Today we're talking about the trauma recovery journey. The trauma recovery journey and how you can actually think more positively even when your thinker is not very clear. So, remember that trauma is a wound. Trauma is a painful past learning experience. It means that something happened that was not optimal, and it impacted you beyond your ability to have the resources that you needed to take care of it. When we are recovering from that, we miss out on knowing that we survived because our system gets so focused on making sure that never happens again.
Are Your Coping Skills Working?
That scary thing that felt like we wouldn't survive, that it puts up amazing scanners under the scenes that say that will never happen again. And then we come up with all kinds of coping skills, whether helpful or not helpful, to prevent the very thing that hurt us. And then those coping skills end up hurting us, so they don't work. They worked for a time, or they worked for a developmental stage or when we were kids, we thought they worked, but then as adults we run into things where they don't work and then we're kind of left wondering what in the world to do next?
You Already Survived!
Today, I'm going to help teach you how to think as you are recovering from trauma. Maybe you've been in therapy for a while and you're like, but when I hit this pain point again, I thought I had already worked through it. I thought it had already healed. I don't understand why I'm spinning my wheels again. And I want to tell you, you're not. And when you think, why am I not able to get past this? I still have to keep working and trying to get past this, I want to tell you that you are. So, you are getting past it. You are doing the work. Just because something is familiar and because it may be the way it feels, it does not mean that you're not progressing. It does not mean you haven't survived. It does not mean that hope isn't right there with you or that healing isn't completely on the horizon.
Now, I can't promise complete healing in everybody's circumstances all the time. But when you really do the work, you will then have the tools to be able to keep on the path towards healing and it will get smoother as you go. You don't need to still survive. You don't need to try harder to survive. You already have survived. Now you need to basically pick yourself up when you wobble. It's not that you're still surviving, it's that your system doesn't know it already did.
It's Like Riding a Bike
I want to give you the analogy of a bike ride, okay? If you're on a two-wheeler, you're a kid, you've learned how to ride a two-wheeler and you've crashed, and your bike is toast. I mean, you're banged up, your knees are skinned, your bike got all bent, your tires flat, everything's a mess. You don't want that to ever happen again. So, the next time you get on your bike, your new bike, you start to wobble a little bit because you remember, uh-oh, I fell last time, yet you keep going. You may have to stop and go to one side and kind of catch your balance with one leg down while you hold the bike against you. Then maybe you get back up and you try again and keep going. But every pedal, every time you push the pedal around, you are further on in the process of getting back on the bike and getting away from the experience of the accident. You survived your bike accident, and now you're on your way to a wonderful ride. If you keep thinking, I have to survive an accident, I have to survive an accident, you take away the power of the ride that you're already on in your bike. Now, does that mean you'll never wobble? No, of course not. Does that mean you'll never skin your knee again? Of course not. Does it mean though, that you're going to completely crash and lose your bike and never be okay again and break all kinds of bones? It doesn't mean that either. What happened to you in that first bike crash is over. If you have a new bike and you're pedaling, you survived it.
Now it's a matter of maybe carrying some extra tools with you. Maybe you want to wear your helmet when you ride your bike. Maybe you want to have some knee pads. If you wore ten knee pads on each leg, that would be overkill and that would cause more of a problem than it would help you. See, your coping skills can be out of proportion to what you need them to be. So, in what ways are you trying to protect yourself that are actually getting in the way now? But there's nothing wrong with maybe carrying with you some quarters to put in an air machine at a gas station so that you can pump up your tire if it gets a little low and that's what's causing the wobble. Or maybe to put a little basket on the bike that has a bottled water in there because you might get thirsty and that might help keep you hydrated while you pedal. When you have things that are helpful, you just pull out the tool that you need. Maybe carry a Band-Aid in your pocket in case you need to slap one on. If you do fall and skin your knee, it's not buying a whole new bike again and recovering from that huge crash you had. You've already done that. You're already on your new journey. You may need to have some tools in your toolkit that will help you to optimize when you wobble and fall. But it doesn't mean it's a catastrophe. Taking you back to that catastrophe that you had had that big wound trauma that put you on your guard and wanted to make you put every elbow, knee pad, helmets to the extreme on you. No. Just use caution. Be wise, look out for potholes, keep pedaling, enjoy the new journey. You're already on it.
Traumatic Memory Vs. Chronological Time
I wanted to encourage you with that because that's the difference between traumatic memory and actual chronological time you are present, you were hurt, you might still feel like you have a black and blue mark or a few of them, and you don't want them to get bumped. Again. Totally understandable. But if and when they get bumped, you can tend to them with compassion and care, or find others now who can tend to them with compassion and care. And you can process and heal because you survived that initial catastrophe. And the way I know that is because you're here now. You would not be if you were in immediate survival danger. Using your logic, maybe having some sips of coffee while you read. If you were really in fight or flight danger right now, a survival mode, you wouldn't be reading and thinking about how this applies to you. So, you have survived 100% of the things that you've been through. If you're still bruised, it's because you were wounded. And if you're still feeling those spots are tender, then tend to them. Comfort them, get them the support they need, the healing, the processing. But please don't mistake that you are no longer on the journey of the trauma. You are on the journey of recovery from that trauma. When you can acclimate to present time and space, it helps you to realize that you are no longer powerless, that you have power.
