friendships because they've been hurt a lot, because they want someone who values friendship as much as they do. So she thought that this friend valued their friendship as much as she did and then found out through getting hurt that that didn't appear to be the case after all. And so she asked if I could talk about that.
And that has happened to me. My best friend in high school, early high school was and I say that because by the end of high school, she was not my best friend. My best friend was somebody who I have no idea what in the world happened there. We were practically inseparable for years. We really enjoyed each other's company.
And next thing I know, she started getting nasty. And I didn't know why she was getting nasty. And if she had told me that I had done something wrong or that she needed me to talk to her about something, I may not have had all the skills and tools to do it perfectly back then, but I think I would have been willing to have that conversation. But to my recollection, that never was brought up, and I never knew what I did. And I remember this one time she was making fun of me, and she was continuing to just razz me, and I was patient, and I stuffed it down, even though she was hurting my feelings, and I was really trying to kind of respond appropriately. And she kept pushing and pushing until finally, if you've listened to my previous volcano episode a couple of weeks ago, it was like I pushed it down. I pushed it down. I pushed the next insult down.
And she kept at it so much that finally I erupted, and the eruption wasn't yelling at her. That almost probably would have been better. But I said something that I knew would hurt her specifically because well, it wasn't that I knew it would hurt her. I don't want to say it that way because I don't think it was to intentionally hurt her. I knew it was an area of sensitivity to her, and it was the area that she was pushing on me. And so I retaliated by pushing back. And that was the end of our friendship.
And I would never have wanted to do that if I hadn't felt like she just wouldn't stop. That still doesn't excuse it. Absolutely doesn't excuse it. In fact, for years, that was one of my deepest regrets, what I said to her. And I knew it hurt her. She did tell me that that hurt her, but she had started this behavior where she was kind of being mean to me way before this as well. So that was kind of like my final straw. And I'm not proud of it, and I've repented of it, and I felt so horrible for it.
And now I've forgiven myself for it because I know God forgives me for it, and I know that it wasn't okay, and I wouldn't do it again, but I was a kid who was struggling and was hurting, and it was the way that I thought I can get her to stop.
But what that meant to me that someone I thought cared about me...why are you hurting me? Repeatedly. And I couldn't figure it out. And it was such confusion. And the only thing that I could come up with was, that's sad. I'm sad that that happened, but I'm not going to stick around for people treating me poorly. I'm sad in both directions. I'm sad for what happened from her, and I'm sad what I did, and I'm just sad the friendship is over.
Should the Friendship End?
And when you can recognize that there are times for friendships to be over, that it's okay to set boundaries and walk away from people who are not safe and healthy, but the people who are, they will be there for you. And if you find out, even after a long period of time that someone isn't, I'd like to ask you to look at their character. Is this out of character for them? Is this a one off thing? Are they under particular stress at the moment? Did they go through something really tough? Did something just bubble up to the surface? Even if you don't know if that's the case or not, could there be a reason that their behavior doesn't really have anything to do with you, but something they're going through? So that would be one of the things that I would have you assess. If this is somebody that you were close to and they just hurt you or let you down in some way before pulling away, assuming that they probably have pulled away, or if they haven't, that you've pulled away, which I don't know the dynamics of your specific situation, but if that happens, that you can move towards and try to get resolution, try to figure out how the two of you can work together to understand what happened.
And is it really what you interpreted it as? Sometimes our interpretation is left to our own devices. So if you have texted somebody and they don't return it right away, you can be left to your own imagination. And that imagination might be, oh, they hate me. But your imagination could also go to, oh, they're busy, they got that job. I'm so happy for them. Right? You don't really know why unless you actually talk to the person. So making assumptions that aren't helpful, like they don't like you or they don't want to be around you, or they're not as good a friend as you thought they were may not actually be the truth.
It maybe they hurt your feelings. It maybe they did something thoughtless or rude, but it doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to be your friend. Okay? So that's a time that if you've been friends and their track record is such that it's been good for a while and they've been good for a while, you can talk to them and say, hey, I don't know what went wrong here, but I'd like to at least try to address it so we don't lose our friendship. But I am feeling really hurt and kind of tender and not really sure I can trust, but I thought it was worth it for us to talk about it.
But if they've left or they have told you that it's over or they have done something that you really are not going to be able to risk again. And you need that safe boundary, that's okay too. But first make sure that you are not putting some meaning onto them and their behavior that they haven't had a chance to explain. But if they have left or they have grieved you in some way and they're not sorry or they're not willing to make amends, or they're not somebody who will correct the problem and have a discussion with you, then it's okay to feel sad. Release them to God and move on and find the people who will have your back, and it is a trust walk.
