mindset

I saw this really cool picture of Queen Elizabeth II recently. It was when she was on stage at a Live Aid concert in 1985, and she was wearing these cutoff jeans and this short sleeved white t-shirt. Actually, it was sleeveless, and she didn't have a crown on, and she didn't even have a tiara or jewelry. She just looked so relaxed and so cool standing there on stage and ready to perform. I had never known that she had done this, so it was really, really impressive. I was very impressed, and she really got my respect going there.

The thing is it never actually happened. It was an AI generated image, and I thought for a moment that it was real. That's something that our brains can do to us. If you've ever judged yourself and scared yourself, wondering why you've had intrusive thoughts or thought of things that you really are repulsed by or felt that because you had some fleeting thought or negative feelings, unpleasant feelings, that you were somehow causing something awful to happen, I want to help you have peace today. You see, just like that image of Queen Elizabeth was not real, the way you feel about yourself when you judge yourself simply by the messages and the way that your brain and your feelings put the messaging together when they receive it, can be faulty pictures, not actual truth, not based on fact, just mere images, creations that we ascribe meaning to that you think you're seeing clearly when that's not actually the case.

So, here's the main point of all of this in today's podcast. When you think things, I want you to realize that while what you think may be fact may be true, there is no way for your brain to know the only thing that your brain can do is to make predictions and calculations based on information and experiences that it has had exposure to before. So, when you have thoughts, they are not actual things that need to be scary or need to be feared, they are simply chemical reactions. They're neurons firing. When you have feelings, same thing. It's nerve fibers, it's chemicals, it's energy. It is information that your body is encoding and decoding. That's all it is.

It is not truth. Now, it can represent truth and fact and figure that out. The way it can do that is from prior experience, ways that we've learned things before that we know to be true, such as there is gravity. We know that because we've fallen down, or someone taught it to us, or we read it in a book, right? We know things because we've tested them out, or because God's word says it, or because the Holy Spirit has told us. But we don't know things as absolute fact simply because we've perceived them. That could tell us something that isn't true, and we might confuse it with something that is true. Many times, when I work with clients who have thoughts that are intrusive or that they don't want, they fear that they are somehow some sort of deviant, or that they should be punished or put away because they can't believe that they had those thoughts and they're so awful and that couldn't be further from the truth. These are typically clients who are very decent people who want to serve the Lord and who just are very aware of how they don't want the awful feelings or the awful thoughts to hurt anybody.

It's actually the opposite of what they're thinking, but because they make a leap and associate negative thoughts or feelings, unpleasant thoughts or feelings, things that they would never want to think or to feel with a value judgment, they get confused, and then they get scared and get down on themselves. If that's you, I want to encourage you to remember this Queen Elizabeth AI generated picture. You see, I had different parts of information. I had what my eyes took in as I looked at the different parts of the picture. I had my context of what I knew about Queen Elizabeth II. I had my memory of the fact that there was a Live Aid concert or something similar back in the 80s. I was able to think, I can't actually tell if this is true or not, but what I was able to tell was that I was getting information and I was trying to figure out how to process it's meaning and to ascribe to it and figure out whether that picture was actually true or false. Then I put it against other information that I had, and that other information told me that the queen is not somebody who was into casual attire. She was someone who took the monarchy very seriously. Knowing that, I realized this is probably not true, because I used other information and backed it up with facts. I did know from experience, from learning, from prior exposure, and was able to make a more accurate picture.

They are no more real and true as value judgments and accurate pictures of who you are or how situations are than money is something of value. Listen to this. Money is something that has value because people ascribe value to it and put meaning towards it and know what it's worth, how to use it, what you can get for it, what you can do with it, but in reality, what is money? Money is paper. That's it. If we didn't ascribe value to this paper, these threads, this fabric, it would mean nothing. It would just be paper. Same with the chemicals. They're just chemicals. The neurons are just neurons doing their job with energy. It is what we learn to tell ourselves about the meaning and about the picture that we're seeing as we try to put the facts together, or what we perceive as the facts together that can sometimes cause us distress. That's why it's important to take every thought captive, put it against God's word, pray about it, be wise and discerning. Because if we just take it at face value, like I did, that picture of the queen, we might believe something that isn't true. No matter how true it feels, no matter how true it seems, no matter how scared we are of it, how curious we are about it, or how surprised we are, we're simply having a human experience of input and nerves and wiring that God created. There is absolute truth, but it's not something that we can tell right off the bat. Just like with an AI generated image of the queen at a concert, I had to run it through its paces and figure out how I could find what the truth actually was.

