Understanding the 8 stages of psychosocial development and whether you have successfully mastered them can help you better understand where you may need to focus when it comes to asking for support or seeking therapy if they haven't been achieved. I personally believe that if you haven't successfully navigated or mastered any stages prior to the one you are in now, I don't think it is set in stone. You can seek out help to progress in areas that have not been mastered once you know what's "under the hood."
Psychologist Eric Erickson, a pioneer in the field of psychosocial development, suggested there are a series of tasks that should be mastered within certain age categories, which make up these stages.
The 8 Developmental Stages
Stage 1: Trust Vs. Mistrust
Birth to 18 months -
A time when everything is new! Babies look for someone to respond to them with care and with predictability, thus providing a secure attachment. This provides a solid base from which to explore the world. If things get scary, they can go back to the caregiver for support and protection, and when this is adequately met, they learn to trust. If the care they get from their primary caregiver is not reliable or dependable, then this trust will be broken and it can cause emotional problems, such as a mistrust of others, loss of feeling able to control their circumstances, and a feeling of danger as they venture into the world.
Stage 2: Independence & Control
1 1/2 years to 3 years - This is when children gain some independence and learn they have control over their body and actions. At this stage, they also can not totally control everything which is why at this age, they may slap others or reach “to play” with things they shouldn’t. If care givers provide a safe way to interact and allow them to make some decisions on their own by trying different activities like putting on clothes or playing with new toys, even roughhousing with dad for example, this is still safe. These examples can build confidence. Potty training is a crucial step during this stage because it’s a step towards independence as no one wants to be dependent on somebody for their personal habits. Taking care of their personal needs at this stage if it follows a typical pattern, not discounting that there can sometimes be illness or genetic defects, builds confidence in themselves and their actions. If this environment is not provided, they may feel shameful, insecure, or have doubt. Therefore, caregivers who promote a safe environment where a child can make decisions and have control over their own bodies allows the child to master a sense of independence.
Stage 3: Initiative Vs. Guilt
3 years to 5 years - This is when kids learn interactions with others like friends at school and how to make friends. They also learn how to behave if they want people to like them. At these ages, they are basically exploring how to get along with others in the world. If caregivers let them know it's OK to ask questions and direct them in an encouraging way to not do certain unacceptable behaviors, this can teach initiative. Mainly, as caregivers, they want to teach that it is OK to not only ask questions, but to also try new things and speak up for themselves. Making new friends and gaining interpersonal skills helps them feel secure and capable of handling things. If they don’t practice these steps, they may suffer from doubt in their ability to interact with others and may possibly feel guilt as if they are a bother or are not enough. Overall, it's important to interact with others through play and engage socially by using their words in order to develop a sense of taking initiative throughout their lives.
Stage 4: Industry Vs. Inferiority
5 years to 12 years - At this time, children are learning how to master new subject matter. They also learn to adapt to society roles as they continue to interact with others and learn about others’ expectations and how to navigate them. Examples may include how to study for good grades or how to practice if they want to make a sports team. During this time, they are learning the things expected which are also good for them in order to rise to the occasion. When these behaviors are encouraged and implemented, there is a sense of being able or industrious. If not, they may feel inferior or not good enough which can be a very unpleasant feeling.
Stage 5: Identity Vs. Role Confusion
13 years to 21 years - This stage is when they start to find their own sense of self. In combination with what parents have invested, they begin to explore their own beliefs and come up with their own desires, goals, and values. It's actually healthy and good for them to be able to disagree with their parents in a respectful way although safety and sinful behavior must be considered as well as a major inconvenience to another person. Within this framework, it’s good for patents to say yes as much as possible. It has actually served us well as parents to our now adult children as none of our kids rebelled. They're each unique and different, but they love God and are fully capable in the areas in which God's called them. If had said that they couldn’t do that, couldn’t go there, or couldn’t try new things, they might've experienced a confused sense of self. Role confusion and frustration occurs when a teen thinks I'm allowed to be a person and my body, capabilities, and intellect are growing as well as my understanding of myself, but I can't go and do things I want to do. This can be frustrating which is why my husband and I often said yes to our kids while keeping God at the center. It’s helpful at this stage to mesh our past childlike behaviors with the person the teen is meant to become in accordance with their sense of ethics and beliefs as well as and how they want to view themselves in the world. For a Christian, this identity comes from Christ, and although others in the world may not align with this belief, causing confusion, the hope is that with confidence and self-esteem gained from prior stages, they are able to do this stage successfully.
Stage 6: Intimacy Vs. Isolation
21 years to 39 years - This stage typically occurs in young adulthood when they are trying to figure out how to connect with others as this is the timeframe where they are planning to get married or be in a relationship, and when this doesn’t happen, they may feel a sense of isolation. However, not forming these types of relationships isn’t a sign of failure as there are people who are fully healthy and developmentally sound who are called to be single or who choose to be single. On the other hand, if somebody is choosing to find a mate and they have success, this can lead to a healthy long-term relationship. It can be a choice to cultivate that intimacy versus being isolated. To reference my former blog again, “Your Attachment Style, and It’s Effect on Your Relationship,” attachment styles can also lead to isolation even in a marriage because it doesn't mean that they have intimacy. Isolation may also occur when they’re not able to truly connect due to circumstances or who they are with; however, this isn't about judgment or about a preferred ideal, but rather more about the intimacy that can be cultivated. Whether the intimacy is within marriage or not, if there’s not an ability to have a connection and a long-term satisfying relationship, a sense of isolation can result.
Stage 7: Generativity Vs. Stagnation
40 years to 65 years - During this time, they begin to consider the legacy they want to leave behind. If they have a sense of failure because things haven't worked out, they might struggle; however, if there is a feeling of accomplishment as they’ve met their goals, they may feel much satisfaction. Either way, they may choose to work towards producing a legacy to be remembered by or to make a difference in the world.