Expressing Intentions and Being Upfront
It is a trust walk because there are no guarantees about human behavior. There's only faith, and you putting forth a good effort. You being the person that you want a friend to be to you and trusting God that he will bring good gifts to you in good friendships and pray for that and also just being real with somebody, hey, this hurt me before, so if you think this is going towards a less surface-level relationship and really getting intimate, letting the person know, hey, I'm really enjoying us being friends and going to the movies or shopping together or whatever. And I'd actually like to be more intentional about being in each other's lives more regularly or getting our kids together more often so we can go have a coffee date while they play or something like that, but this is an area where I'm growing and I've been hurt before in friendships. And so I'm afraid to make friendships and really just let them know and ask how they show up in friendships. Are they likely to pull back and tell them what you're likely to do? If you really feel like this could be a solid, safe, good friendship that God has given you, then I think that that's okay to realize that God has good plans and good gifts for you.
And if it's to that level where you think that you're going to let down your guard with this person a little bit more, let down that boundary guardrail a little bit more because they seem trustworthy and they seem safe. If they're that trustworthy and safe, you have nothing to lose by actually having the discussion with them. Hey, I've been really hurt in relationships. If there's ever a point where you don't want to be friends anymore, would you please not just leave me or would you please not say nasty things to me? Not that you would, but that's what happened before. Like let them know how much you would appreciate if this friendship could continue if it works for both of you, but also that if it ever did need to come to an end, it would mean a lot towards being able to trust again. If you knew that it would be a kind parting of ways that was just mutually beneficial. And depending on how that person answers that topic that you bring up tells so much about whether they will be that good kind of person for you or not. See, in a healthy relationship, a friend who has the qualities and the ability to be a good friend will be able to say, wow, thanks for sharing that with me; I've been hurting some relationships too. Yeah. I'd like to be a good friend to you. And if that's what you need for us to be able to become friends yeah, I promise I'd never do that to you.
How Do You Fight?
I did this once with my husband because I had been hurt in previous dating relationships. And so here we are, and we're starting to date, and I just flat out asked him because I didn't want to go through the pain again. We were just out one time driving somewhere for our date, and I said, this may be a weird question, but how do you fight? And I was like, do you hold grudges? Do you get silent? Do you walk away? Or do you want to resolve it right away? I don't know if those are the exact answers.
I gave him options, but he said, oh, I like to resolve it right away. I was like, I do too. And he has been true to his word for the last 29 years. Okay. Doesn't mean we don't fight. Doesn't mean that we don't have to both get a hold of ourselves and tempers and make sure that we're intentional with our word choices or repent and apologize if we do something that hurts the other. But it's not an intentional hurt the other. It's a maybe we've been hurt and we need to make allowances for each other to understand each other and where we're coming from better, but that we are committed to always work it out.
It's a leap of faith when you've been hurt to be able to trust that somebody else isn't going to do that to you. But the truth is, the only person you can control is you. And how you show up and how you take steps of faith and how you trust God to bring you good people and how you assess people and let them prove who they are to you. My guess is that whoever this person is that hurts you so much that you now feel you have to be surface with other friends and feel like you're betraying yourself from being fully known that whoever they were, whatever happened in your circumstances, that that was painful because you had a set of expectations, and they didn't live up to it. But if they didn't value you or your friendship, that is on them. If you're making assumptions as to what they should be doing, then that's something that you can even now talk to them about, hey, this is what that felt like. This is what I was thinking. Is that accurate? But if you don't even feel safe to do that, that's okay, they weren't for you.
How Do They Treat Others?
We're not going to mesh with everybody but these new friends that you're keeping at surface level. If you want to go deeper, pick one. Pick one that seems safest, that seems to treat people the nicest, that seems to be loyal and cultivate that friendship. And then see who their healthy friends are and then maybe they can become your friends too. Look for patterns of who people hang out with. Healthy people hang out with healthy people because healthy people are probably aware when people are toxic or not. And so if you can find somebody who treats other people in ways that appear healthy to you and you feel safe around them, I'll bet they're a person that you can take it one step further to try to be a little bit of vulnerable, a little bit more vulnerable with test them out, see if they can be trusted or not. If not, you're not missing out. You're just, okay, not them. And if they are, you gain a valuable, valuable gift. Doesn't mean they won't ever hurt you or let you down. It means that if and when the hurts come, they will be there to work through it with you and you with them. That's part of being a good friend and being treated with a good friend with good friendship. Okay, so I want you to realize that you can set boundaries and choose how deep to go with somebody. But you don't have to go deep with everybody. You can take it one person at a time and feel your way through it.
Holding on to God, asking for him to bring the right people, and then taking the next step. And notice how your body feels too. That's another tip. Notice how your body feels because your body may feel tense around somebody, or it may feel relaxed around somebody. I mean, if it's feeling relaxed, then maybe allow a little bit of your boundary to go down. See if you can trust a little bit of vulnerability. Not everything. Don't just say, oh, hey, you're my best friend here, come into my house and take everything. They haven't earned that yet, but one step at a time.
The good friendships are of God. Don't let what the enemy's tried to steal keep you from the good things of God. The enemy is a liar and a thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And he's trying to steal your confidence and your peace and your trust. Don't let him just choose people who are worthy of it. And I'm sorry that your friend wasn't.
Everybody go take on the day. God bless.