That's what I want you to think about. Whenever you have thoughts or feelings that are unpleasant or intrusive or you start feeling bad about yourself for having, I want you to realize that it's not a sin to simply have input or to simply have these chemical reactions. What you choose to do with the thoughts or what you choose to do with the feelings is where there's some substance of something that shows your character and shows what you believe in, what action choices you've chosen, and what you will do. Having the thoughts is just something that happens. Having the feelings is just something that happens. Putting meaning to them is something that happens, but putting meaning to them can be true or false, accurate or inaccurate, and it can cause you peace or it can cause you disturbance.

I've seen this so many times in the women that I've worked with, especially when I work with Christian women who really want to do the right thing and be pleasing to God in the way that they live their lives. These unpleasant thoughts or feelings can really, really cause them a lot of headaches. I want to just give you the understanding that you don't have to have a lot of disturbance because of the meaning that you ascribe to thoughts and feelings. They're just chemicals, reactions, nerves, fibers, energy, and they're your brain trying to sort through and figure out what's what. You get to determine through putting it against things that are true, like the Bible and prior experience, to figure out what you're going to do with it. That's something you can control, that's something you can choose, and that's something that you can take action in wisdom on. So just like that picture of Queen Elizabeth was not actually true, I could have ascribed meaning to it, but I might have been wrong. So, I needed to run it through the paces and tell myself what was actually true, not what seemed to be true.

If you're telling yourself things about yourself because you've had intrusive thoughts, disturbing thoughts, painful emotions, fears, and that you start to make the leap and think that things are going to go badly because you had some fear, or that things are going horribly wrong because you had a thought, I want you to realize those are distortions. There's not a cause and effect that is absolutely true. The only thing that is absolutely true is you're having information nation, and you need to put it against other stuff to determine what is true and what is false so that you can take every thought captive and learn to tell yourself the truth. It'll save you a lot of internal grief and disturbance, and it's something that can help bring you peace, hope.

Go take on the day.

You know the concept of "both, and?" It's something I talk with clients a lot about, but it's also something I live. Things can be hard and good at the same time. Things can be bitter and sweet at the same time. Things can be, well, things can be rough sometimes, and yet they can still be something that God is using in our lives for good. Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for good. To those who love God and are called according to his purpose, and that is a promise. That is a truth, and sometimes that's hard to see.

Sometimes life is just clipping along wonderfully, and things are great. And sometimes there are just things, just things: job stressors, medical issues, bills, seasonal affective disorder, winter. Some people love winter. Some people love spring. It's "both, and." It can both be great and be Christmas time and be joyful, and it can be hard, emotional, stressful, sad, glorious, wonderful, fabulous, exciting. It can be "both, and."

I want to give you permission to just give yourself permission. You don't need my permission, but if you need a permission slip to give yourself permission, to be okay with "both, and" which doesn't mean you love the feelings that aren't pleasant or that the stressors are fabulous, but the "both, and" can sometimes make things a bit more manageable. It's like an acceptance that, okay, right now, there's more than one thing that I'm feeling, and there's more than one thing that is contributing to this. We have physical bodies. We have relationships. We have things we have to work towards, or performances, maybe, that you're giving for the holidays or hosting. There's a lot that goes into this time of year, but honestly, there's a lot that goes into being a human, and it's a "both, and" experience as a human. We all want the good stuff, and sometimes the way we appreciate the good stuff is because we've been through the bad, so we know how good the good is, and we want to hold on to that.

I want to just give you that reframe; that good is coming. Good is God. Good is what we can trust in. If it's not good, it's not over yet. We can see good in the land of the living, and also on the other side, when we get to heaven, we can see good there. So, either way, it turns out good for us. So, if it's not good, good still coming. The story is not over yet.

Now, today, my husband and I made a decision, because as much as we have a lot of blessings that we're thrilled about and a lot of things that are going well for us, it's also been a little bit stressful. We've each had a bunch of different things that are, like, nothing life shattering, but just enough things in different areas that are making the "both, and" something very apparent right now, and we're trying to embrace the really good. But we also know that, yeah, there have been some really stressful stressors.

So, I want to play a game with you and encourage you to maybe play a game with us. The game we are playing is basically the Pollyanna game. The Pollyanna game, if, you know, the old Disney movie, is where Haley Mills' character is so positive, like, she even breaks her legs and she's like, still, everything turns out positive for her.