Stage 8: Integrity Vs. Despair
65 years old and beyond - I don’t believe this is completely accurate as it sounds like it's a passive thing as if life is over and at this point, we simply assess life and see it as either despair or something for which we are proud. As we know, people can start new careers and can still have wonderful meaningful lives during this phase of life. To think we just shrivel up and die is just not accurate as people can live to be 100! It’s more important to make the most of the remaining time and be proud of how they spent the previous years as well as the current time. It’s a time to reflect on whether they have integrity or a sense of despair. If they feel like our time is approaching, they may reflect and think they haven’t accomplished much and this is where they might feel despair.
But here’s the thing…no matter what developmental challenges, no matter what stages have or haven't been “successfully mastered” or attained, it doesn't change the fact that as long as we’re breathing, we can make a change, we can make a difference, God can still use us, and God has a good calling for each of us!
So if you have accomplished these stages, great, and if you haven't yet, that's OK! Start today and learn how to heal, get the skills, and surround yourself with supportive, healthy people! It's never too late to start, new wonderful habits and take steps toward the life that you desire and the abundant life Christ has for you. Just start where you are and make a realistic assessment and then get the people around you, the information and tools you need, and go for it!
Understanding your attachment style can help you to understand and improve your current relationships. Your interactions with others today stem from the attachment style you learned in infancy by way of your primary caregivers.
Attachment styles are those things that start in infancy but affect us for the rest of our lives, yet those attachment styles that are less than helpful can be changed; it's not a death sentence.
It's something that can evolve and change in healthy relationships or with healthy therapy and healthy experiences over time.
To give you an overview of the attachment styles so that you can see what may be contributing to certain things in your own relationships with other people, from romantic relationships to your parenting style with your own kids, or even your friendships, or work attachments, this whole attachment style base that we kind of develop before we even have an awareness of what's developing is again a nervous system organization type thing. So, if it's not a secure attachment, there are stressors to the nervous system that lead us to go into a fight or flight or shut down mode. You can see the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn of the nervous system's survival strategy in the attachment styles.
The 4 Attachment Styles
- Secure Attachment: is when a person can trust pretty easily. They are able to go out into their environment and explore it because they can come back to a secure base in a parent or attuned caregiver. They can regulate their emotions or go to that safe person to have their emotions regulated so that it is manageable. A secure parent is safe and compassionate while also being able to manage their own emotions separately from the child's.
- Avoidant-Dismissive: is when a person learned that he/she has to be self-reliant, and therefore, minimizes how important relationships actually are to their needs. Insecurity is high, and fear gets in the way of the act of going toward intimacy. Trust is not easily gained.
- Anxious Preoccupied: is when a person learned to be very sensitive to the needs of others, even when it is not what they need or what is best for them. This can lead to codependency, fear of being alone, and fear of being abandoned. This can lead to being anxious in relationships where one feels a great need for validation from others.
- Avoidant-Fearful/Disorganized: is when a person learned to emotions are not safe. They may have a tendency to push others away at times and shut down their needs/emotions, or they may allow desperation to arise where they hope the other will provide what they need. This attachment style can come with a sense of confusion.
Key Attachment Periods
- Birth to Six Weeks: This is called the pre-attachment timeframe and that's when a baby shows no particular attachment to one specific person they can be handed off to different people and be pretty much OK just being cared for as long as their basic needs are met.
- Six weeks to Seven Months: This is called the indiscriminate stage of attachment and that's where infants start to show a preference for the one or two people who actually are their consistent caregivers.
- Seven Months + : This is when children can show what's called the discriminate stage of attachment where they show strong attachment to one specific caregiver so that might be where you know the child wants only mommy or only daddy.
- Ten Months or Older: The bond continues to grow with other people in their lives.
Assessing Your Attachment Period
The first thing to call up before we go into further into the attachment styles is to notice how your situation was from a very early age. Can you think back to the circumstances and caregivers you had in your life at these critical stages? Each of us was raised in some manner, even if there was a lot of abandonment and a child was just left in a crib all the time, that's how they grew at these critical developmental attachment periods.
The circumstance and caregiver attunement is going to impact a child for much longer than the time of infancy. So, it's very good for a child to have consistent supportive attuned caregiving where the parents teach the child that they are safe to come them. The child is also taught that situations can be managed and handled when things feel scary or out-of-control, or elicit big feelings in the child.
For instance, if a child is feeling scared or overwhelmed, a secure caregiver can say something like, "Oh, it's OK, I know you're scared, but look there's no monster in the closet. The child gets a hug, and is tucked into bed with a kiss, and knows that Mommy and Daddy are trustworthy, and there is no danger. The child can then rest because they know they are safe.
However, if the parent says, "Oh, shut up, grow up, and stop being such a baby," the child for whom this fear is developmentally appropriate is now going to not only be afraid of the imagined monster but also of Mom or Dad. For a parent to dismiss the child or shame the child is causing a rupture and distress to the child's nervous system and sense of felt safety and trust in relationship to those upon whom he/she must depend. This sets up a conflict within the child...I have to go to a grown up when I need something, and the grown-ups are scary when I go to them. This is going to affect the child's system profoundly, even into adulthood.
Notice how you were treated in early childhood, and notice your patterns in adult relationships, especially in romantic ones. Are there any correlations that you can observe?
Reach Out
You can improve your relational attachment style by gaining knowledge, support, and communication skills to be able to share with others what you're feeling/experiencing. Relearning in securely healthy relationships can bring healing to your needs. Find safe friends, a good therapist, or a life coach who can help you to assess your particular situation and to help you gain the skills necessary to grow into a more secure attachment style.