Gratitude
Well, as you might expect during Thanksgiving week, we're going to talk about thankfulness, specifically gratitude. It is something we say all the time, thank you, thank you, thank you for this. We teach our kids to say thank you. It's polite manners and that's a good thing. It's very nice to say thank you. I love it when someone gives a simple thank you. I don't need to have a lot of praise. I don't need to have lots of gifts or anything like that, but somebody with a sincere "hey, thank you for that," is just so refreshing and so nice. It's very beneficial. It makes the receiver feel good, and it helps the person who has said thank you to really put that out there that they are receiving something with a grateful heart.
The verse that I want to talk specifically about in relation to gratitude today is Psalm 91. It says, I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.
So, any and every good and perfect gift comes from God above, so I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. Anything for which we find is a good gift that we can have gratitude for is a wonderful deed from God. When we focus on those gifts, those things that are from God, those amazing things that come from Him, those wonderful ways people have treated us, those wonderful blessings to our soul, those things that we need in our lives that we can appreciate, it really turns us back to appreciation for what God has done. It helps us to give Him thanks and it helps us to praise Him and tell others of His wonderful deeds. When we have gratitude, when we say thank you, when we say I appreciate this, or I appreciate you, or I appreciate that that took place or that that happened, it gives us a chance to slow down and really focus on how blessed we are. When we focus on how blessed we are, we can help ourselves. We can help ourselves scientifically.
Focus on Gratitude to Reduce Depression
So, there is scientific proof from different studies of the benefits of being grateful and having gratitude. For one, it can help reduce depression. Now, whether that is because people who are depressed aren't usually thinking along the lines of being grateful, and therefore people who aren't depressed might think more along the lines of being grateful. So, it looks like there's not as much depression or whether being depressed and thinking on things that you're grateful for can help with depression. I think it works both ways, but it's going to definitely help when we change our thoughts to what is good, pure, lovely, and true, it helps us. God tells us about putting our focus on those things, the things that are good, pure, lovely and true. So, it would stand to reason that there's a reason He said that, and that is because it's good for us to do. No wonder it would reduce depression. If we can put our thoughts on things that are good, that are encouraging, and that we appreciate, it can edify the thoughts to a different level instead of letting those things just drag us down.
Focus on Gratitude to Reduce Anxiety
It can also help with anxiety. Anxiety typically is not something that is a present moment thing. I mean, it can be for certain, there can be anxiety in the present moment, but oftentimes it's anxiety in the present moment about a future event that we might be imagining or about something that happened in the past that we're fearful might happen again. When we can focus in the present on having gratitude, we can realize that right where we are, there are good things to be thankful for. That can help to lessen the anxiety. It can help us feel safer. It can help us have a new framework, a new mindset, worldview, or the outlook where we can relax our nervous system and go, hey, things are good right now. I can relax and just be thankful for this moment, for these good things, for these great people around me, for this great experience, for my dog, for my house, for my car, for the fact that I didn't lock myself out of my car. I could be anything. Being grateful can lessen anxiety in the present moment.
Focus on Gratitude to Support Blood Pressure
It can also help you with blood pressure. Blood pressure is something that can be tricky sometimes. I know personally that I am doing my best to get my blood pressure under control. I have had blood pressure struggles on and off for most of my adult life and it's something that I'm working towards with my healthcare provider to make sure that I'm doing what I can to manage it well so that the numbers stay healthy and lower. But there was actually a listener who had asked if I could do an episode on what to do when you have health anxiety and specifically in regard to having white coat syndrome with going to get your blood pressure checked, so that is definitely happening. In fact, I'm going to do that as a bonus episode tomorrow so you can listen for that. One of the things that can possibly help with blood pressure and heart health is being grateful. It allows your nervous system to relax, and it can help your heart to not have to pump so hard.
Focus on Gratitude to Relieve Stress
Being grateful can helps to feel a lot more grounded. Being grateful, slowing down breathing, regulating your heartbeat and your breath and that can also relieve stress. When we're grateful, it shifts us from the fight or flight nervous system and the stressors of the world to the things that we do have, the things that we can appreciate and again keeps us in that present moment and that can really help.
It can also help us to be grateful for the people that we're with. And socialization is good for our well-being, it's good for our interactions, it's good for our emotions and it can improve sleep for us because we can count our blessings before bed and have better dreams. We can feel more relaxed because we feel content and provided for. Having gratitude is a good thing.
Practicing Gratitude
If you would like to practice gratitude, there are a few things that you can do. You can sing praises to God, sing out your praises, sing praises of thankfulness. Great is thy faithfulness. You go back to old hymns, you can go to more current worship songs, you can journal, you can write them down in a book before you go to sleep at night. You can record them on your phone throughout the day. As you think of things, you can make an intentional habit of getting together with somebody and sharing the things of the week that you're grateful for, and they can share those things with you as well. Maybe in a small group Bible study or a connection that you have with a friend or loved one. It's really good to remember the blessings. Life has enough hard stuff, but to remember that there are good things too can be helpful to your mental health, your emotional health, your spiritual health, and your physical health in so many ways.
Go take on the day!