So, I said to my husband this morning, "What if we just don't say anything negative today? What if we don't do any negative sounds? We don't say anything negative. We just focus on the positive, turn things towards good, and just put that energy out there, right. And just say good things and speak joy, speak light, speak energy."

This past weekend I was speaking a lot of, "Oh, I'm exhausted," and I decided today to say, " Well, it's okay because I'm getting my energy back." That type of thing. That's not exactly what happened this morning, but that's the kind of reframe that I'm giving you as an example. I'm still working on getting my energy back. So, it may not be something that I am fully feeling, but it is something that I feel a whole lot more when I speak it in truth and faith and in a good, positive way rather than, "oh, my gosh, I think I'm dying. I don't have any energy to get out of bed." It's a lot better to go, "You know what? I've gotten some really good rest because I've allowed myself to take that time and just have some good snuggle downtime. And I'm taking care of myself and I'm going to get back to 100% even better, 2024. I'm going to be really healthy because I'm doing the right things now and I know everything's going to be energized and be better." That gives me a lot more oomph than focusing on I don't feel so good there.

When I stood up, I was wearing these shoes for Christmas service last night and they kind of hurt my legs. It's a lot better to say, "Wow. Christmas service last night was amazing. We had a great time. It was our middle child, our 22-year-old daughter, my husband, and myself, and we went to Christmas Eve service, even though it wasn't Christmas Eve. It was wonderful and it was beautiful. We did candlelight singing of 'Silent Night,' and it was just joyful. Then we went out to eat, and we had great time together!"

Now, I could have been, "Oh, my other kids aren't here. My son's doing some stuff with his fiancé's family. My daughter is with some friends. My other daughter is with some friends on a trip right now." It was us and one of our kids, and it was wonderful. It made possible for our middle kid to have some only child time, even though she's an adult. We had a really great time. In fact, we recorded a jokes episode for Christmas, corny jokes that's coming up on Thursday that you may want to tune in for.

If you have kids, young kids especially, you may want to have them listen in because there's just a bunch of cute corny jokes that we just share. We did this last year, and this year, I wanted to do it again. So, Thursday, you can get some happy, corny jokes if you would like to. We did that after the church service, and then we had a nice dinner and such. I could have been, "oh, but the other kids aren't here. Oh, but I miss them." which are true. They weren't there, and I do miss them when they're not here, but that doesn't mean I wasn't enjoying fully the time we had with our other daughter and fully the experience and fully the blessings and what that made possible. It made possible for us to just focus on her and for us to really hear her and for us to all have a really nice memory building time together.

Whether it's everyday life or special holiday seasons, where there is a lot going on, whether you're going through a stressful time in life, you can choose what energy you bring to it. Sometimes we forget that. Sometimes we're like, oh, this is just really hard, and that may be very, very true, but if you play the Pollyanna game, it could be, "This is really hard, but what does this make possible? But what will we get here that we didn't otherwise?"

So maybe you're making Christmas dinner, and you burn the green bean casserole. Hey, what a great memory. Remember the year that mom burned the green bean casserole, and the fire department came? Right? Or, oh, wow, I did a horrible job on wrapping these gifts. But you know what? It's the thought that counts, and I never said I was an artist, and I hope you like it anyhow. And maybe it gives you some laughs, because I really don't do so hot at how I wrap things, and they're kind of comical looking, right? So maybe it's just okay.

Maybe everything has a silver lining, or many things have a silver lining. And I think that it's up to us to look for the silver lining, to speak the silver lining, to be energized by the hope and the silver lining of knowing that if it's not good, it's not over, that we can find humor and we can find good things, and we can appreciate simply by refining our focus on what's good, pure, lovely, and true.

So, while I may be tired today, I'm excited, because today I happen to have the day off to relax or to work or to clear my head and pray it's okay to put energy out there, take care of yourself, and realize that in the "both, and," we still have a choice of where we focus, what we speak and how we let the positive energy be a light instead of letting the darkness be the focus. It doesn't mean that there aren't some shades of darkness; it means that the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot overcome it.

So, if you want to play the Pollyanna game with my husband and me today, or through the Christmas season or for as long as you like, that's what we're doing right now. If I end up burning something or don't get enough of something for the holidays, for the company that's coming or whatever, it's no big deal. No one's going to remember next year at this time anyhow, unless it's a great memory. Like I burned the green bean casserole!